Frustration

This is an entry to alleviate Six's concern that my blog is dying, on top of the fact that I posted memoriams for two dead people twice in a row. What's wrong with honoring a geek who played a demon and a geek who is almost a demi-god to other geeks? In any case, Six, you will be happy to know that KFC is venturing into GRILLED chicken. A lot more healthier I must agree, but KGC just doesn't really have a nice ring to it - it sounds more like some secret terrorist organisation or some governmental department. Who can tell the difference nowadays.

So in case anyone out there is wondering why I often have a dearth and spurt period in producing blog entries, it is usually due to work. If I feel unhappy at work, entries come in less. Don't ask me why. The health of my writings is susceptible to my attitude and mood towards work. And at this moment, I am dying to get out but the current state of the world economy is holding me back from taking the risk. Low pay is better than no pay. I find it quite distressing how my creativity has been hitting a slump for the past 5 years. For any designer, that might as well be a death knell. And I don't know if it is just me or the state of the creative industry in Malaysia. For example, I have no real free reign over things I design. I might as well just ask my seniors and managers to dictate and I just vomit out the result, because in the end, none of the ideas are really mine. It doesn't help that my senior colleague speaks to me in a tone that I find demeaning. One might think I am not open to criticism, but I think there's a big difference in constructive criticism and plain insult. I hope this answers concerns as to why my Facebook status often expresses my urge for mayhem and violence towards my peers.

I don't think a holiday is going to help much either. I tend to come back feeling depressed and worse that it had to end and I am back to the vicious cycle. What I need is a job that I am interested in that doesn't make me feel like I am in a virtual prison for 8 hours a day. Right now, I feel like a trapped, stifled animal and I believe I am venting out my frustrations in unhealthy outlets. I NEED to GET OUT.