Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Not A Man

Last night, I had dinner with a friend whom I met in gym. One of the rare ones which I knew from my own accord and not from being pimped by a total mamasan friend of mine (identity witheld for privacy purposes). And no, this person was not a date, rather just a casual friend. A topic that came into the conversation was about gay relationships in particular. Now this guy has been in a relationship with the same person for about two years, a relatively remarkable achievement in our circles.

My longest relationship lasted only a year, and that was partly because it was mostly long distance and there were set rules. Basically speaking, the relationship was open, though Roy put that into practice, I did not. I just didn't want to seem like I was holding him back. He asked me to go overseas to be with him and he wouldn't mind at all supporting me but I felt I was too young (then) to be making that kind of commitment. In the end, he found someone who could give him the commitment I couldn't and I let him go. I sulked for a day but other than that, I did not shed a tear. It was the first and last time I would ever submit to an open relationship.

Since then I have come a long way, and my innocence had taken a heavy beating - exes be damned. I remembered when I was 19, I was infatuated with this 26 year old guy I met who did not believe that a relationship gives one happiness. Of course being me then I tried my best to change his mind. Ironic that now when I am at the same age as him I should feel the same way he did. Being brought up the old fashion way, I always believe when you commit yourself to a relationship, you should try your best to make it work, cliche as it should sound, for better or for worse. How old fashioned? Let's just say before I came to the city, I'd only thought divorces happen on TV.

Gay or straight, men will be men. I guess because there is no legal binding (think marriage) to gay couples, it makes it even easier to call it quits whenever things get tough. Strangely enough I never really thought of myself as one of them, though not to say I think of myself as a woman. I am just... something else. Sometimes I think my mentality makes me an outcast even among my own 'kind'.

Not believing in the conventional way of bagging a man, Dr. Frank N Furter made his own boytoy.

No comments: