Monday, March 27, 2006

The Producers My Ass

Are you gay? Do you love musicals? Thinking of watching The Producers? Well don't. Unless you wish to become Sleeping Beauty, but don't be too over enthusiastic about being kissed by Prince Charming because the only thing most likely to kiss you would be the Bangladeshi cleaner with the bushy moustache when the show is over.

Not sure what I am ranting about? The Producers has got to be the worst movie I have ever watched in theatres since Battlefield Earth. In fact, it might even be worse than the latter. At least Battlefield Earth was redeeming in the sense that its lack of intelligence made it comical. Someone should shoot Susan Stroman for unleashing this brain leech upon the masses. I have watched some really bad movies before, but none of them has ever made me want to walk out and forsake my ticket fee. Though in the end, the miser in me won through... and so I suffered two hours of excrutiating pain of having my brain liquified and siphoned out of my nostrils.

Probably attempting to hijack the successes of Moulin Rouge! and Chicago, The Producers assaults the senses with a crudely put together comedy and bad acting which just seems not possible especially when it's headed by some of Hollywood's most talented. People like Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick and Uma Thurman for God's sake. Makes you wonder if they really even wanted to be in the movie. There was not a single redeemable moment in The Producers, right from the beginning till the end. Well maybe except for Gary Bleach's fabulous portrayal of the transvestite director Roger De Bris and Roger Bart as his equally gay assistant Carmen Ghia.

Other than that, Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick practically bludgeoned the audience to death with their irritatingly maniacal and shallow characters, Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom, with their constant yelling and screaming. Will Ferrell further ups the annoyance level with his fake Americanised German accent and by the time Uma Thurman makes her appearance, you would wish you could set the cinema on fire. If I knew it was this bad I would have just spent the night watching gay porn, at least you know the orgasm is not faked.

Uma Thurman makes an attempt at Sharon Stone's pantyless leg cross.

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