Monday, April 03, 2006

Lament of the Pseudo Breeder

Look at me.

Do I look straight?

I was told I do.

No I am not flattering myself. I had been approached once in Liquid and was asked if I was really gay. Well unless I was a clueless jock who thinks gay club means lesbian action or I was actually a lass with a really tight bra, I find that question quite redundant. And yes, once upon a time I did go to Liquid, twice a week and the podium was my former throne.

That aside, looking straight is not exactly a good thing. Quite possibly someone might be fantasizing about doing naughty things to the supposedly straight guy they have been observing for months but that is just akin to mental masturbation. You're getting the kicks and I am getting blue balls. Perhaps passing off as a heterosexual breeder might be every flamboyant queen's secret wish, but trust me, it's a lonely road I walk. The only time someone ever made a pass at me at a gay joint was a weird guy who wanted to kiss me on my forehead. What do I look like? Frodo Baggins? I know my legs are hairy but I assure you my feet are quite follicle free.

Things are not looking so bright either in the gym. Bad enough no gay men dares to venture into the class I teach, the ladies are clueless about my sexuality too. One made one of those titter titter remarks to me that most of the male instructors are gay without realising she was actually talking to one. Another time a bunch of bawdy male pot-bellied breeders made loud comments after overhearing a couple of gay guys flirting with each other. Right after the two walked off to exchange numbers this was what I heard.

"Why ar these gay flers... got nice pussy and soft breasts don't want, wanna play backside... ha ha ha!"

Hello? And I was barely a meter from them. Christ... what do I need to do? Wear a feather boa to gym?


CJ said...

Actually you don't look str8. Just that str8 ppl don't really recognize non-flamey gay ppl. And gay ppl are generally too stuck up to approach one another in clubs.

Elaine said...

The women titter tittering were just trying to get a confession out of you. Watch out--if you don't confess soon they might start hitting on you.

sean said...

if i didn't know u and saw u on the street, i'd say the odds were 60:40 that u were straight. but two minutes of talking with u would probably banish that misconception. err, cj on the other hand would look 75:25 gay to me. i kinda think i appear to be 70:30 straight. :P

CJ said...

seanie, i don't quite get your ratio thing. 75:25 means what? gay? straight?