Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Blood & Testosterone

That's what I thought would have been a better title for the movie "300", though I am sure the ingenious Malay translation of "300 Pahlawan Berani Mati" or something along that line was very good also. If I had to listen to Gerard Butler yell "SPARTANS!!" or "SPARTA!!" one more time I swear I will develop a rash, in my ear canal.

"SPARTAAAAAA!!!!"
Leonidas does his manly thing, and you wonder why their helmets are so thick.


Yes, after much delaying and failure to procure tickets to this movie, I finally got around to watching it after three weeks since its Malaysian release. Accompanying me also was Sean, a fellow movie enthusiast who had also miraculously missed the early bird bandwagons to catch the much hyped movie. Though I have no choice but to agree that the generous show of muscular male physiques was very... ahem, impressive, the massive overdose of testosterone and male camaraderie was quite gagging. It's enough to make you want to put them on your lap and spank the manliness out of those well formed asses.

"I am beautiful, no matter what you say... words can't bring me down~"
Leonidas does his not so manly thing. Queen Gorgo appears stunned.


Who am I to say anyway, perhaps ancient Sparta was very much as Zack Snyder portrayed it. I have to admit, the whole over-the-top imagery was quite breathtaking (except the Oracle's suspiciously beer-commercial like trance sequence) . Nevermind that it was not 100% historically accurate (when was any movie anyway), so critics, Iranians, Persians, self-appointed-historians and whatevers can put a sock into it because movies are made for entertainment. Get it? EN-TER-TAIN-MENT. It often baffles me as to how world leaders can make an ass out of themselves over a work of fiction when ordinary citizens can just laugh about it in good nature.

"All you have to do, is just bend over... I mean, kneel before me..."
How they made hottie Rodrigo Santoro into this over-sized drag queen baffles me.


Sean and I were having this this little exchange as we were coming out after the movie:

Sean: Sparta doesn't look like a very nice place to be born in, in those times, does it? (referring to their practice of abandoning weak/malformed/defective babies on Mt Taygetos to die).
Me: Oh well, I wasn't exactly born defective, maybe if I was born there I could have had those abs that I so badly wanted by now.
Sean: ...

I think Sean summed up 300 pretty nicely:

"Next time can we just go watch a good old fashion romantic comedy?"

For once, I had to agree. Now I have to suffer a few weeks of insecurity every time I take a look in the mirror. God damn it.

4 comments:

savante said...

Put them on your lap and spank the manliness out of those well formed asses.

OMG I am speechless. Pls let me do that!

k said...

i have no idea y everyone wants to watch it so badly. judging from the many reviews n comments. this'll b one of the last films i'll ever watch in my lifetime.

Elaine said...

*Gasps* You didn't like the movie??? But it was a blinding beam of glorious shining well-waxed brilliance!!!

Elliot T. McBeal said...

savante: Oh doctor... BEHAVE!

k: Just watch it for entertainment purposes. Just don't expect it will leave you with any great life revelations though :).

elaine: Two words. Brain rot.