Monday, September 14, 2009

In Memoriam

Patrick Wayne Swayze
(1952 - 2009)

Friday, July 31, 2009

In Memoriam

Maria Corazon Cojuangco Aquino
1933 - 2009

Saturday, July 25, 2009

In Memoriam

Yasmin Ahmad
1958 - 2009

Thursday, June 25, 2009

In Memoriam

Farrah Fawcett
1947 - 2009

In Memoriam

Michael Jackson
1958 - 2009

Friday, June 12, 2009

Profile Headline FAIL

Just some really FAIL headlines I found while trolling profile sites in boredom:

"i want to search any people that i can have fun with them.. " - well you can't discredit him for being not picky.

"Just me n me only..looking for below my age n ready for ltr not for fun..say no to sissy n chub also indians" - Racist! And uh... disciminator!

"Men with a great structure of body! Hot Sexy - MALAY ONLY " - Yeah everybody loves a great uh... erection.

"DONT TRUST ANY PEOPLE ESPECIALLY UR BF AND UR BEST FRIENDS..THEY WILL TREAT U BADLY ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " - you can taste his bitterness all the way from here.

"Don't call me anything fussy because I'm a Headliner. " - trying to be witty FAIL.

"Hi, lets have fun" - direct WIN!

"HoNeSt-----The MoSt ImPortANt One.... TrUsT...sHouLd Be ALonG wIth RelAtIoNsHiP " - ThErE iS sOmEtHiNg aBoUt hIs RoLlEr CoAsTeR lEtTerIng tHat JuSt PuTs Me OfF.

"I'm mixed. Please don't ask about my new photos...I won't give it anyway... I already give my dick photos for you guys to see..." - an emotional plea.

"very open minded n don't like to be push in any situation... people will love me in the way i am... ... "
- Loser WIN. Confidence FAIL.

"looking for fun and all that goes with it " - you know this guy absolutely knows a good bargain.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

In Memoriam

Shek Kin
1913 - 2009

Friday, June 05, 2009

In Memoriam

David Carradine
1936 - 2009

In Memoriam

Millvina Dean
1912 - 2009

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

In Memoriam

Beatrice "Bea" Arthur
1922 - 2009

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Of Pets

I like having pets. I have had dogs since I was five - well up till I moved to the city anyway. After that there was a pet-less six years due to the fact I had no fixed lodgings, followed by the fact that I live alone and I hardly spend any time at home. Of course in those years, I had housemates who had pets, a rather old shaggy orange hamster whom I nicknamed Hamtaro (whom I ended up taking care of in my housemate's absence) and a tank of fish (that also ended up my responsibility in her absence).

When I did eventually have my own place I always wanted a dog but it didn't seem like a good idea to leave a dog alone in the house for 12 hours a day. I could imagine coming home to happy tail wagging in a background of chaos and "landmines". Eventually I did get a fish in a bowl but there didn't seem much amusement in that aside from the fact that they don't usually don't live long.

And then I considered getting a cat - but the fact their poop are probably the most hazardous things next to anthrax did not appeal to me. And cat hairs are likely to give me fits. My mom also does not like cats - she's fine with them, as long as they don't live with her. I also did not appreciate that cats often appear nonchalant towards their owners. One queen in the house was quite enough. Last week, I did the unthinkable. I did not do it on an impulse because I thought about it for at least two months. It is undeniable though that I was reckless with my considerations. Maybe I just wanted to be less analytical for once and take a risk. So now here I am saddled down by a pair of rabbits.

Buyer's remorse, I definitely have it. Mostly from the fact that they poop and pee with such frequency that I have to clear out the hutch at least twice a day. Other than that, I find them a source of amusement. For one thing, they seem to know where to do their business: at the litter tray. Their curious nature seem to test my patience and tickle me at the same time. I almost ended up squashing one of them yesterday when I decided to lie down on the floor last night to watch TV. The rascal decided it was worth investigating when it saw me sit down on the floor. Not to mention during their hours out of the hutch, I can't take my eyes off them. Wires and carpets seem fair game to them when it comes to chewing. Every few minutes I have to check underneath the sofa to make sure they are not up to mischief. And why didn't anyone mention that rabbits have horrible sharp claws? My mom is going to have a field day the next time she comes over.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


This is an entry to alleviate Six's concern that my blog is dying, on top of the fact that I posted memoriams for two dead people twice in a row. What's wrong with honoring a geek who played a demon and a geek who is almost a demi-god to other geeks? In any case, Six, you will be happy to know that KFC is venturing into GRILLED chicken. A lot more healthier I must agree, but KGC just doesn't really have a nice ring to it - it sounds more like some secret terrorist organisation or some governmental department. Who can tell the difference nowadays.

So in case anyone out there is wondering why I often have a dearth and spurt period in producing blog entries, it is usually due to work. If I feel unhappy at work, entries come in less. Don't ask me why. The health of my writings is susceptible to my attitude and mood towards work. And at this moment, I am dying to get out but the current state of the world economy is holding me back from taking the risk. Low pay is better than no pay. I find it quite distressing how my creativity has been hitting a slump for the past 5 years. For any designer, that might as well be a death knell. And I don't know if it is just me or the state of the creative industry in Malaysia. For example, I have no real free reign over things I design. I might as well just ask my seniors and managers to dictate and I just vomit out the result, because in the end, none of the ideas are really mine. It doesn't help that my senior colleague speaks to me in a tone that I find demeaning. One might think I am not open to criticism, but I think there's a big difference in constructive criticism and plain insult. I hope this answers concerns as to why my Facebook status often expresses my urge for mayhem and violence towards my peers.

I don't think a holiday is going to help much either. I tend to come back feeling depressed and worse that it had to end and I am back to the vicious cycle. What I need is a job that I am interested in that doesn't make me feel like I am in a virtual prison for 8 hours a day. Right now, I feel like a trapped, stifled animal and I believe I am venting out my frustrations in unhealthy outlets. I NEED to GET OUT.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

In Memoriam

Dave Arneson

Thursday, April 02, 2009

In Memoriam

Andy Hallett
1975 - 2009

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Silent Hill: Homecoming

Contrary to what this image may imply, grabbing the enemy's boob is not going to help you defeat them.

I had followed the Silent Hill series since it was first released, well I don't know, back in my high school days? It freaked the crap out of me and I loved it. None of those Resident Evil cheap scare and gore tactics for me please. Silent Hill was the type of game that will leave you spooked enough to want to keep your bedroom door locked at night long after you played the game. When Silent Hill 4: The Room came out after a long wait, I was much elated to finally be able to play the game. Then I was much disappointed at the rather no-brainer plot and drastic control changes which seem to be only loosely connected to Silent Hill. So I was thinking, after all the wrong they done to the series in SH4, they would at least have bothered to redeem themselves in the next installment, Silent Hill: Homecoming (SH5). WRONG! Nevermind they'd only released Silent Hill: 0rigins for PSP, which left me much pissed, but SH5 turned out to be quite an angry disappointment.

OK maybe I have no right to complain since I resorted to downloading the PC version which took me hours to troubleshoot and then eventually, me buying the pirated version which also had the same bugs as the downloaded version. So again, nevermind. Bottomline was I managed to get the game to work: clever me. Firstly, I was much pleased that the graphic have obviously went through a major improvement since the last installment. But that's where the good things end, no thanks to Konami switching over production from Team Silent to Foundation 9 Entertainment and Double Helix in the US. Leave it to the Americans to spoil the game. For some reason they seem to think more monsters mean better gameplay. When will they ever learn that they should leave horror to the Japanese? There are so many monsters swarming every setting, that their mis-happened nightmarish appearances ceases to scare you but become annoying obstacles. And as if that wasn't enough, they seem to possess some kind of fatality move that if you don't mash your mouse fast enough(which is usually the case considering how difficult it is to maneuver with a mouse and keyboard), leaves you dead without being able to even put up a fight. And believe me, dying 5 times in a row on the same setting just leaves you exasperated rather than wishing to continue. Considering I have always loved the way the series allows you to explore and figure out creative ways to get around, the throngs of monsters swarming you like bitches in heat just makes that impossible.

And that's not all I want to rant about. I mean, what kind of dumb plot is it anyway that SH5 has? It's like they couldn't decide to go with an independent psychological horror which is what SH2 was or that they should stick with the often vague cultish connections first introduced in SH1. In the end, they ended up with yet another SH4-like storyline with thin plots, loosely tied with Silent Hill. If it is not because I procured the game through, ahem, "unofficial" means, I would be throwing up a ruckus in demanding my money back for this poor excuse of a continuance in the Silent Hill franchise. If Konami has any intention in keeping the series alive, they would have the next installment done by Team Silent again. Americans... MEH!

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

In Memoriam

Natasha Richardson
1963 - 2009

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Don't Blame The Video Games

If anyone has been reading the New Straits Times today, you will be coming across the headlines "Are you doing this to your child?" with an cheapskate clip-art silhouette of a child and hastily montaged images of "violent video games" forming the child's brain. What is being implied of course is that video games are the source of violence and aggression in today's young. Hell, they are not really implying, but making outright claims that this is INDEED so.

I used to be an avid fan of video games, especially in my teenage years and early adulthood. I have many fond memories of running all-nighters to finish Diablo I and Dungeon Keeper. So I find these accusations that video games are the main cause of violent behaviour in the young ridiculous, even if there are scientific studies to prove that it might be so. I have randomly shot, bludgeoned and blown up things in games like Quake, Blood, Silent Hill and Resident Evil, but I think I grew up fine, if you discount the fact I am gay. Call it disturbing, but I laughed till I was in stitches while playing one of Quake III's free for all "fragging" modes online. My user handle: Sister Mary Jones. But no, I have never acted out any violent behaviours despite my penchant for violent video games.

Sure, granted, the random thought of wanting to decapitate some offending moron does come occasionally to my head but I think the more important thing here is the ability to make choices. And that, most of society would agree is what puts us above other living creatures. What impairs one's ability to make a simple choice of not acting like the jackass in the Virgina Tech shootings is plain ignorance. Maybe in his case, it was just evolution running its course in rooting out dead ends, unfortunate as it is for the rest who ended up as collateral damage. And I don't think those retards who sexually assault their own children and sisters got their inspiration from video games either.

So please, the next time your child acts like a loser, don't blame it on the video games. Start asking yourself whether you are bringing up your kid the right way instead. It's not the fault of the video games for doing the parenting instead of YOU.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Quote Me

"So you were just methodically going through it like a clockwork? Insert coin for f*ck?" - on non-exciting sex.

"You DO NOT pick up stuff from the floor and put it in your mouth no matter how much time have transpired. I repeat: YOU DO NOT. EVER. Unless it’s a very expensive pill." - on retrieving food that has fallen to the floor.

"It's Chinese New Year in 3 weeks, my birthday in 2 - I want to look good enough to f*ck myself by then" - obsessing with the physical appearance.

"I love Stephanie Meyer's Twilight, it helps with my bowel movements." - on Stephenie Meyer's gruesome piece.

"Get a room. And your boyfriend is gay." - to a couple publicly displaying their affection on Valentine's Day.

"I am not sending your Siti (Nurhaliza cd) through normal post - it might get lost, which is not altogether a bad thing." - on how much I care about that 'gadis menyampah dari kampung'.

"Exes are best served in a coffin with a stake through the heart." - on exes.

"Oh that's not too hard if you like oysters..." - on oral sex with a female.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Dream Log

*Missing memory*

I was in someone's house. It looked familiar because it looked somewhat like my house but I knew it wasn't mine but I somehow knew it belonged to a friend of mine. My friend's mom and another friend was cleaning a room, and I knew there were drugs in it. Somehow I just couldn't be bothered and I just lay there on the couch reading.

*Missing memory*

Somehow, friend's mom had not come across the drugs, because the other friend had hidden it. The other friend whom moments ago I could not identify now seem to have a face of an old schoomate. We were at the seaside, with the water up to our waists. He just began getting rid of the drugs which turned out to be cocaine by dumping it into the sea.

"How did you manage to evade the mom?" I asked.

"Just kept it out of her sight." he replied.

"Seems like such a waste to be getting rid of it like this..." I said impassively as I dumped a whole packet of the stuff into the sea.

*Missing memory*

We were at this strange pool by the sea. Someone appeared to be drowning in it. We could see him struggling underneath. Schoolmate jumps in and pulls him out after much difficulty. Drowning guy denied he was drowning and claims he was a diving instructor. Schoolmate and I leave, with me feeling much disgusted that he didn't even appear thankful. Schoolmate is sympathetic and decides we should go KFC so we did. Except KFC did not look like any regular KFC. It had a lot of funny stuff there which doesn't appear on the real world menu though I can no longer recall what it was. I just recalled I wanted the ordinary snack plate but the queue was long.

*Missing memory*

I was back at friend's place, where the drugs were. Friend turns out to be Laynie. I was lazing on the bed telling her how thankful she should be that we manage to hide the smack from her mom but she just laughs and made dismissive gestures.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Fragments I

It's one of those days, when I want to blog but yet I can't bring myself to do it because my head is full of disjointed and incoherent thoughts. I can't focus on one topic and elaborate on it. Then I thought, who the hell cares because it's MY blog, so screw coherency. In the words of a former blog I used to visit almost religiously - but enough about you. ME. ME. ME. ME. Oh look, still me. Damn it, if you're reading this, please start blogging again.


Ants share a common ancestor with wasps and bees. They are the ultimate feminist's dream. A whole colony of females where males only function as a necessity to procreate. They are rather industrious and hardy little creatures, toiling day and night. All in the name of their queen. And they are everywhere in my home - my bathroom, my kitchen, my desk, my bedroom. Christ, what are they invading me for? My flat is so devoid of food, you would think it's Ethiopia... or maybe North Korea. They seem to avoid the ant bait, and insecticide is just as good as America's promise of hunting down Osama bin Laden. The funny thing is, they seem periodic. Occasionally they would vanish for a month or two, and they will be back again in full force. But meanwhile, I have to bear with their annoying presence. Did I mention they seem to have a taste for mouthwash?


Facebook's user status is fun. I don't care what the hell some bitter sociopath have to say about it. It's fun. FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN!!! Alright, fine - it helps pass time in a company where instant messaging programs are blocked. If that doesn't sound incredulous, it gets un-blocked at exactly 12pm to 2pm and then from 5pm to 9am the next day. It's like as if they are control feeding their employees. It's 2pm, time for your daily dose of online communication. Eat up my little guinea pigs! The ridiculous thing is, the analysts have free reign over usage of instant messaging programs, supposedly to "communicate with the clients". In any case, I have been here for 2 years and the pressure to move on is growing, especially when the company seem to have changed their business direction and left their designers out of their plans. Now all we seem to be good for in the office is just shifting stuff around. Four years in university and degree worth RM60,000 and I end up a coolie. Fuck my life. And thank you Captain Najib Obvious for finally admitting the economy is screwed, therefore making the chances for brighter opportunities elsewhere slimmer.


It seems I am not the only one feeling the death throes of youth. An ex-classmate laments how scary it is that he is nearing 30 while he reminisces how it didn't seem so long ago that we were back in school crazy about console games. Another groans that we didn't used to have to worry about things like sustaining a job and finances. An Indian ex-schoolmate (with a overbearing personality and potty mouth and yes I am adding these because I don't like her and also because it's all true) whines how it seem like yesterday that she was still 16. What does she have to complain about, she's just 27. Not taking lightly the humour of me charting her life from being a swamped mother of teenagers to old wrinkly hag, she asked me if my life was that miserable. I am gay and hating it, no longer young, still single because all gay men are too fucked up to maintain a relationship, stuck with a dead end job but still having to be thankful to have one due to the economy, closeted because mummy dearest would be suicidal if she knows and I live alone because I can't even find the time to have pets. She (Indian ex-schoolmate) is lucky I don't drug her and hack her legs off like Kathy Bates in Misery.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Take A Bow

After 8 years of great memories and bringing performing arts in KL to a whole new level, the Actor's Studio Bangsar has finally closed its curtains for good on 28 February 2009. Apparently after all the renovation at Bangsar Shopping Centre, the management just did not include the theatre in its plans. Though founders Datuk Faridah Merican and Joe Hasham have said they will be looking for a new place, nothing much is solid yet. They still have their branch over at Penang, but it will rather be a great pity if they're not continuing here. One can still remember the anguish when the flood a few years back pretty much wrecked Actor's Studio main headquarters over at Dayabumi which in turn gave the branch at Bangsar much more prominence. Of course, there are still other venues of performing arts which are gaining popularity nowadays like KLPAC and the Istana Budaya, but it just wouldn't be same without Actor's Studio. Let's pray they will continue on.

Sunday, March 01, 2009

My Debut Album/Make Me A Rock Band

Another silly meme, courtesy of Alexander the Gay. It sounded fun, what can I say? Though I have mixed feelings about the result though...

Here are the rules:

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random”
or click
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select "random quotations"
or click
The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop, GIMP, Inkscape, or similar to put it all together.

And my result:

What does this look like to you? Feels like one of those struggling Indie bands to me, which comes up with those music that they feel is artistic and intelligent while everyone else can't make heads or tails of. And the band would probably think you're a brainwashed capitalist dog if you don't understand them. On the other hand, it could be something along the lines of U2 or The Script.

In case anyone is wondering, the name of the band is the name of an asteroid while the album name was derived from a quote by Harry S. Truman. If you're reading this, you're considered tagged.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


I love Annie Lennox. I don't care if she's old enough to be my mother and that I am also a screaming fag. I would marry this woman in a blink. I know I have declared my undying love for Sarah McLachlan before, but Annie is a classic. This is the woman who inspired Neil Gaiman's anthromorphic aspect of Desire. She's the original gender chameleon. She might possibly be the only recording artist in the whole world who could get away with covering someone else's song and make it her own. Plus, she doesn't have granny arms like minging Madonna. Since embedding is disabled, click on the link below to see and listen to her latest single, a cover of Ash's Shining Light.

Click Me!

And I am much amused by some of the feedback on the single, most of them positive of course. Here's a few that really tickled me:

"After all these years, she still looks like an icon! Inspired cover version, and she could teach old slappers like Madonna a thing or two about how to get older with dignity and style. Not to mention how to sing! Well done Annie!"

"Annie i can't stand you....but...think this song suits your voice.

It truly hurt to say that.

"Annie is so useless and talentless and that is why she is Britains most successful female artsist and won grammys, brits, ivor novellos, golden globes, a oscar and countless others. Plus sold over 80 million records."

"Seriously, only this woman can pull off covering any song and positively own it!"

Oh wait... that last one was me...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

White Lamb

Remember Brown Bunny? Well now he has a new companion:

Meet White Lamb. Well, like Brown Bunny, it's not really a lamb. It's the 83rd edition of the Starbucks Bearista, dressed in a lamb suit. This is one of the two things that Starbucks is good for, and the only thing out of all their over-priced products that can make me willingly part with my hard earned money. Just for the record, this adorable creature cost me RM59. Way overboard for 9" stuffed toy. I am such a sucker for teddybears, and blast Starbucks for making them so cute. And how I itch when I saw how cheap and cute some of the past editions are on eBay.

I shall not spend money unnecessarily... I shall not spend money unnecessarily...

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Of The Perak Fiasco & Racial Politics

I am not usually politically inclined other than just making passing comments about current political issues. However like most of the younger generation, I do have a rebel streak so I pretty much hold the ruling government in contempt. Whatever the case I am never too fussy about who is at the top as long as they are doing the job they are suppose to do. As much disdain as I have for the ruling coalition, I have much respect for our ex-PM Tun Dr. Mahathir. He might not have been a leader who plays fair, but at least he WAS a leader, much unlike the constantly half-asleep Abdullah...

The recent fiasco in my home state of Perak does not really affect me much, though I would still rather see the Pakatan Rakyat in control. And like recent polls, the underhanded grab for power did not go down well with me. Though I did not like the fact that the much beloved Sultan Azlan Shah did not dissolve the state assembly (which would have been the most fair thing to do), I do believe in his wisdom it would have been the less problematic decision to acknowledge that PR had indeed lost its majority and should make way for BN. After all, didn't PR itself supported the notion of taking over the federal government via the defection tactic a few months back? Funny how when the tables are turned, we see a different face on both parties. So someone please tell me if my notion that there is no one worth voting for in the elections was wrong when we have a bunch of hypocrites as candidates.

What irks me however is the recent backlash that came from PR's action of wanting to sue the Malay ruler over his decision to acknowledge the new state government. Let's not forget, that it was Dr. M's, (a Malay man) actions in the past that removed the Malay rulers' immunity to the law. So what's the fuss if someone indeed decides to sue one of them? Don't get me wrong, because I have much pride in our country's unique royal heritage. Though in all logic, I believe it is nothing more than a cultural thing. It is rather sad to see, that in this day and age, when we are now finally witnessing a black man become the president of the United States, that our country's politics are still divided by racial lines. Sue a Sultan, and all a sudden it becomes a challenge to Malay rights. Frankly, I doubt the ruckus that is being raised has anything to do with their love for the Malay rulers. It is just another excuse to remind the minorities of the Ketuanan Melayu.

Every politician in power wants to harp about racial integration and harmony, but speak up about racial inequality and we have the issue above hit the fan. Our country's politics are undoubtedly ruled along lopsided racial lines, we just can't say it out loud, because we run the risk of questioning the "Malay rights" and therefore branded a racist and inciter. For goodness sake, after the last general elections we could not even accept a Menteri Besar from a minority race in a state where Malays are the majority. Does it really matter? The role of a leader is for the betterment of the people, so Malay or not should not be an issue, neither should it be a challenge to the national religion. No one is suppressing anyone's rights to worship here. Who cares what is the race or religion of a man or woman at the top post as long as he/she does the job well?

If I have ever voiced my support for the opposition, it is only because it seemed the lesser of two evils. At least DAP and PKR appeared more likely to end the racial divisions. No comment though, on PAS. We have wasted enough years with BN's other component parties' lack of vision and submission to UMNO's arrogance and ego. Any wonder why BN lost significant support from the people? Times are changing and despite already almost a year since the elections, BN still appears to be holding on to its archaic standards with nothing to show from its many promises to change. Even the more educated of Malay folks are feeling the less for the need to be coddled. I have no bones to pick with my Malay brothers and sisters, just the point of view that one race should be above all the rest does not sit well with me. I wonder if I will ever live to see a prime minister from a minority race. Then again, who can say?

Thursday, February 12, 2009

F*** My Life

There are worse things that could happen to someone on any fine day in the world. Like for instance, a bomb could land right on top of your home and obliterate your entire family while leaving you the maimed sole survivor, or maybe some crazy terrorist decides to send a plane right into your office building. But that's not really the point of this entry. I want to illustrate just how bad things can turn bad on you on any ordinary day.

1. You wake up late.

2. You go to get your breakfast at the nearby coffeeshop, and the people there decide to take their own sweet time to attend to your order.

3. The first signs of annoyance begin when the slow moving vehicles decides to hog the right lane and the left lane is full of slow rumbling trucks.

4. Some bright spark decided it was a good idea to have the Le Tour de Whatever route run through one of the deadliest traffic snarls of rush hour, the dreaded Lebuhraya (or Parking) Damansara - Puchong. It induces a virtual standstill through 3/4 of the entire length of the highway and spilling the mess into several connected routes.

5. It's everybody for themselves. Everyone has somewhere to get to on time, so hell, let's squeeze into whatever lane gets you there faster. Does anyone in the Klang Valley not realise it only slows down traffic even more? Cars start to scrape against each other, cars stop, and drivers argue about who bumped whose butt at the expense of further aggravating the jam.

6. Halfway through the stop and go traffic, you get a stomachache. The kind that probably is a man's closest equivalent to childbirth.

7. You finally get to a shortcut, only to have all the traffic lights (numbering about 10) along the route turn red at your turn, all the while trying your best not to empty your bowels on the carseat.

6. About 500 meters from your office, someone's car decides to breakdown, delaying you from your destination another further 10 minutes.

7. You finally arrive at your office building. You enter the carpark and a really 'considerate' person decides to hog the lane while he waits to take someone else's parking space despite the availability of many more and the other one takes his/her own sweet time to unlock, open the car door, step inside while arranging his/her belongings, check himself/herself in the mirror, buckle up, start the car, and then move out slowly while making sure he/she does not disturb the surrounding air.

8. Great, you finally manage to park and you have so far successfully not soiled your pants yet. You grab your bag, head for the elevator and find both are at the top floor.

9. The elevator finally arrives, and you get inside, all the while praying to whatever God or Supreme Being it is you believe in that it would just go all the way up without stopping. No such luck. It stops at the next floor and you find two people with a trolley talking with each other and not realising the elevator has arrived despite the loud chime. When they finally realise, they slowly push the laden trolley in. Just as the door is about to close, another two persons stops the elevator, and presses the floor right below yours.

10. The elevator stops at next floor, to open to no one waiting outside. Someone apparently thought it was a good idea to press for both floors to save their own time at the expense of someone else's.

11. You finally arrive at your floor, breaking out in a cold sweat from the effort of holding back your bowels, already one and a half hours late and you make a run for the toilet to find all the stalls occupied and the next nearest washroom is on the floor below.

12. You finally make it to an empty washroom, but someone in the next stall apparently could not stand the odour of his own discharge so he lights up a smoke. Heaven for him, suffocation for the one next door.

13. You're sweating from the agony of your efforts.

14. You finally arrive at the office, to a warm office. Because apparently all the women are cold blooded - they could not withstand the air-conditioning.

In the tradition of FML.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Happy Darwin Day

Charles Robert Darwin - Evolution by Werner Horvath

Today marks the 200th anniversary of the birth of Charles Robert Darwin, the man who pioneered the theory of natural selection, the driving force behind the evolution of species. This year is also the 150th anniversary of the publication of his On the Origin of Species.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Thou Shalt Not Waste

A friend brought a bag of these to my Christmas party back in December (obviously) and left it in my kitchen. For two months, I did not really bothered about it. Now I assumed it was untouched as it looked unopened. Three days ago I finally got around to it after feeling an itch to munch. To my horror, I found that the bag was opened. The contents exposed to the elements of my kitchen all this time.

And then curiosity got the best of me. I picked a piece from the bag and inspected it. No mold, no sign of a household pest infestation. Slowly, I drew the pretzel close to my mouth and I took a sniff. No offending odour. Then almost an afterthought, I popped it gingerly into my mouth and took a bite.

Two days later, I finished the whole bag. All 10 ounce of it.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Crouching Pirate Hidden Pimp

I hardly ever buy DVDs nowadays, mostly because Food Snob dumps a portion of his cache on me once he's done watching them. Unfortunately after a year of doing so, he has yet to have a lot of hits as to guessing what type of movies are to my liking. So it was on one of those rare occasions yesterday that I decided to pay a visit to the neighbourhood DVD pirate which has a lot of titles to satisfy the finicky person like me. As most Malaysians are familiar with, DVD pirates are mostly a stereotypical lot. The Chinese lala beng types who used to rule Chinatown (which now resembles Banglatown more). Being the fact that the joint is new, the proprietor was very much friendly to any visitor who drops by. A little too friendly perhaps. At first he tried recommending titles to me. Me, being me however, usually do not appreciate being constantly harrassed while perusing though I just nodded and smiled to humour the man.

Then he began to explain to me his promotions, of how I can mix and match different sorts of DVDs in his shop and get one free if I buy five titles. He sneakily lead me to a section where softcore porn were among the mix, then he said in a coy tone that he had more hardcore ones in the room at the back and that he can recommend me some titles if I needed. I flustered and waved him away while trying to distract him by showing more interest in his Star Trek: Voyager boxed set ( I REALLY WAS INTERESTED IN THAT, OK?!). Not to be perturbed, he insisted and lead me to his secret stash. I had to humour him for a while browsing through various heterosexual hardcore porn while trying my best to feign interest in abnormally large bosoms and penis-chomping vaginas, though in reality I was more interested in the stack with a naked man brazenly displaying his genitalia.

"Try these titles! Got story wan!" he says (in Cantonese of course).

He left me alone after a while much to my relief, though I still had to pretend to browse through more titties and vaginas for fear he might be observing me through some secret hidden camera to find out my "consumer habits". I left the room unobtrusively as possible to avoid his attention, but alas:

"Aiyah boss, nothing you like?"

"Er. No." I felt as if everyone in the shop was looking at me, "I will just stick with your old movies thanks."

I quickly shuffled back to the Blu-ray section and made my choice and quickly paid for them. But DVDman was not about to let me go without a fight.

"You don't have to worry, I will never bluff you! What I recommend to you is all clear wan... I still want to make sure you come back right??"

"Right. That's what you DVD sellers say."

"Aiya, don't say like that la... tell you what...." he lowers his voice a notch, "If you want to kiu kai, you let me know! I do this also!"

"WHAT???!!! You do THAT as well??"

For those of you who don't know, kiu kai here is a crude way to say "soliciting the services of a prostitute".

"Yaaa! All Chung Guok mui (Mainland Chinese girls), guaranteed pretty! I don't do all those Malay, Malay wan. You just let me know what you want, I arrange for you!"

Dear God, that was the straw that broke MY back. I walked as fast as I could from the place without breaking into a panic run, half wanting to throw my earlier purchase back at the offending pimp. I felt as if I had just made a donation supporting the flesh trade. I have no problems with piracy, but I draw the line at prostituion. One thing is for sure, no way I am going back THERE again.

Sunday, February 01, 2009


Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I am one those who are termed as a "banana chinese". Though I dislike the label, I am proud to be one because I dislike Chinese pride or "kiasuism".

2. I read in the toilet. If it wasn't because dampness damages books, I would set up a bookshelf in there.

3. My dream job is to be a National Geographic journalist though sadly at this moment I am not even half a step near achieving that dream.

4. I was still washing my face with soap till I was 23 of which of all people, my mother made me use facial wash.

5. I am not very conventional or stereotypical when it comes to being gay, though occasionally I would ham it up just to annoy people or amuse myself.

6. I had my first flight at 28, in September last year.

7. I am an old fashioned romantic, though as I get older it becomes increasingly useless unless I want to seduce naive young boys.

8. I used to be terribly passionate about art but 4 years in university and 5 years in the industry has totally sucked the passion out of me.

9. I held a torch up for someone for almost 5 years and there was no happy ending to it.

10. I have appeared locally on TV before as an extra and internationally on BBC radio in an interview on gay people living in Kuala Lumpur.

11. The people I have dated are all different, from age group to personality and some even baffle me as to how I even ended up in a relationship with them. I must be desperate.

12. I hate idling and I have a short attention span unless it is something that interest me.

13. I have a morbid fascination for things associated with the dead - cemeteries, mummies, funerals, tombs etc.

14. I might possibly be the only one in my class in my schooling days who actually liked history for what it is and not a topic to ace in exams.

15. I hate and suck at mathematics. The day when I no longer had to deal with it after my foundation year in university was a day of celebration.

16. I have an overactive imagination. I formulate all sorts of scenarios in my head, and most of them are negative. Doesn't my blog user name already tells you something?

17. The only time you will ever catch me singing in public is when I am instructing in the gym.

18. I am very particular on who I consider as friends, and those that I do consider as friends have a special place in my life.

19. I love traveling but totally hate the logistics and planning.

20. If I could, I would like to change every single bit of my physical appearance - from my hair, down to my toes.

21. I think I am a terribly horny person.

22. I am very conservative when it comes to spending, unless it is something that I really, REALLY like.

23. Despite being gay, I still fantasize about having a family of my own and it saddens me sometimes that it probably will never come to be.

24. I get irked at people who take ages to answer me on messenger without a valid excuse.

25. I think I might be having commitment phobias.

Everyone who read this is considered tagged.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Starbucks English Muffin

Starbucks English Muffin, oh I love! Want! Want! Want! None of their rubbish coffee but oh, the English muffin! Oral orgasm! How can something this simple taste so heavenly? A piece of chicken ham and a piece of poached egg with a slice of cheese, garnished with a light sprinkling of pepper, all sandwiched between a lovely muffin and toasted lightly. One bite and I can hear James Morrison's You Make It Real, Madonna's Like A Virgin... touched for the very first time. I am suppose to be on a post holiday diet. But the muffin... it called my name... oh you naughty muffin! Now I am going to have to eat you...

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Dirty Sex

This post is relevant to the previous post and contains graphic depiction of what is technically necrophilia. Do not read further beyond this point if that notion offends you, but I know you are going to read anyway, so shut up and just enjoy.

Now imagine this, young girl in the cemetery in the middle of the night, mourning the supposed death of her vampire lover. She drops flowers at his grave and then turns to leave. Suddenly a cold dirty hand bursts out from the ground and grabs her leg. Girl screams and falls. Hand grabs tighter, girl screams louder and struggles. Horrible naked corpse like figure emerges from the cemetery ground and envelopes itself around girl. Girl agonizes her doom.

"Sookehhhhh..." horrible naked corpse like figure drawls, "Sookehhhhhh... it's meee..."

Girl stops screaming, takes a look at horrible naked corpse like figure, who turns out to be supposed deceased lover - who technically is already deceased since he is an undead. Undead lover appears to be not so dead after all. In a moment of mixed relief and pent-up frustration, girl reaches out to dirt-encrusted undead lover and kisses him. Did I mention dirt-encrusted? Moment of relief turns to passion, and then to wild animalistic lust. Naked, dirty, undead lover pops fangs and proceeds to roughly thrust his filthy dirt-encrusted penis into girl. Did I mention dirt-encrusted? Undead lover proceeds to strip girl while roughly copulating with girl with his dirty penis, in the CEMETERY. After a while, undead lover sinks fangs into willing girl after she says, "Not the neck...".

Talk about dirty sex. Aye carumba!

Monday, January 05, 2009

Bloody Good

Yesterday while exploring one of the new highway clogging malls along LDP, Tropicana Mall, I found this series in a DVD pirate joint. I have read about it before, from the creator of one of my favourite TV series, Six Feet Under, Alan Ball. A series about vampires set two years after "coming out of the coffin" due to the invention of artificial blood. With no need to feed on humans anymore, vampires now live in the open. The premise, unfortunately resembles the recent stupid vampire movie, Twilight which had fan girls frothing and orgasming at the same time, a romance between a human and a vampire. The only difference is, under the creative direction of Alan Ball, True Blood becomes a masterful piece of storytelling, if you don't mind the often distracting graphic sex scenes and nudity. Hell, even the title sequence is crammed with 18SX rated visuals, so I think you wouldn't be seeing this on local TV anytime soon. But you can take some pointers from here Miss Meyer, that you don't need an over-the-top good looking vampire from your wet dreams to a hold a story. Seriously, sparkling vampires?

I digress, the series is based on the Sookie Stackhouse book series by Charlaine Harris. That's right, the protagonist has the kooky name Sookie Stackhouse (played by Academy Award winner Anna Paquin), who happens to be a telepath. Due to her abilities she finds herself unable to have a normal relationship, which brings her close to a vampire named Bill Compton who walks into the bar where she works as a waitress one night. Bill who is undead has no brainwaves, which makes his thoughts silent to Sookie - a match made in Heaven. Though the awkward romance between the two takes centerstage in the series, what makes it move are the colourful supporting characters set in the fictional redneck Louisiana town, Bon Temps. Sookie's boss, Sam Merlotte, who also happens to harbour romantic feelings for her is a closet shape-shifter, her best friend, Tara Thornton is believed to be contaminated by demons, and her brother, Jason is a horny womanizer and spent most of the first few episodes with his clothes off in often graphically simulated sex scenes. I have only watched four episodes and I am already loving it. Unfortunately it is still in its first season. Oh well, there is always House MD and Grey's Anatomy to distract me in the wait.