Tree Is A Company VI: Epilogue

It's halfway through the twelve days of Christmas, after three tree changes, countless visits to countless malls, multiple rearrangements and ornament additions, an almost impossible quest for the right tree topper, three light blew outs and one house party later, I am proud to say the Christmas tree of 2008 was a success. I think it added a nice warm touch to my home for the holiday season. However the aftermath remains unclear as I have yet to receive my credit card bill though I know exactly how much I owe the bank. But nothing sinks in reality more than the tangible proof of your overspending. I also now have enough angel tree toppers to last another three years if I should decide to change my tree theme. I am, however, not looking forward to the end of the twelfth day and the monumental task of dismantling the whole thing and putting it back into storage. Makes me glad they don't have Chinese New Year trees...

In Memoriam

Eartha Kitt
1927 - 2008

The Tai Chi Master

One of the dangers in meeting new people is how the conversation can sometimes take a turn for the worse. Like for instance how I (think) offended this particular person without knowing it. We were talking about group exercise programs in the gyms upon which the topic fell on tai chi. He was relating to me how in his youth he had bad asthma and how this so called "master" taught him some tai chi breathing and exercises which helped him a lot. He elaborated on how this master was of great reputation and don't take students easily, sort of like your stereotypical "shi fu" stock character (think Pai Mei in Kill Bill), and how he said that he's just going to show him once on some basic exercises once and after that he shouldn't bother him again. Now I wouldn't be so taken aback by the rather arrogant behaviour of this "master" but I would admit to being dumbfounded as to why this person who is relating to me this story be talking about him so reverently.

Call me lacking in tact, but I pounced on it immediately, asking him why the man had to behave in such a haughty manner when it comes to imparting his skill. He explained to me that the "master" had such knowledge in his hands that he had to be careful in choosing who to teach them to, as the knowledge he had can empower someone with the ability to kill with his bare hands. Now that to me is pure poppycock. What did it have to do with the master's arrogant holier-than-thou attitude? Correct me if I am wrong, but any knowledge is a dangerous thing depending on how you wield it. Like how a car is an instrument for transport, but put it in the hands of a drunk and you have a weapon of mass destruction. So to me, having a little knowledge in martial arts does not automatically grant you divine status to judge everyone else. You can either choose to impart your knowledge wisely or not at all, so all the haughty behaviour was rather unnecessary.

I digress, this person did not take my point of view well at all. He then argued that he understood the master's opinion because being that he was a trainer of sorts as well, he believes one has to be stern when it comes to dealing with students as a way to build respect. But I countered, being stern was one thing, but behaving like you're a god when it comes to imparting knowledge is just uncalled for. I was reminded of the days when I was in high school where we had teachers of such who terrorized their students just because they were in a position of power. I bolstered the fact that I also trained people in my line of work and I understood the view of being stern, but I believed helping someone improve should be the basis of imparting a skill, not demonstrating your superiority to others. At this point, this person got exasperated and let slip that people like me should just "go home". Usually I don't take last resort retorts like that lightly but I can see when someone has hit his boiling point. But really, let's not forget, despite what a great kungfu master Pai Mei was, his arrogance became his downfall. And what did he die of? Getting poisoned - now THAT, is killing with style and finesse. Killing with your bare hand, so crude and barbaric.

In Memoriam

Majel Barrett-Roddenberry
1932 - 2008

Tree Is A Company V: Angel... WIN?

Finally, the right angel to top the tree! Almost exactly what I was hoping to find. And only for RM39.90, from your friendly store where furniture is sold like groceries, Ikano (where the infamous IKEA is also based).

Just the right size and colour too!

Heroic Chilean Dog

I salute you, wherever you are. God bless. You are way better than any human being on this Earth.

Tree Is A Company IV: Christmas Lights FAIL... AGAIN

Seriously, what are the chances that two strands of lights blow out before Christmas while the third replacement, after a painstaking extrication and replacement session, HAS A FAULTY CONNECTOR? My currently half unadorned Christmas tree sits in the center of the living room awaiting the next set of replacement lights, with ornaments strewn all over the floor and sofa.

Yes indeed, I DO hate Christmas.

On a positive not, I loved Bolt. You've got to admit, it was cheesy, it was predictable and it was definitely designed to make you go "Awwww..." but hell, it's one of those movies that just makes you feel all melted and warm and fuzzy inside. Almost brought a tear to my eye... ALMOST. It sure beats Twilight, although very much a faithful adaptation of the book despite the compressed timelines. Both are crap, and Stephenie Meyer ought to be shot for unleashing this gruesome equivalent of a teenage girl's wet dream into the world. What the hell is wrong with those people out there who loves this piece of literary garbage?

The line that really cracked me and whiterabbit up:

Edward: (Looking all angsty while getting all sparkly like Christmas tinsel under the sun) This is the skin of a monster.
Bella: You're so beautiful...

Both of us almost gagged.

Tree Is A Company III: Christmas Lights FAIL

I thought that would be the end of it when I finally swore off spending more on the Christmas tree. Firstly, I have yet to stop visiting Christmas deco departments, mostly due to the fact that HRH is not around to smack me. However, I did not buy anything although my tree is still missing a topper which had me hunting in almost every major mall in the Klang Valley (other than the terribly secluded ones in Klang). The furthest I went would probably be the obscure Great Eastern Mall, located along Jalan Ampang, which is almost a good 45 minutes drive from where I stay, provided there is no bad traffic of course which is highly unlikely nowadays. They had some pretty ones which are unfortunately astronomically priced.

Secondly, I came out of my room one night into the living room to discover something was not quite right with my tree. It took me about 5 seconds to realise that the lower half of the tree was in darkness. Apparently the whole strand consisting of 100 lights had fried - which would mean I had to slowly extricate the mentioned section by removing all the ornaments. Fine, despite my annoyed disposition, I had to buy another strand of lights to replace the burnt out section (who the hell makes Christmas lights which fries the whole length?). To my annoyance, due to the rearranging, the tree now looks slightly unbalanced. To the lay person it would probably mean nothing, but the inner angsty artist in me screamed. Fine, nevermind, I thought, while I smothered the screaming angsty artist. Barely one hour later, the replaced section flickered and before my very eyes, the lower half of the tree was plunged into darkness again!

"Must... control... fist... of... death...."


It took all my strength to control the welling rabid madness within me and not rush towards my overpriced tree and rip it to pieces with my bare hands. Post mortem discovery - my multi-socket plug proved to be the culprit. The loose connection had somehow resulted in a surge. Result - another strand of lights needed, which means yet another painstaking removal and replacement session. Did I mention how much I hate Christmas?

Tree Is A Company (Part II)

The troublesome and expensive Christmas tree, pictures as per requested.

A wider view of the tree with my pet house plant.

Angel tree topper FAIL. The angel that was too heavy for the tree from Pinky. But it is so pretty right?

Tree Is A Company

I have a love hate relationship with Christmas. It's the season that gets me down and it is also the season that invokes unwelcome feelings in me. The only thing I love about Christmas are the Christmas trees. I am even less enthusiastic about receiving Christmas presents as compared to setting up a tree. Don't ask me why, but I have a feeling it stems from some repressed childhood thing when we used to set up an artificial tree back in hometown every Christmas season though nobody in my family are Christians. I never really asked my mother why we did it despite us being a family of freethinkers and pagan idol worshipers. I theorized it was really just for the sake of us kids. The "tradition" stopped after we started having dogs. According to my mother, she didn't want to have dog fur getting caught up in the tree though I suspected it was more because she didn't want the hassle of extracting the tree from our hazardously overloaded storeroom.

After a few years of living in the city alone and watching over the top and extravagant trees being set up in malls during Christmas season (I blame Metrojaya for the bulk of my obsession), I finally caved in last year and hastily bought a 5 feet tree from Tesco which I haphazardly cobbled together with budget trimmings in a vain attempt to make it look expensive. The end result was disastrous. Not so much because it ended up looking cheap and pathetic, but because it fueled by obsession that I needed to do better next year. My mother did not over-reacted as I thought she would when she popped by for a visit:

"A Christmas tree? You should have just asked for the old one at home if you wanted one instead of buying a new one."

I kept telling friends after that I am going to go bigger the next year, and get a 6 feet one. They just rolled their eyes and thought I was crazy. So my obsession began anew last month, the same moment Metrojaya began setting up their Christmas deco, so yes, they are to be blamed for my insanity. I attempted to refrain from giving in to my obsession to go bigger so I just hauled out the old 5 feet one and set it up, this time with new lights and ribbon garlands. The final result was no different from last year, it ended up looking sad and small in the corner of my living room and I couldn't bring myself to look upon it without feeling ashamed. With vengeance, I renewed my search for a bigger tree despite it being the middle of November, visiting different malls every few days and yes, bloody Metrojaya, in hopes of finding the tree of my dreams. No such luck from the latter considering their most decent trees were priced from RM400 onwards but God did it made my obsession burn. Just with luck, Carrefour was starting to sell trees, and the 6 feet one (made in Vietnam) was going for just RM50, and the branches look really thick with needles too. I could have made a Dr. Evil expression at the thought of getting a tree that large for such a steal.

So off I trotted home, delighted with my bargain to set up my tree. Coincidentally, Laynie was suppose to come over for a DVD night and found herself reluctantly drafted into my insane quest.

"Why the hell do you have two trees?"

I wasn't about to let my enthusiasm be dampened. But what's this as I began to unpack the thing:

"No hinged branches?"

It didn't look good. No hinged branches means higher susceptibility to wear and tear with each use. It was then I began to realize that nothing comes cheap without consequences. The quality was really poor. So poor that a little branch broke off as I was unfurling it. In my estimates, the tree probably wouldn't last 3 years without looking denuded. But still, I tried being optimistic. So after almost 3 hours, the end result was somewhat better than the previous tree. Not satisfied with the result, I started visiting malls again to compare. Yes, BACK TO METROJAYA... AGAIN. I wasn't going to be outdone, so after getting more trimmings from several places, I decided finally that my tree now looks more presentable...

Or does it?

Something was not right. After more visits to malls and more comparisons made later, I found my tree despite being 6 feet did not have foliage that covered the stand. But no, I wasn't going to feed my insane obsession of Christmas trees anymore. But itchy me, I could not resist a peek at the affluent neighbourbood malls of Bangsar during a lunch outing with whiterabbit.

"My tree needs berries," I proclaimed.

"Berries?"

"To top the tree!"

So yet another friend fell victim to my obsession and was for an hour dragged around Bangsar Village to look at Christmas decorations. The search turned up fruitless (excuse the pun), so off I went again, TO METROJAYA (curses!) and finally found what I was looking for. Berry branches, at RM10.90 a piece, and I got four. Finally I decided, this was going to be it. No more! Or so I vainly thought...

The nagging feeling that I had gotten myself a bad purchase with the RM50 tree continued to chew at my conscience. So this time I sneaked a peek at Bangsar Shopping Centre during closing hours after my session in the gym, and I caught sight of a nice tree going for RM249.

"Gulp. Must... resist..."

But I wasn't going to give in so easily, I had to go back this time and compare carefully. I can always decide again tomrrow because I would be around the area. So after coming home and staring at my already set up tree like for what seem like an eternity, I decided Carrefour tree had to go. So again I was in BSC the next day. However after closer inspection, I found I did not like that tree so much, so partially relieved, I did not make the purchase. It didn't end there - I somehow found myself in Pavilion, in the heart of KL. I was doomed the moment I stepped in Parkson. There among the trees available, was a 7 feet tree of excellent quality, with REAL pine cones, selling at RM599 for a discounted price of RM419.30.

"Gag."

It didn't help that I was also feeling somewhat depressed over the week over issues. The more sad I was, the more likely I will be to do stupid things to keep me preoccupied. I spent the next few hours running around in the Golden Triangle area looking at even MORE decorations in an attempt to discourage myself. I even saw a luxurious tree with detailed pine needles, going for RM1000+. I was going insane. RM419.30 is better than that price right? RIGHT??? My fate was sealed. In the end I was RM419.30 poorer, having two twinks lug my "Austrian Pine" to my car 4 floors down at the other end of the mall. A spectacle that HRH Nut would have been proud of. I spent a total 7 hours taking down my Carrefour tree and setting up the new one over the course of the next 24 hours. I'd even had to get another 2 strings of lights to light the whole tree. Three days later, after regular lunch with Pinky, I ended up with a Christmas angel doll with ceramic hands and head which Pinky insisted she paid for. Guess what, it didn't fit the tree. BLAST!!!! It now sits at the kitchen counter, looking like something from a horror movie and very out of place.

"You are to smack me if you ever see me wandering into anymore Christmas deco sales in malls," I said to HRH Nut.

"Why?"

"I probably spent close to RM800 this year on the Christmas tree."

"Good lord..."

"But then again I heard they have quite nice decos in Great Eastern Mall!"

*SMACK!*