The deed is done. I am on a month's notice. I thought I would feel a sense of relief, but all I feel is a sense of loss and perhaps a slight urgency because if I don't get myself re-employed soon within that time I would be in trouble. I wish my parents would be at least be a bit supportive of my decision but all my mom did as usual was raising panic over the obvious.
Friends offer their empathy, not that I don't appreciate it, but I think I need solutions more now than kind words. Gym classes would be a great backup in this time of need, just pray that I don't get sick or injured. No classes mean no salary.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Sunday, May 28, 2006
That's Just The Way It Is
In less than three days I will throw in my resignation. This time I have put my resolution in steel and I am timing it to coincide with the start of June. Though I haven't found another job elsewhere, it's just the risk I have to take. All my life I organised my life on playing safe and as many of my friends know, I hate being uprooted, but I guess in life there are no 100% guarantees.
It's an irony how I always tell my friends that if one isn't happy with their job they should move on and I couldn't bring in the same philosophy to save myself. It's double the irony that I have always supported the people in my life when they are at such crossroads but when my turn came, I found myself more alone than ever. I am not blaming anyone really - that's just the way it is.
It's an irony how I always tell my friends that if one isn't happy with their job they should move on and I couldn't bring in the same philosophy to save myself. It's double the irony that I have always supported the people in my life when they are at such crossroads but when my turn came, I found myself more alone than ever. I am not blaming anyone really - that's just the way it is.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
When I Was Young...
1. I used to think that different countries were located on different planets which we traverse in spaceships.
2. I was terrified of the dark and deathly afraid of what lurks underneath my bed at night.
3. I thought people get pregnant automatically after marriage.
4. Mannequins and huge religious statues freak me out because I thought they would move.
5. There was nudity on national television.
6. I thought when people get together naked on the bed they just kiss and cuddle.
7. I didn't bother looking for toilets to relieve my bladder so any drain will do. Though I will have to say aloud, "Excuse me, I'm peeing" to avoid pissing on the local "Datuk".
8. I couldn't watch horror movies without covering my eyes and sneaking peeks between my fingers to ensure the scary scenes were over.
9. Any stray animal was a friend. Well actually I still think they are.
10. A dark banana grove nearby my home (which has since been bulldozed for new houses) was a terrifying place.
11. I was disgusted at snails and slugs, all of which I would kill by sprinkling salt on them. My nanny encouraged the practice.
12. I would have no qualms about crawling into claustrophobic covered drains to rescue the occasional foolish chicken.
13. I rescued every stray kitten I found because I thought the mothers abandoned them.
14. Cockcroaches were my sworn enemies because one crawled up my leg and I could feel the horrible hooks on their legs.
15. For some reason I found my late grandfather's foot annoying, of which he would on purpose push in my direction.
16. I could pass off as a girl, even when I am not in girls' clothing (ahem).
17. We had a neighbourhood fireworks and firecrackers war every Chinese New Year. One landed in front of me once and exploded, showering me with drain water and my ears were ringing for weeks after that.
18. I thought I was in love with my nanny's niece. We even had a "couple photo".
19. I was a kleptomaniac in kindergarten but would discard my booty later because of conscience pangs.
20. I believed in the 18 layers of Taoist Hell.
2. I was terrified of the dark and deathly afraid of what lurks underneath my bed at night.
3. I thought people get pregnant automatically after marriage.
4. Mannequins and huge religious statues freak me out because I thought they would move.
5. There was nudity on national television.
6. I thought when people get together naked on the bed they just kiss and cuddle.
7. I didn't bother looking for toilets to relieve my bladder so any drain will do. Though I will have to say aloud, "Excuse me, I'm peeing" to avoid pissing on the local "Datuk".
8. I couldn't watch horror movies without covering my eyes and sneaking peeks between my fingers to ensure the scary scenes were over.
9. Any stray animal was a friend. Well actually I still think they are.
10. A dark banana grove nearby my home (which has since been bulldozed for new houses) was a terrifying place.
11. I was disgusted at snails and slugs, all of which I would kill by sprinkling salt on them. My nanny encouraged the practice.
12. I would have no qualms about crawling into claustrophobic covered drains to rescue the occasional foolish chicken.
13. I rescued every stray kitten I found because I thought the mothers abandoned them.
14. Cockcroaches were my sworn enemies because one crawled up my leg and I could feel the horrible hooks on their legs.
15. For some reason I found my late grandfather's foot annoying, of which he would on purpose push in my direction.
16. I could pass off as a girl, even when I am not in girls' clothing (ahem).
17. We had a neighbourhood fireworks and firecrackers war every Chinese New Year. One landed in front of me once and exploded, showering me with drain water and my ears were ringing for weeks after that.
18. I thought I was in love with my nanny's niece. We even had a "couple photo".
19. I was a kleptomaniac in kindergarten but would discard my booty later because of conscience pangs.
20. I believed in the 18 layers of Taoist Hell.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Blondies
This MSN Messenger conversation was in reference to this entry.
me: your boyfriend f*cks guys??
whiterabbit: you wish
me: only if your boyfriend looks like Rain (the Korean popstar)
whiterabbit: lolololol
whiterabbit: Rain is so hot
whiterabbit: ironic as that sounds
me: why ironic?
whiterabbit: Rain?
whiterabbit: hot?
me: oh darling that was so lame
me: and here I was thinking of something more complicated like thinking Rain was hot was too bimbonic for the likes of you
whiterabbit: oh, didn't you know?
whiterabbit: I've changed
me: yes, gone was the angst dyke
me: now long hair ger ger (girl girl) liao
whiterabbit: eeyerrrr
whiterabbit: you make it sound so disgusting
me: long hair ger ger who gigger gigger (giggle giggle) over Rain
me: and goes "omg like he is sooooooo hawt"
whiterabbit: EWWWWW
me: yes now we're sisters both you and I
me: we will have slumber parties every weekend and gigger gigger over Rain and other hotties and have pink pillow fights
whiterabbit: get away from me you freak
me: this is so going into my blog
me: your boyfriend f*cks guys??
whiterabbit: you wish
me: only if your boyfriend looks like Rain (the Korean popstar)
whiterabbit: lolololol
whiterabbit: Rain is so hot
whiterabbit: ironic as that sounds
me: why ironic?
whiterabbit: Rain?
whiterabbit: hot?
me: oh darling that was so lame
me: and here I was thinking of something more complicated like thinking Rain was hot was too bimbonic for the likes of you
whiterabbit: oh, didn't you know?
whiterabbit: I've changed
me: yes, gone was the angst dyke
me: now long hair ger ger (girl girl) liao
whiterabbit: eeyerrrr
whiterabbit: you make it sound so disgusting
me: long hair ger ger who gigger gigger (giggle giggle) over Rain
me: and goes "omg like he is sooooooo hawt"
whiterabbit: EWWWWW
me: yes now we're sisters both you and I
me: we will have slumber parties every weekend and gigger gigger over Rain and other hotties and have pink pillow fights
whiterabbit: get away from me you freak
me: this is so going into my blog
Friday, April 07, 2006
Precious Little Angel
I normally don't talk about my the work I do in gym, partly because I feel it's nothing much to shout about and partly because I don't think I am an extraordinary instructor anyway. Though I enjoy instructing (fine, I will admit it gives me an ego boost), I don't think I am the kind who garners a following, so when I do get a few regulars who show up at my class everytime I teach it is always a pleasure.
For some weeks though, one particular regular failed to show up and last Thursday she finally made an appearance. After the class, just out of formality I asked her about her absence.
"Oh... my daughter has brain tumour"
For a moment I couldn't quite believe what my ears made out.
"I beg your pardon?" I replied.
"My daughter has brain tumour, so I had to stay over at the hospital"
"Oh dear!" I checked myself, I didn't know if such an exclamation was rude.
Thank goodness she didn't. She further explained to me the ordeal her 11 year old daughter had been going through since eight. Apparently the tumour wasn't the spreading kind, but it just keeps growing and at the moment the doctors couldn't find any permanent solution other than 'trimming' the tumour every now. Chemotherapy wasn't exactly working so now they are recommending radiotherapy. She claimed after three years she was kind of used to it.
I looked at her face and I wasn't quite certain if she was trying to convince herself or me. I felt sorry for her and her daughter for having to suffer unnecessarily at such a young age. Corny as it may for me to say this, makes you wonder if we're taking for granted for being able to live relatively healthy lives. I never had to go through the anxiety of having a family member living with a life threatening disease and hopefully never have to. But yet here was this mother, who attends my class almost every week, perhaps just for a moment to escape from the fear.
As she thanked me before she left, I offered my wishes that her daughter get well soon and that she also remember to take care of herself. Perhaps I have little faith in God, but in a silent prayer I genuinely hoped for her daughter's speedy recovery.
For some weeks though, one particular regular failed to show up and last Thursday she finally made an appearance. After the class, just out of formality I asked her about her absence.
"Oh... my daughter has brain tumour"
For a moment I couldn't quite believe what my ears made out.
"I beg your pardon?" I replied.
"My daughter has brain tumour, so I had to stay over at the hospital"
"Oh dear!" I checked myself, I didn't know if such an exclamation was rude.
Thank goodness she didn't. She further explained to me the ordeal her 11 year old daughter had been going through since eight. Apparently the tumour wasn't the spreading kind, but it just keeps growing and at the moment the doctors couldn't find any permanent solution other than 'trimming' the tumour every now. Chemotherapy wasn't exactly working so now they are recommending radiotherapy. She claimed after three years she was kind of used to it.
I looked at her face and I wasn't quite certain if she was trying to convince herself or me. I felt sorry for her and her daughter for having to suffer unnecessarily at such a young age. Corny as it may for me to say this, makes you wonder if we're taking for granted for being able to live relatively healthy lives. I never had to go through the anxiety of having a family member living with a life threatening disease and hopefully never have to. But yet here was this mother, who attends my class almost every week, perhaps just for a moment to escape from the fear.
As she thanked me before she left, I offered my wishes that her daughter get well soon and that she also remember to take care of herself. Perhaps I have little faith in God, but in a silent prayer I genuinely hoped for her daughter's speedy recovery.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Lament of the Pseudo Breeder
Look at me.
Do I look straight?
I was told I do.
No I am not flattering myself. I had been approached once in Liquid and was asked if I was really gay. Well unless I was a clueless jock who thinks gay club means lesbian action or I was actually a lass with a really tight bra, I find that question quite redundant. And yes, once upon a time I did go to Liquid, twice a week and the podium was my former throne.
That aside, looking straight is not exactly a good thing. Quite possibly someone might be fantasizing about doing naughty things to the supposedly straight guy they have been observing for months but that is just akin to mental masturbation. You're getting the kicks and I am getting blue balls. Perhaps passing off as a heterosexual breeder might be every flamboyant queen's secret wish, but trust me, it's a lonely road I walk. The only time someone ever made a pass at me at a gay joint was a weird guy who wanted to kiss me on my forehead. What do I look like? Frodo Baggins? I know my legs are hairy but I assure you my feet are quite follicle free.
Things are not looking so bright either in the gym. Bad enough no gay men dares to venture into the class I teach, the ladies are clueless about my sexuality too. One made one of those titter titter remarks to me that most of the male instructors are gay without realising she was actually talking to one. Another time a bunch of bawdy male pot-bellied breeders made loud comments after overhearing a couple of gay guys flirting with each other. Right after the two walked off to exchange numbers this was what I heard.
"Why ar these gay flers... got nice pussy and soft breasts don't want, wanna play backside... ha ha ha!"
Hello? And I was barely a meter from them. Christ... what do I need to do? Wear a feather boa to gym?
Do I look straight?
I was told I do.
No I am not flattering myself. I had been approached once in Liquid and was asked if I was really gay. Well unless I was a clueless jock who thinks gay club means lesbian action or I was actually a lass with a really tight bra, I find that question quite redundant. And yes, once upon a time I did go to Liquid, twice a week and the podium was my former throne.
That aside, looking straight is not exactly a good thing. Quite possibly someone might be fantasizing about doing naughty things to the supposedly straight guy they have been observing for months but that is just akin to mental masturbation. You're getting the kicks and I am getting blue balls. Perhaps passing off as a heterosexual breeder might be every flamboyant queen's secret wish, but trust me, it's a lonely road I walk. The only time someone ever made a pass at me at a gay joint was a weird guy who wanted to kiss me on my forehead. What do I look like? Frodo Baggins? I know my legs are hairy but I assure you my feet are quite follicle free.
Things are not looking so bright either in the gym. Bad enough no gay men dares to venture into the class I teach, the ladies are clueless about my sexuality too. One made one of those titter titter remarks to me that most of the male instructors are gay without realising she was actually talking to one. Another time a bunch of bawdy male pot-bellied breeders made loud comments after overhearing a couple of gay guys flirting with each other. Right after the two walked off to exchange numbers this was what I heard.
"Why ar these gay flers... got nice pussy and soft breasts don't want, wanna play backside... ha ha ha!"
Hello? And I was barely a meter from them. Christ... what do I need to do? Wear a feather boa to gym?
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Most Touching Or Haunting Movie/TV Themes
Just a list I am making up about some movie and tv themes that I felt are really touching or haunting as well as capturing the moment, and here it is in no particular order:
1. Yours Forever by John Mellencamp (from The Perfect Storm)
2. Angel by Sarah McLachlan (from City of Angels)
3. Da An (The Answer) by Coco Lee (from Bishonen)
4. Leaving On A Jet Plane by Chantal Kreviazuk (from Armageddon)
5. My Funny Friend And Me by Sting (from The Emperor's New Groove)
6. The Distance by Evan & Jaron (from Serendipity)
7. The Steward Of Gondor by Billy Boyd (from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
8. When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan (from Toy Story 2)
9. Never Saw Blue Like That by Shawn Colvin (from Runaway Bride)
10. Waiting In Vain by Annie Lennox (from Serendipity)
11. Uninvited by Alanis Morissette (from City of Angels)
12. When You Know by Shawn Colvin (from Serendipity)
13. Into The West by Annie Lennox (from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
14. Too Lost In You by Sugababes (from Love Actually)
15. Book Of Days by Enya (from Calmi Cuori Appassionati)
16. If I Apologised by Josefine Cronholm (from Mirrormask)
17. You Will Be My Ain True Love by Alison Krauss & Sting (from Cold Mountain)
18. The Scarlet Tide by Alison Krauss (from Cold Mountain)
19. Almost Unreal by Roxette (from Super Mario Brothers)
20. Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion (from Up Close and Personal)
21. Separate Lives by Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin (from White Nights)
22. Beauty & The Beast by Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson (from Beauty & The Beast)
23. If I Never Knew You by Jon Secada & Shanice (from Pocahontas)
24. Once Upon A December by Deana Carter (from Anastasia)
25. Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler (from Beaches)
26. Streets Of Philadelphia by Bruce Springsteen (from Philadelphia)
27. Iris by Goo Goo Dolls (from City of Angels)
28. Don't Let Go by Bryan Adams & Sarah McLachlan (from Spirit: Stallion of Cimarron)
29. Besame Mucho by Cesaria Evora (from Great Expectations)
1. Yours Forever by John Mellencamp (from The Perfect Storm)
2. Angel by Sarah McLachlan (from City of Angels)
3. Da An (The Answer) by Coco Lee (from Bishonen)
4. Leaving On A Jet Plane by Chantal Kreviazuk (from Armageddon)
5. My Funny Friend And Me by Sting (from The Emperor's New Groove)
6. The Distance by Evan & Jaron (from Serendipity)
7. The Steward Of Gondor by Billy Boyd (from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
8. When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan (from Toy Story 2)
9. Never Saw Blue Like That by Shawn Colvin (from Runaway Bride)
10. Waiting In Vain by Annie Lennox (from Serendipity)
11. Uninvited by Alanis Morissette (from City of Angels)
12. When You Know by Shawn Colvin (from Serendipity)
13. Into The West by Annie Lennox (from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
14. Too Lost In You by Sugababes (from Love Actually)
15. Book Of Days by Enya (from Calmi Cuori Appassionati)
16. If I Apologised by Josefine Cronholm (from Mirrormask)
17. You Will Be My Ain True Love by Alison Krauss & Sting (from Cold Mountain)
18. The Scarlet Tide by Alison Krauss (from Cold Mountain)
19. Almost Unreal by Roxette (from Super Mario Brothers)
20. Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion (from Up Close and Personal)
21. Separate Lives by Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin (from White Nights)
22. Beauty & The Beast by Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson (from Beauty & The Beast)
23. If I Never Knew You by Jon Secada & Shanice (from Pocahontas)
24. Once Upon A December by Deana Carter (from Anastasia)
25. Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler (from Beaches)
26. Streets Of Philadelphia by Bruce Springsteen (from Philadelphia)
27. Iris by Goo Goo Dolls (from City of Angels)
28. Don't Let Go by Bryan Adams & Sarah McLachlan (from Spirit: Stallion of Cimarron)
29. Besame Mucho by Cesaria Evora (from Great Expectations)
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Jurassic Bark
I have blogged about this particular episode of Futurama before in Livejournal, though I am too lazy to locate that entry. It has to be one of the most touching episodes of Futurama. Considering that Futurama is a no-brainer cartoon, this is truly unusual. You can see it now for yourself and be your own judge. I think it's a story that most dog lovers would be able to relate to. The last scene is totally heartbreaking.
Monday, March 27, 2006
She Moved Through The Fair
My young love said to me my mother won't mind
And my father won't slight you for your lack of kind
And she laid her hand on me and this she did say
It will not be long now 'til our wedding Day
And she went away from me, she moved through the fair
And fondly I watched her move here and move there
And then she went onward, just one star awake
Like the swan in the evening moves over the lake
The people were saying no two e'er were wed
But one had a sorrow that never was said
And I smiled as she passed with her goods and her gear
And that was the last that I saw of my dear
Last night she came to me, my dead love came in
So softly she came her feet made no din
And she laid her hand on me and this she did say
It will not be long now 'til our wedding day
And my father won't slight you for your lack of kind
And she laid her hand on me and this she did say
It will not be long now 'til our wedding Day
And she went away from me, she moved through the fair
And fondly I watched her move here and move there
And then she went onward, just one star awake
Like the swan in the evening moves over the lake
The people were saying no two e'er were wed
But one had a sorrow that never was said
And I smiled as she passed with her goods and her gear
And that was the last that I saw of my dear
Last night she came to me, my dead love came in
So softly she came her feet made no din
And she laid her hand on me and this she did say
It will not be long now 'til our wedding day
There is just something about this particular Irish folk song that sends a shiver up my spine and makes me get misty eyed. Such a sense of longing and loss. And the tune itself is haunting, even without vocals it invokes the very same feelings. Many artists have covered this folk song of unknown origin (which adds to its mystery), and one of the most haunting versions was an instrumental done by Mike Oldfield in the Celtic album Voyager. It gets to me everytime.
The Producers My Ass
Are you gay? Do you love musicals? Thinking of watching The Producers? Well don't. Unless you wish to become Sleeping Beauty, but don't be too over enthusiastic about being kissed by Prince Charming because the only thing most likely to kiss you would be the Bangladeshi cleaner with the bushy moustache when the show is over.
Not sure what I am ranting about? The Producers has got to be the worst movie I have ever watched in theatres since Battlefield Earth. In fact, it might even be worse than the latter. At least Battlefield Earth was redeeming in the sense that its lack of intelligence made it comical. Someone should shoot Susan Stroman for unleashing this brain leech upon the masses. I have watched some really bad movies before, but none of them has ever made me want to walk out and forsake my ticket fee. Though in the end, the miser in me won through... and so I suffered two hours of excrutiating pain of having my brain liquified and siphoned out of my nostrils.
Probably attempting to hijack the successes of Moulin Rouge! and Chicago, The Producers assaults the senses with a crudely put together comedy and bad acting which just seems not possible especially when it's headed by some of Hollywood's most talented. People like Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick and Uma Thurman for God's sake. Makes you wonder if they really even wanted to be in the movie. There was not a single redeemable moment in The Producers, right from the beginning till the end. Well maybe except for Gary Bleach's fabulous portrayal of the transvestite director Roger De Bris and Roger Bart as his equally gay assistant Carmen Ghia.
Other than that, Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick practically bludgeoned the audience to death with their irritatingly maniacal and shallow characters, Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom, with their constant yelling and screaming. Will Ferrell further ups the annoyance level with his fake Americanised German accent and by the time Uma Thurman makes her appearance, you would wish you could set the cinema on fire. If I knew it was this bad I would have just spent the night watching gay porn, at least you know the orgasm is not faked.
Not sure what I am ranting about? The Producers has got to be the worst movie I have ever watched in theatres since Battlefield Earth. In fact, it might even be worse than the latter. At least Battlefield Earth was redeeming in the sense that its lack of intelligence made it comical. Someone should shoot Susan Stroman for unleashing this brain leech upon the masses. I have watched some really bad movies before, but none of them has ever made me want to walk out and forsake my ticket fee. Though in the end, the miser in me won through... and so I suffered two hours of excrutiating pain of having my brain liquified and siphoned out of my nostrils.
Probably attempting to hijack the successes of Moulin Rouge! and Chicago, The Producers assaults the senses with a crudely put together comedy and bad acting which just seems not possible especially when it's headed by some of Hollywood's most talented. People like Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick and Uma Thurman for God's sake. Makes you wonder if they really even wanted to be in the movie. There was not a single redeemable moment in The Producers, right from the beginning till the end. Well maybe except for Gary Bleach's fabulous portrayal of the transvestite director Roger De Bris and Roger Bart as his equally gay assistant Carmen Ghia.
Other than that, Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick practically bludgeoned the audience to death with their irritatingly maniacal and shallow characters, Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom, with their constant yelling and screaming. Will Ferrell further ups the annoyance level with his fake Americanised German accent and by the time Uma Thurman makes her appearance, you would wish you could set the cinema on fire. If I knew it was this bad I would have just spent the night watching gay porn, at least you know the orgasm is not faked.
Uma Thurman makes an attempt at Sharon Stone's pantyless leg cross.
Friday, March 24, 2006
Transition
There is only one situation where I can be at my most fake, job interviews. I hate job interviews, it probably ranks second if you lump all those shit-listed people in my little black book... ok maybe third, right after mathematics (I commemorate the day when I never had to do sums for exams ever again). All those preparations of compiling your previous works to include in your portfolio is a mountainous task, especially when you're a triple job holder such as me who doesn't have time to sort out his underwear, much less portfolios.
And that's only the beginning, because next you have to pore over several maps of Klang Valley in order to determine the location of the blasted interview. When maps fail to produce any inkling of the location, it's time to dial up all my native KLites friends to assist. Then you have to doll up, something which I absolutely hate to do, just to look 'impressive'. OK, maybe this is partly my own fault because I simply will not settle for the conventional shirt and tie look.
Cut to the chase, you're at the interview, and sometimes even though they ask you to be early, they make you wait for ages before they start the interview, whereupon they begin with their pointless line of questioning which they already know you won't answer 100% truthfully anyway. Maybe that's not so bad, I got an 'A' in my Drama Class after all, so acting is not something I am unfamiliar with. The worst part is they begin with their mockery of your work, which either may or may not be an attempt to gauge your level of humility and tolerance. Either way, you have to suck it in and put on your best Miss Universe runner-up smile. There can't be a more perfect moment for me to want to smash the smug interviewer's face with my chair.
A piece of advice for those of you out there who are looking for a job for the first time of your soon-to-be miserable lives. Never take for granted that if the one hiring you is someone you know means you can be candid and honest with your opinion. To my knowledge, they can be the biggest a-holes when it comes to honest opinions. The shit will hit the fan so fast, before you even begin to realise what happened.
And that's only the beginning, because next you have to pore over several maps of Klang Valley in order to determine the location of the blasted interview. When maps fail to produce any inkling of the location, it's time to dial up all my native KLites friends to assist. Then you have to doll up, something which I absolutely hate to do, just to look 'impressive'. OK, maybe this is partly my own fault because I simply will not settle for the conventional shirt and tie look.
Cut to the chase, you're at the interview, and sometimes even though they ask you to be early, they make you wait for ages before they start the interview, whereupon they begin with their pointless line of questioning which they already know you won't answer 100% truthfully anyway. Maybe that's not so bad, I got an 'A' in my Drama Class after all, so acting is not something I am unfamiliar with. The worst part is they begin with their mockery of your work, which either may or may not be an attempt to gauge your level of humility and tolerance. Either way, you have to suck it in and put on your best Miss Universe runner-up smile. There can't be a more perfect moment for me to want to smash the smug interviewer's face with my chair.
A piece of advice for those of you out there who are looking for a job for the first time of your soon-to-be miserable lives. Never take for granted that if the one hiring you is someone you know means you can be candid and honest with your opinion. To my knowledge, they can be the biggest a-holes when it comes to honest opinions. The shit will hit the fan so fast, before you even begin to realise what happened.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Voices in My Head
Sarah McLachlan used to sing to me, but since from last month I can't hear her anymore. I still love her of course, but for some reason, she doesn't come through anymore. Instead, I heard this...
and this...
Eventually I took drastic steps to cauterize the wound and numb the pain, slowly this song emerged...
As the pain became a dull throb I began to hear this song...
For those of you who have been wondering what I have been going through of late, these four songs tell my story in ways I myself couldn't. I've always loved Annie Lennox, but I can hear her now louder than ever.
and this...
Eventually I took drastic steps to cauterize the wound and numb the pain, slowly this song emerged...
As the pain became a dull throb I began to hear this song...
For those of you who have been wondering what I have been going through of late, these four songs tell my story in ways I myself couldn't. I've always loved Annie Lennox, but I can hear her now louder than ever.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Sex Bomb
I don't care what people say about figure skaters.
But I will go out with this guy any day. Not because I am fooled by the fake muscles or his looks (which is kind of adorable...), but a guy who can make such an idiot of himself just to make me laugh... that is SEXY.
But I will go out with this guy any day. Not because I am fooled by the fake muscles or his looks (which is kind of adorable...), but a guy who can make such an idiot of himself just to make me laugh... that is SEXY.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Migration
And so I have migrated.
Am I running away?
Darn right I am. There are eyes on my journal which are no longer welcomed. Maybe it's petty, maybe it's foolish, but I find it's much more relieving to give in to your emotions rather than fight it.
Cowardice?
Perhaps, but I don't really give a damn about how others will judge me. I find that no matter what I do, people will see only the ugly side. Maybe it's just human nature to be fascinated by the things that do not conform to their ideals.
A new beginning?
Yes and no. I no longer can see where what begins or ends. Mostly I just believe "new beginnings" are self induced illusions to conceal the past. Speaking of which, I have always been wanting to update my MSN Messenger list. Thanks to one of those convenient list checkers which allowed me to see who has removed me from theirs, it made the decision a whole lot easier on who stays and who goes.
It is really a mystery, on how love can degenerate into something totally the opposite. It often baffles me as to how most people can just discard any form of relationships, be it friends or lovers, as easily as a piece of used tissue. I guess that is the nature of all things.
When something has outlived its usefulness, there is no reason to keep it around.
It's just me and my sentimental nature.
Am I running away?
Darn right I am. There are eyes on my journal which are no longer welcomed. Maybe it's petty, maybe it's foolish, but I find it's much more relieving to give in to your emotions rather than fight it.
Cowardice?
Perhaps, but I don't really give a damn about how others will judge me. I find that no matter what I do, people will see only the ugly side. Maybe it's just human nature to be fascinated by the things that do not conform to their ideals.
A new beginning?
Yes and no. I no longer can see where what begins or ends. Mostly I just believe "new beginnings" are self induced illusions to conceal the past. Speaking of which, I have always been wanting to update my MSN Messenger list. Thanks to one of those convenient list checkers which allowed me to see who has removed me from theirs, it made the decision a whole lot easier on who stays and who goes.
It is really a mystery, on how love can degenerate into something totally the opposite. It often baffles me as to how most people can just discard any form of relationships, be it friends or lovers, as easily as a piece of used tissue. I guess that is the nature of all things.
When something has outlived its usefulness, there is no reason to keep it around.
It's just me and my sentimental nature.
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