Hole In The Head

I don't want to have to deal with this.

I am tired, fed up, angry, disappointed and upset but it's not your fault though I really want to blame you for everything.

You should have had more courage to hold on to me if I was everything you've ever wanted instead of blaming your past.

We all have our pasts, if I can deal with it, why can't you?

I don't want to keep feeling the way I do.

I don't want to keep repeating this painful cycle.

Why am I allowed to feel this kind of happiness when eventually it would be taken away - it's not fair and yes God, I blame You.

I don't know where I am and I don't know where I am going but I know I don't want to be here.

There are no happy endings for people like us - gay men are programmed to be tragic and it spreads like a virus.

I don't want to be noble when all I can feel is how hurt I am and I want to scream at you for the pain you caused me.

I have become too damaged to sustain any more blows.

I have become too jaded to even cry - all the response I could dredge up is numbness.

I don't want to explain to everyone how we're no longer an item and I want to be left alone.