The Wake

To me it is always a good thing to die young, however it is a tragedy for those you leave behind, I mean if you really do go somewhere when you die. Nowadays I must say my faith in the afterlife is not too strong. For some reason I am surrendered to the notion that when the heart stops and the brain dies, that's it. No light at the end of the tunnel, just nothing. The person we once were is just snuffed out to make way for the next generation. Yesterday's leftovers in the cycle of life.

Whatever my beliefs are, young deaths are never easy to accept, as in my cousin's case. I will not relate the cause of death but I would say in my personal opinion, was senseless. Funerals are for the living and so family and friends gathered last night, or at least those who could come anyway. I am never one too keen on family gatherings but being one who valued familial bonds I was compelled to attend the wake. What can I say? In reality, wakes of those who die of natural causes are rarely ever sombre. Mildly depressing maybe but never sombre. In a way they are no different from weddings, there are laughter and there are tears. Mostly tears but the laughter is always present. Most of all you find revelations and questions about the deceased that no one ever spoke of before.

I was pretty hesitant to view the casket and I knew I would regret it when I did but I went ahead with it anyway. And as I anticipated I did regret my decision. When the person is gone they just cease to be the person that you know. That was not the cousin I know lying in that wooden box. No offence Robin but we should sue the funeral director for the poor caricature they made of your body. One of the cousins commented he looked happy, I begged to differ. Maybe it was an act of self reassurance, but he certainly didn't look happy to me. The photo of him laughing on display, now that is him. Speaking of not happy, I immediately found myself whored to eligible female friends of his sister whom I am close with, much to my chagrin. But it wasn't a night to take centerstage so I held my tongue and led myself to be introduced as the eligible "good looking cousin".

I am most concerned for my aunt. Her hair is already too white for her age. Losing my uncle was one thing, but losing my cousin was probably a blow to her that I couldn't even begin to imagine. The old should never have to send off the young. The funeral is today but I am not attending due to work commitments. Why do I feel so guilty?