Sunday, July 22, 2007

Elliot Almighty

Now what would happen if God in the guise of Morgan Freeman decides to grant me omnipotent powers to teach me a lesson due to my discontent towards life in general. I would say it would be His biggest mistake after Lucifer... and humans. OK, before I get trashed for being sacrilegious, this entry is not meant to offend the Almighty. Honestly if I were a god, mankind would tremble in fear. They would be sacrificing everything from their pets to their children in hopes of placating my wrath. For one thing I would have no qualms about making dramatic appearances and demonstrating my awesome powers to terrorise mankind into submission.

Forget burning bushes, angels, prophets and saints, I would be making personal appearances Godzilla style. I would smite disbelieving humans in an overkill display of godly powers.

Puny human: You're not God... you're a MONSTER! I don't believe in you!!!
*KRAKOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!*
*Puny human disintegrates in a pile of cinders*
Spouse of puny human: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
*KRAKOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!*
*Spouse of puny human also disintegrates in a pile of cinders*
*Laughs maniacally*

I would be parting traffic jams like the Red Sea everyday on my way to work, or rather I would just blast them out of my way. Wait, why would God even need to work? On the good side, there would be no extremism because zealots would be too busy worshiping me in terror, of which there would still be no respite anyway because I would still be busy zapping at random just because I like doing it. Why bother worshiping then? Don't do it and I still smite the poor sods with a giant fist from the heavens. I will erase the troublesome Middle-East with but a stroke of my thumb and turn everyone there gay just because it seems ironically amusing to me. I will turn all the Chinese into tree hugging hippies and the Americans into fabulously campy cross dressers. FEAR ME!!!

Unfortunately, it is just another boring week day in the office, and God I am not. But one can still daydream no?

2 comments:

Magus_Young said...

Aiyo...so scary, good one on the Chinese though, but please dunt erase middle east lah, not until i've back packed trhough it :P

pleasant week...

Elliot T. McBeal said...

Magus: Gee hardly seem like a place to backpack, especially when there are terrorists who would just shoot you for no reason...