Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Hole In The Head

I don't want to have to deal with this.

I am tired, fed up, angry, disappointed and upset but it's not your fault though I really want to blame you for everything.

You should have had more courage to hold on to me if I was everything you've ever wanted instead of blaming your past.

We all have our pasts, if I can deal with it, why can't you?

I don't want to keep feeling the way I do.

I don't want to keep repeating this painful cycle.

Why am I allowed to feel this kind of happiness when eventually it would be taken away - it's not fair and yes God, I blame You.

I don't know where I am and I don't know where I am going but I know I don't want to be here.

There are no happy endings for people like us - gay men are programmed to be tragic and it spreads like a virus.

I don't want to be noble when all I can feel is how hurt I am and I want to scream at you for the pain you caused me.

I have become too damaged to sustain any more blows.

I have become too jaded to even cry - all the response I could dredge up is numbness.

I don't want to explain to everyone how we're no longer an item and I want to be left alone.


savante said...

Breakups are never easy. Sigh.

Elphaba said...

maybe when we learn to accept that everything is impermanent will we be at peace with the transient bliss we obtain every now and then.

k said...
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