For those who did not follow my exploits in Livejournal, basically the topic of this entry is about this guy whom I have been in love with for three years. How can that be? Just let me summarise it like this, unrequited love and I've grown to get used to the fact that he will never feel for me the way I feel for him. At first it was difficult for me to accept whenever he gets attached, but three years down it has dulled into a mild annoyance whenever he speaks about his latest conquest. Of course in that three years I did not exactly hold out for him; I did date other people. Just that basically my feelings for him never changed. Until lately that is...
And this is what this entry is about. Over the weekend I found my feelings for him have somewhat died. As with all things, he has changed. He is no longer the person I fell in love with. As nicotinegum suggested I think he has become a jerk. He has no respect for his boyfriend, no guilt when it comes to flaunting his fidelity and worst still from his own admittance, he no longer believes in a relationship. The very innocence that I used to adore in him has become corrupted. Don't get me wrong, it didn't get replaced, it is still there, just that it has become a mockery of what it once was. Like a rosy apple with unseen worms inside.
I am rather disappointed at the change but at the same time confused on my stand on this matter. To be honest I don't really know if I can really say my feelings for him died, I just know I don't like the way he is now. I am in no position to tell him what I feel is wrong or right. Sometimes I wonder if my opinions to him are as unbiased as the ones I give to ordinary friends. Whenever he tells me he is on the verge of a breakup, I always feel a tinge of excitement at the prospect of him being single again. This time however, that feeling has somewhat diminished because I do not agree with the reasons he gave. Maybe it is just me and my dislike towards change.
Sunday, July 30, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Tales From The Gym
After a month instructing at the not-so-new "new" venue, I have finally had enough of the poorly maintained equipment. Members looked half-dead from the erratic bursts in resistance and I felt like someone threw a punch in my gut. So I sent this message to the "ever friendly" coordinator:
Dude, I know your manager promised you new bikes, but can you look into upkeeping the current ones first? It's like a ride of death every week.
Barely a minute later, a reply came:
Already called for repair...
I was rather pleased with the reply but later after I left the locker and came back I saw this message on my phone:
Please understand I teach there too. We've been rushing them to repair all the time.
Took a look at the schedule board, and "friendly coordinator"'s name was not there. He must be thinking I was borned yesterday. Not that I am not being empathic to the coordinators' endless declarations of being very busy people, but most of the other coordinators I worked with are very receptive to any reports of the condition of the equipments. The previous coordinator kept them spic & span. Another coordinator at the neighbouring branch entertained no excuses for delay from the maintenance people. Incompetence? You tell me.
Dude, I know your manager promised you new bikes, but can you look into upkeeping the current ones first? It's like a ride of death every week.
Barely a minute later, a reply came:
Already called for repair...
I was rather pleased with the reply but later after I left the locker and came back I saw this message on my phone:
Please understand I teach there too. We've been rushing them to repair all the time.
Took a look at the schedule board, and "friendly coordinator"'s name was not there. He must be thinking I was borned yesterday. Not that I am not being empathic to the coordinators' endless declarations of being very busy people, but most of the other coordinators I worked with are very receptive to any reports of the condition of the equipments. The previous coordinator kept them spic & span. Another coordinator at the neighbouring branch entertained no excuses for delay from the maintenance people. Incompetence? You tell me.
Monday, July 24, 2006
There's Something About "Mary"
There is this particular guy who always catches my eye whenever I instruct at this gym. Twice a week I'm there and he'll be there as well. I am not implying he is stalking me of course, he's just there probably because that was the most convenient branch that he goes to. In fact he never joins any classes as far as I could see. He just works with the weights. Really tanned fellow, lean build and abs to die for, and this coming from a person who is not much into abs (I consider myself a more shoulder and arms person). He looks totally cool (in an icy sort of way), and it's a rare opportunity to actually catch him smiling.
In case anyone thinks I am being swept off my feet, this is not what it is all about. He just catches my eye. Much like a pretty looking cake, but you have no desire whatsoever to eat it. I am just curious as to why he catches my eye. Then yesterday it dawned on me. He looked almost like someone I used to date. Someone who later really messed me up (doesn't almost every single one of them?). Of course this one is a lot better looking than the guy I used to date. Definitely three times more buffed. However now that I know who he reminds me of I have kind of lost my visual appetite. He could smile at me and I think it would be my turn to turn icy.
In case anyone thinks I am being swept off my feet, this is not what it is all about. He just catches my eye. Much like a pretty looking cake, but you have no desire whatsoever to eat it. I am just curious as to why he catches my eye. Then yesterday it dawned on me. He looked almost like someone I used to date. Someone who later really messed me up (doesn't almost every single one of them?). Of course this one is a lot better looking than the guy I used to date. Definitely three times more buffed. However now that I know who he reminds me of I have kind of lost my visual appetite. He could smile at me and I think it would be my turn to turn icy.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
So Why Am I Single?
I am unhappy being single.
I am even more unhappy being attached.
Or so it has proven so far. I will admit to being bitter over my failed relationships. I consider all my exes (maybe except the first one) hitch-hikers. They see you as a conduit, and when they are done with their part of the journey they just get off. The only difference in a true hitch-hiker is they just share your journey for a moment, while in exes they don't share. They take a part of you that you are not willing to part with at the end of the journey. So maybe in a way, they are more like hijackers than hitch-hikers.
Yes, I am bitter. I am VERY bitter. Some may say I am just being petty for blaming my exes for how I choose to feel and for everything that went wrong. Maybe they're right. It has always been about choices, but I hate my exes for giving me the choice to choose despair. Vengeful as it may sound, nothing will satisfy me more than to see them suffer the way they made me suffer. I will readily agree that in the end it will never make me feel better. It will not make me 'whole' again the way I was before.
Anger is not a hot feeling. It has made me cold. I sensed sometimes it has become a hindrance for anyone to connect to me. Though I see the good in people, I see their flaws more. When people approach me I feel nothing most of the time but revulsion. My suspicion of their intentions makes me slam the door in their faces. But I am not a bad person. It just takes a little time to get around my wall. However not many is willing to take the effort. So until I meet someone who does, I don't think I need to answer anymore questions about my singlehood.
They've got a wall in China
It's a thousand miles long
To keep out the foreigners
They made it strong
And I've got a wall around
That you can't even see
It took a little time
To get next to me
I hope you will find yourself over that wall some day.
I am even more unhappy being attached.
Or so it has proven so far. I will admit to being bitter over my failed relationships. I consider all my exes (maybe except the first one) hitch-hikers. They see you as a conduit, and when they are done with their part of the journey they just get off. The only difference in a true hitch-hiker is they just share your journey for a moment, while in exes they don't share. They take a part of you that you are not willing to part with at the end of the journey. So maybe in a way, they are more like hijackers than hitch-hikers.
Yes, I am bitter. I am VERY bitter. Some may say I am just being petty for blaming my exes for how I choose to feel and for everything that went wrong. Maybe they're right. It has always been about choices, but I hate my exes for giving me the choice to choose despair. Vengeful as it may sound, nothing will satisfy me more than to see them suffer the way they made me suffer. I will readily agree that in the end it will never make me feel better. It will not make me 'whole' again the way I was before.
Anger is not a hot feeling. It has made me cold. I sensed sometimes it has become a hindrance for anyone to connect to me. Though I see the good in people, I see their flaws more. When people approach me I feel nothing most of the time but revulsion. My suspicion of their intentions makes me slam the door in their faces. But I am not a bad person. It just takes a little time to get around my wall. However not many is willing to take the effort. So until I meet someone who does, I don't think I need to answer anymore questions about my singlehood.
They've got a wall in China
It's a thousand miles long
To keep out the foreigners
They made it strong
And I've got a wall around
That you can't even see
It took a little time
To get next to me
I hope you will find yourself over that wall some day.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Mysterious Klang Valley: Part I
Klang Valley, a strange place of many mysteries. Where the unexplained thrives amid everyday lives.
The Mystery of the Traffic Slow-Down
In many areas around Klang Valley there are strange spots where strange occurrences happen that seem to defy logic, the unexplainable traffic slow-downs are one of them. This phenomenon have been known to happen on highways, one of the most afflicted being Federal Highway in front of Angkasapuri. For reasons unknown, traffic will automatically slow down in such areas at all hours of the day, usually resulting in massive traffic congestions during rush hours. Strangely after one has cleared the area, traffic immediately begins to pick up again.
Intelligent minds such as mine have theorised the possibility of some distortion in space, time and continuum, a result of a cocktail of stupidity caused by drivers who passed their driving tests via bribery and poor city planning. Drivers who have passed by such stretches have reported fluctuation in patience and temper and also loss of time.
The Strange Diggers
Almost observed in many parts of Klang Valley, the Strange Diggers resemble roadworks labourers. These enigmatic beings have been known to appear at the same spot again and again to continuously dig up the roads at all hours of the day and night, but more commonly during peak busy hours. Appearances vary, sometimes just consisting of a few workers to full blown menageries of heavy duty tractors and steamrollers accompanied by a whole army of labourers. A badly patched up road is the usual sign that the Strange Diggers have been at work.
Of what reason why these strange beings keep digging at the same spots are unknown. It is believed that Klang Valley apparently sits on a large gold mine and the government is involved in an elaborate cover-up to deceive the masses about this. Others have speculated that the government are building an elaborate network of tunnels beneath Klang Valley. The existence of such tunnels are well-known in the administrative capital of Putrajaya. Could it be possible that such similar tunnels are being built right beneath our noses? What purpose could these mysterious tunnels serve?
Petronas Twin Towers: The Great Mausoleum of the Modern Age?
The Petronas Twin Towers have been known to be the pride and pinnacle of success of the Malaysian government. Look carefully though. The towers resemble a typical Islamic tomb. For those who have never seen one, a typical Islamic tomb consist of a a raised tier which is topped by twin tombstones. In the Petronas Twin Towers' case, KLCC resembles the raised tier while the twin towers resemble the tombstones. But if a tomb is what KLCC is, then who could it be possibly for? Ancient rulers of the past have been known to built elaborate tombs while they are still alive. However, the king is a constitutional and elected monarch, which eliminates the chance that any particular king is getting any special tomb. Could it be possible that some kind of conspiracy ala Da Vinci Code be involved? If so, who could possibly be buried underneath the concourse of KLCC?
*Disclaimer: This entry is meant for satirical purposes only.
The Mystery of the Traffic Slow-Down
In many areas around Klang Valley there are strange spots where strange occurrences happen that seem to defy logic, the unexplainable traffic slow-downs are one of them. This phenomenon have been known to happen on highways, one of the most afflicted being Federal Highway in front of Angkasapuri. For reasons unknown, traffic will automatically slow down in such areas at all hours of the day, usually resulting in massive traffic congestions during rush hours. Strangely after one has cleared the area, traffic immediately begins to pick up again.
Intelligent minds such as mine have theorised the possibility of some distortion in space, time and continuum, a result of a cocktail of stupidity caused by drivers who passed their driving tests via bribery and poor city planning. Drivers who have passed by such stretches have reported fluctuation in patience and temper and also loss of time.
The Strange Diggers
Almost observed in many parts of Klang Valley, the Strange Diggers resemble roadworks labourers. These enigmatic beings have been known to appear at the same spot again and again to continuously dig up the roads at all hours of the day and night, but more commonly during peak busy hours. Appearances vary, sometimes just consisting of a few workers to full blown menageries of heavy duty tractors and steamrollers accompanied by a whole army of labourers. A badly patched up road is the usual sign that the Strange Diggers have been at work.
Of what reason why these strange beings keep digging at the same spots are unknown. It is believed that Klang Valley apparently sits on a large gold mine and the government is involved in an elaborate cover-up to deceive the masses about this. Others have speculated that the government are building an elaborate network of tunnels beneath Klang Valley. The existence of such tunnels are well-known in the administrative capital of Putrajaya. Could it be possible that such similar tunnels are being built right beneath our noses? What purpose could these mysterious tunnels serve?
Petronas Twin Towers: The Great Mausoleum of the Modern Age?
The Petronas Twin Towers have been known to be the pride and pinnacle of success of the Malaysian government. Look carefully though. The towers resemble a typical Islamic tomb. For those who have never seen one, a typical Islamic tomb consist of a a raised tier which is topped by twin tombstones. In the Petronas Twin Towers' case, KLCC resembles the raised tier while the twin towers resemble the tombstones. But if a tomb is what KLCC is, then who could it be possibly for? Ancient rulers of the past have been known to built elaborate tombs while they are still alive. However, the king is a constitutional and elected monarch, which eliminates the chance that any particular king is getting any special tomb. Could it be possible that some kind of conspiracy ala Da Vinci Code be involved? If so, who could possibly be buried underneath the concourse of KLCC?
*Disclaimer: This entry is meant for satirical purposes only.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Fitness Failure
So what does it mean to be a fitness instructor? I used to believe it was about changing lives. I mean, that was even the tagline that is being used to encourage people to participate. It certainly changed mine. So it must be about helping others to become something better, right?
Wrong.
Either I am terribly naive or maybe it is just the fitness industry in particular. I won't say all, but I would say most instructors are just plain narcissists, nepotists, hypocrites and superficial. The higher they go, the less they uphold their original charter. This may seem like a blunt attack, and I will probably risk reprisals should any of my fitness colleagues read this. Then again, if none of them are what I described, they won't feel affected. Just to be fair, I am not naming an parties.
Everyday when each of us step on the stage, supposedly to lead a group of people to better fitness, I wonder how many of us are really up there for self-glorification or to share an experience. When we step off the stage, we don't talk about the lives we change, we talk about class numbers, we laugh about some poor fellow who had difficulty following the class, we demean and backstab others to make ourselves look good. We would go through any lengths, abuse our positions if necessary just to make sure those we do not like stay where they are. We flaunt the very rules we made while using them to control others. We glorify our achievements and think little of those who helped us earn it. We think of ourselves as 'something else', higher than the rest. We forget, once upon a time, we were just as pathetic as any other fitness fledglings who come to our classes everyday, adoring us, wanting to become just like us.
Well don't worship us for we are nothing. I am ashamed to be what I am. Most of all I feel I have not only fundamentally failed to uphold the responsibility of being an instructor, but I have also become a dirty politician having to wipe my hands clean in order to avoid being victimised. I have tried to help others the way I was helped before, but I find now it may very well be my undoing. From what I can see, fitness is now nothing more than a temple to our vanity. I look at it now with utter disgust and I cannot do my classes without feeling the shame.
Full transition to fitness industry? I take it back. If this is what it takes to be a "good instructor", I rather be nobody.
Wrong.
Either I am terribly naive or maybe it is just the fitness industry in particular. I won't say all, but I would say most instructors are just plain narcissists, nepotists, hypocrites and superficial. The higher they go, the less they uphold their original charter. This may seem like a blunt attack, and I will probably risk reprisals should any of my fitness colleagues read this. Then again, if none of them are what I described, they won't feel affected. Just to be fair, I am not naming an parties.
Everyday when each of us step on the stage, supposedly to lead a group of people to better fitness, I wonder how many of us are really up there for self-glorification or to share an experience. When we step off the stage, we don't talk about the lives we change, we talk about class numbers, we laugh about some poor fellow who had difficulty following the class, we demean and backstab others to make ourselves look good. We would go through any lengths, abuse our positions if necessary just to make sure those we do not like stay where they are. We flaunt the very rules we made while using them to control others. We glorify our achievements and think little of those who helped us earn it. We think of ourselves as 'something else', higher than the rest. We forget, once upon a time, we were just as pathetic as any other fitness fledglings who come to our classes everyday, adoring us, wanting to become just like us.
Well don't worship us for we are nothing. I am ashamed to be what I am. Most of all I feel I have not only fundamentally failed to uphold the responsibility of being an instructor, but I have also become a dirty politician having to wipe my hands clean in order to avoid being victimised. I have tried to help others the way I was helped before, but I find now it may very well be my undoing. From what I can see, fitness is now nothing more than a temple to our vanity. I look at it now with utter disgust and I cannot do my classes without feeling the shame.
Full transition to fitness industry? I take it back. If this is what it takes to be a "good instructor", I rather be nobody.
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Quick Update
I am finally with a new job but I am not so sure now if I made the right decision. For one thing, I definitely have a problem with bosses who does not like MSN Messengers. Don't like it? Then start training your employees to talk more before their mouths disappear. Secondly, I have been warned by a former intern that my new boss is one of those evangelistic Christians, bent on influencing non-Christians that they are leading sinful lives and that Christ is the only way to salvation. Currently there are two Muslims in the office so they are fodder to any attempts at mass conversion. On the other hand, I would like to see him try his tricks on me. No offence but I derive sadistic joy from debunking wannabe evangelists.
I have also come to realise suddenly how much I despise office life. If there is one thing I can agree with MLM (Multi Level Marketing) enthusiasts is that we whore a minimum of 8 hours a day, most of the time doing something we don't like for a measely salary. There is nothing I look forward more at the end of the day than to flee from the office and go and teach my classes at the gym. I can see now why my fellow instructors have made a migration from the normal doldrum of office life to full-time instructing in the gym. There is definitely more satisfation in it than making my ass fatter by sitting in the office. It's a question now of whether I will make a full transition into the fitness industry. No permanent decisions yet, but I have a feeling that a countdown is in the works and I don't think I will stay here at the new job for any longer than a year. Speaking of gym, I gave up one of my very first classes in USJ in exchange for one that is closer to the new workplace. The number of attendees are appalling, and I can see it's going to be an uphill task to bring up class numbers. It is no wonder that a certain sweaty instructor was so willing to pass it over to me.
Career choices aside, I think I have to stop going huge distances just to prove to someone that I care. Sometimes I wonder if I am really doing those things because of those reasons, perhaps it is just to prove to myself that making sacrifices and making commitments is a natural thing to do. Maybe being a martyr is like an ingrained thing in me but whatever it is, it is a depressive feeling when after all the effort the person just don't realise the significance of your actions. But it's alright because at the end of the day you just can't regret the choices you make even though you know how much you want to. I need to believe that loving someone is not about hoping that it will be returned. Most of all, I need to start loving that person in the mirror more.
I have also come to realise suddenly how much I despise office life. If there is one thing I can agree with MLM (Multi Level Marketing) enthusiasts is that we whore a minimum of 8 hours a day, most of the time doing something we don't like for a measely salary. There is nothing I look forward more at the end of the day than to flee from the office and go and teach my classes at the gym. I can see now why my fellow instructors have made a migration from the normal doldrum of office life to full-time instructing in the gym. There is definitely more satisfation in it than making my ass fatter by sitting in the office. It's a question now of whether I will make a full transition into the fitness industry. No permanent decisions yet, but I have a feeling that a countdown is in the works and I don't think I will stay here at the new job for any longer than a year. Speaking of gym, I gave up one of my very first classes in USJ in exchange for one that is closer to the new workplace. The number of attendees are appalling, and I can see it's going to be an uphill task to bring up class numbers. It is no wonder that a certain sweaty instructor was so willing to pass it over to me.
Career choices aside, I think I have to stop going huge distances just to prove to someone that I care. Sometimes I wonder if I am really doing those things because of those reasons, perhaps it is just to prove to myself that making sacrifices and making commitments is a natural thing to do. Maybe being a martyr is like an ingrained thing in me but whatever it is, it is a depressive feeling when after all the effort the person just don't realise the significance of your actions. But it's alright because at the end of the day you just can't regret the choices you make even though you know how much you want to. I need to believe that loving someone is not about hoping that it will be returned. Most of all, I need to start loving that person in the mirror more.
Monday, June 26, 2006
If You Knew You Were Going To Die Today, What Would You Do?
I got tagged by the evil whiterabbit. As if I wasn't morbid enough.
Well first of all I would bemoan the unfairness of the whole situation, so many things I have not done, so many things that I still want to do. Well actually come to think of it, maybe I won't. Think I have always been ready to die anyway, with or without unfinished business. OK maybe I do need to tie up some loose ends first, beginning with the erasure of all the porn in my PC and the destruction of all the likes stored in CDs. There are probably one or two gay magazines lying around but I think I will leave those just to leave some unanswered questions to torment the living.
Of everything that I currently own I don't think I really need to deal with it personally because I think my family will know how to handle it. All my CDs will probably go to Jon Jon as mentioned before though I doubt he will really understand the true message stored in them which will be my unspoken story. My books, my precious books, I think will be the ones I will worry for the most. I don't think anybody will really truly know the meaning I place in my books. Though I would hate to see the entire collection separated, I will probably delegate my friends to do what they will with them. I am sure Kento would love to have the Neil Gaiman graphic novels so I guess he can have those. My fish will go to CJ, maybe he will figure what I mean by the legacy.
So property aside, so I guess now it's time to clear up the emotional part? I am sure most of my friends would love to see me forgive some people but sorry to say that's not going to happen. I mean if I'm going to die today why waste my time on insignificant people. Rather though, I think I would like to tell two special people in life on how much I love them, one of whom changed my life in ways he never knew, though I am with neither at the moment. It is also time to tell all the GXCs to screw themselves as I am dying and I will no longer be doing my classes. Besides that I don't think there is much need to say any goodbyes. Where I am going, everyone will come to sooner or later - memento mori. Just kidding...
Once everything in KL is settled, it's time to return home to the hometown, and to die where the happiest days of my life were. Probably I will leave instructions for my funeral, a jazz one. No point really in crying over an ending, celebrate my life, even though it may not have been totally well-lived. Realistically speaking though, half of the things I mentioned above will probably remain undone. After all, all I have is 24 hours.
Well first of all I would bemoan the unfairness of the whole situation, so many things I have not done, so many things that I still want to do. Well actually come to think of it, maybe I won't. Think I have always been ready to die anyway, with or without unfinished business. OK maybe I do need to tie up some loose ends first, beginning with the erasure of all the porn in my PC and the destruction of all the likes stored in CDs. There are probably one or two gay magazines lying around but I think I will leave those just to leave some unanswered questions to torment the living.
Of everything that I currently own I don't think I really need to deal with it personally because I think my family will know how to handle it. All my CDs will probably go to Jon Jon as mentioned before though I doubt he will really understand the true message stored in them which will be my unspoken story. My books, my precious books, I think will be the ones I will worry for the most. I don't think anybody will really truly know the meaning I place in my books. Though I would hate to see the entire collection separated, I will probably delegate my friends to do what they will with them. I am sure Kento would love to have the Neil Gaiman graphic novels so I guess he can have those. My fish will go to CJ, maybe he will figure what I mean by the legacy.
So property aside, so I guess now it's time to clear up the emotional part? I am sure most of my friends would love to see me forgive some people but sorry to say that's not going to happen. I mean if I'm going to die today why waste my time on insignificant people. Rather though, I think I would like to tell two special people in life on how much I love them, one of whom changed my life in ways he never knew, though I am with neither at the moment. It is also time to tell all the GXCs to screw themselves as I am dying and I will no longer be doing my classes. Besides that I don't think there is much need to say any goodbyes. Where I am going, everyone will come to sooner or later - memento mori. Just kidding...
Once everything in KL is settled, it's time to return home to the hometown, and to die where the happiest days of my life were. Probably I will leave instructions for my funeral, a jazz one. No point really in crying over an ending, celebrate my life, even though it may not have been totally well-lived. Realistically speaking though, half of the things I mentioned above will probably remain undone. After all, all I have is 24 hours.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Good News Everyone!
The crew of Planet Express is back! Futurama is being revived by Comedy Central for at least 13 episodes and will be airing in 2008. Can't wait! Meanwhile, I think I will go purchase the DVDs and gorge myself with the past 4 seasons.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Football
Football, the one thing that most men can't imaging living without.
Football, the one thing that most men will agree is the greatest sport ever.
And it should go to hell.
I am sick of whole hoolabaloo that is the World Cup. There is no respite from it. It's everywhere. From cars to insurance, cereals to softdrinks - every industry is jumping the World Cup bandwagon. Nine out of ten commercials on TV are about football. It's on every billboard on the roads. There is even a huge inflated football smack right at the seedy end of Jalan Bukit Bintang. I can't even ignore it because Hotlink is sending me unsolicited 'World Cup' sms updates every bloody morning... AT SIX! For God's sake, someone tried to organised a WORLD CUP TALK IN MY BLOODY COMPANY.
I go into an elevator after gym in the evening, nobody but me and this personal trainer inside. He looks at me for a while. I feigned nonchalance. I know what is on his mind but I thought maybe if I don't pay any attention to him he won't say it.
Personal Trainer: Just finished gym?
Me: Yes
Personal Trainer: Going home to watch football? *Grins*
Me: *Putrid Jean Grey PMS expression* NO YOU BLEEPING BREEDER!! I AM NOT FOOTIE FAN!!! NOW DIE SCUM!!!
Personal trainer disintegrates.
Well that was what I wished could have happened, but instead I just told him politely that I wasn't a footie fan. That particular evening, I also happened to be racing home to catch Charmed. Now generally I don't watch TV at all these days, but imagine my irritation to switch on the TV when I got home to find Charmed had been pre-empted so they could air some stupid World Cup forum with a bunch of fugly unknowns.
Is it suppose to be ingrained in every male to like football? I would like to clarify I for one am NOT interested in football whatsoever. Back in school, I wouldn't even want to watch my classmates chase a ball around the field, much less participate in it. In the last World Cup, I attempted to understand my brother and father's preoccupation with football by watching along. I still didn't see the attraction in watching several men chase a ball around a field while their fans go at each other's necks. For those you out there who think football is a very manly sport, think again. Everyone in football is more drama queen than soap operas. All you have to do is listen to the news on the radio every morning and you will know. And what other sport do you get men who openly embrace and kiss each other on the field?
I was quite appalled to hear someone saying that United Nations should take some lessons from World Cup. If any sporting event should get that honour, it's the Olympics and not some silly sport where managers and coaches bitch at each other over one player. They can chop off Wayne Rooney's leg for all I care.
Football, the one thing that most men will agree is the greatest sport ever.
And it should go to hell.
I am sick of whole hoolabaloo that is the World Cup. There is no respite from it. It's everywhere. From cars to insurance, cereals to softdrinks - every industry is jumping the World Cup bandwagon. Nine out of ten commercials on TV are about football. It's on every billboard on the roads. There is even a huge inflated football smack right at the seedy end of Jalan Bukit Bintang. I can't even ignore it because Hotlink is sending me unsolicited 'World Cup' sms updates every bloody morning... AT SIX! For God's sake, someone tried to organised a WORLD CUP TALK IN MY BLOODY COMPANY.
I go into an elevator after gym in the evening, nobody but me and this personal trainer inside. He looks at me for a while. I feigned nonchalance. I know what is on his mind but I thought maybe if I don't pay any attention to him he won't say it.
Personal Trainer: Just finished gym?
Me: Yes
Personal Trainer: Going home to watch football? *Grins*
Me: *Putrid Jean Grey PMS expression* NO YOU BLEEPING BREEDER!! I AM NOT FOOTIE FAN!!! NOW DIE SCUM!!!
Personal trainer disintegrates.
Well that was what I wished could have happened, but instead I just told him politely that I wasn't a footie fan. That particular evening, I also happened to be racing home to catch Charmed. Now generally I don't watch TV at all these days, but imagine my irritation to switch on the TV when I got home to find Charmed had been pre-empted so they could air some stupid World Cup forum with a bunch of fugly unknowns.
Is it suppose to be ingrained in every male to like football? I would like to clarify I for one am NOT interested in football whatsoever. Back in school, I wouldn't even want to watch my classmates chase a ball around the field, much less participate in it. In the last World Cup, I attempted to understand my brother and father's preoccupation with football by watching along. I still didn't see the attraction in watching several men chase a ball around a field while their fans go at each other's necks. For those you out there who think football is a very manly sport, think again. Everyone in football is more drama queen than soap operas. All you have to do is listen to the news on the radio every morning and you will know. And what other sport do you get men who openly embrace and kiss each other on the field?
I was quite appalled to hear someone saying that United Nations should take some lessons from World Cup. If any sporting event should get that honour, it's the Olympics and not some silly sport where managers and coaches bitch at each other over one player. They can chop off Wayne Rooney's leg for all I care.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Random Quotes from the Past 24 Hours
"Maybe you should write a screwy letter, laced with lust and lewdness, something about his wife perving at the boss for so long, and that her vagina tingles at the thought of him, and that is why she has to resign... or risk raping him in a haze of mad lust" - to a friend complaining about being asked by a colleague to help his wife write a resignation letter
"Well they certainly have better manners not to moan like you're having a dozen men cum on your face in Baskin' Robbins" - on Malaysian gay men being compared with their Singaporean counterparts.
"Sunday? Either this is a delayed message or you've just lost a day due to alien abduction" - to Laynie after mistaking Monday for a Sunday
"The fear of my mom doing the guilt trip thing on me? Oh yeah. I'd rather have it permanently tattooed in a few brain cells than to forget" - on forgetting my mother's birthday
"Well they certainly have better manners not to moan like you're having a dozen men cum on your face in Baskin' Robbins" - on Malaysian gay men being compared with their Singaporean counterparts.
"Sunday? Either this is a delayed message or you've just lost a day due to alien abduction" - to Laynie after mistaking Monday for a Sunday
"The fear of my mom doing the guilt trip thing on me? Oh yeah. I'd rather have it permanently tattooed in a few brain cells than to forget" - on forgetting my mother's birthday
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Interview Allergies
A word of advice for anybody who is current job-hunting like me. Do not stack your interviews. Ideal would be just two per day, and even that might be pushing the limit.
Why?
Because if you're like me, you could develop a rash and have this irresistible urge to commit violent acts against your interviewers.
Art Director: Oh so you could do illustrations as well?
Me: Yes.
Art Director: And you wasted three years concentrating on web alone?
Me: ?
Art Director: It's a shame, all that you've learned in university and you only concentrated on web for the past 3 years.
Me: ...
Art Director: Well, in my opinion if you're coming into advertising you will have to go down on your salary price.
I swear if he looked up at me at that very moment he would have probably thought I resembled Jean Grey with her black and putrid PMS expression just right before she obliterated Professor X in X-Men: The Last Stand. Then he would probably end life as a pile of cinders. Did I also mention his boss exposed him as a gutless geek who chickens out of presentations? Well that's my interpretation of what she meant anyway.
After a 12 months delay in her cycle, Jean's period returned with a vengeance
Why?
Because if you're like me, you could develop a rash and have this irresistible urge to commit violent acts against your interviewers.
Art Director: Oh so you could do illustrations as well?
Me: Yes.
Art Director: And you wasted three years concentrating on web alone?
Me: ?
Art Director: It's a shame, all that you've learned in university and you only concentrated on web for the past 3 years.
Me: ...
Art Director: Well, in my opinion if you're coming into advertising you will have to go down on your salary price.
I swear if he looked up at me at that very moment he would have probably thought I resembled Jean Grey with her black and putrid PMS expression just right before she obliterated Professor X in X-Men: The Last Stand. Then he would probably end life as a pile of cinders. Did I also mention his boss exposed him as a gutless geek who chickens out of presentations? Well that's my interpretation of what she meant anyway.
After a 12 months delay in her cycle, Jean's period returned with a vengeance
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Tempus Fugit
The deed is done. I am on a month's notice. I thought I would feel a sense of relief, but all I feel is a sense of loss and perhaps a slight urgency because if I don't get myself re-employed soon within that time I would be in trouble. I wish my parents would be at least be a bit supportive of my decision but all my mom did as usual was raising panic over the obvious.
Friends offer their empathy, not that I don't appreciate it, but I think I need solutions more now than kind words. Gym classes would be a great backup in this time of need, just pray that I don't get sick or injured. No classes mean no salary.
Friends offer their empathy, not that I don't appreciate it, but I think I need solutions more now than kind words. Gym classes would be a great backup in this time of need, just pray that I don't get sick or injured. No classes mean no salary.
Sunday, May 28, 2006
That's Just The Way It Is
In less than three days I will throw in my resignation. This time I have put my resolution in steel and I am timing it to coincide with the start of June. Though I haven't found another job elsewhere, it's just the risk I have to take. All my life I organised my life on playing safe and as many of my friends know, I hate being uprooted, but I guess in life there are no 100% guarantees.
It's an irony how I always tell my friends that if one isn't happy with their job they should move on and I couldn't bring in the same philosophy to save myself. It's double the irony that I have always supported the people in my life when they are at such crossroads but when my turn came, I found myself more alone than ever. I am not blaming anyone really - that's just the way it is.
It's an irony how I always tell my friends that if one isn't happy with their job they should move on and I couldn't bring in the same philosophy to save myself. It's double the irony that I have always supported the people in my life when they are at such crossroads but when my turn came, I found myself more alone than ever. I am not blaming anyone really - that's just the way it is.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
When I Was Young...
1. I used to think that different countries were located on different planets which we traverse in spaceships.
2. I was terrified of the dark and deathly afraid of what lurks underneath my bed at night.
3. I thought people get pregnant automatically after marriage.
4. Mannequins and huge religious statues freak me out because I thought they would move.
5. There was nudity on national television.
6. I thought when people get together naked on the bed they just kiss and cuddle.
7. I didn't bother looking for toilets to relieve my bladder so any drain will do. Though I will have to say aloud, "Excuse me, I'm peeing" to avoid pissing on the local "Datuk".
8. I couldn't watch horror movies without covering my eyes and sneaking peeks between my fingers to ensure the scary scenes were over.
9. Any stray animal was a friend. Well actually I still think they are.
10. A dark banana grove nearby my home (which has since been bulldozed for new houses) was a terrifying place.
11. I was disgusted at snails and slugs, all of which I would kill by sprinkling salt on them. My nanny encouraged the practice.
12. I would have no qualms about crawling into claustrophobic covered drains to rescue the occasional foolish chicken.
13. I rescued every stray kitten I found because I thought the mothers abandoned them.
14. Cockcroaches were my sworn enemies because one crawled up my leg and I could feel the horrible hooks on their legs.
15. For some reason I found my late grandfather's foot annoying, of which he would on purpose push in my direction.
16. I could pass off as a girl, even when I am not in girls' clothing (ahem).
17. We had a neighbourhood fireworks and firecrackers war every Chinese New Year. One landed in front of me once and exploded, showering me with drain water and my ears were ringing for weeks after that.
18. I thought I was in love with my nanny's niece. We even had a "couple photo".
19. I was a kleptomaniac in kindergarten but would discard my booty later because of conscience pangs.
20. I believed in the 18 layers of Taoist Hell.
2. I was terrified of the dark and deathly afraid of what lurks underneath my bed at night.
3. I thought people get pregnant automatically after marriage.
4. Mannequins and huge religious statues freak me out because I thought they would move.
5. There was nudity on national television.
6. I thought when people get together naked on the bed they just kiss and cuddle.
7. I didn't bother looking for toilets to relieve my bladder so any drain will do. Though I will have to say aloud, "Excuse me, I'm peeing" to avoid pissing on the local "Datuk".
8. I couldn't watch horror movies without covering my eyes and sneaking peeks between my fingers to ensure the scary scenes were over.
9. Any stray animal was a friend. Well actually I still think they are.
10. A dark banana grove nearby my home (which has since been bulldozed for new houses) was a terrifying place.
11. I was disgusted at snails and slugs, all of which I would kill by sprinkling salt on them. My nanny encouraged the practice.
12. I would have no qualms about crawling into claustrophobic covered drains to rescue the occasional foolish chicken.
13. I rescued every stray kitten I found because I thought the mothers abandoned them.
14. Cockcroaches were my sworn enemies because one crawled up my leg and I could feel the horrible hooks on their legs.
15. For some reason I found my late grandfather's foot annoying, of which he would on purpose push in my direction.
16. I could pass off as a girl, even when I am not in girls' clothing (ahem).
17. We had a neighbourhood fireworks and firecrackers war every Chinese New Year. One landed in front of me once and exploded, showering me with drain water and my ears were ringing for weeks after that.
18. I thought I was in love with my nanny's niece. We even had a "couple photo".
19. I was a kleptomaniac in kindergarten but would discard my booty later because of conscience pangs.
20. I believed in the 18 layers of Taoist Hell.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Blondies
This MSN Messenger conversation was in reference to this entry.
me: your boyfriend f*cks guys??
whiterabbit: you wish
me: only if your boyfriend looks like Rain (the Korean popstar)
whiterabbit: lolololol
whiterabbit: Rain is so hot
whiterabbit: ironic as that sounds
me: why ironic?
whiterabbit: Rain?
whiterabbit: hot?
me: oh darling that was so lame
me: and here I was thinking of something more complicated like thinking Rain was hot was too bimbonic for the likes of you
whiterabbit: oh, didn't you know?
whiterabbit: I've changed
me: yes, gone was the angst dyke
me: now long hair ger ger (girl girl) liao
whiterabbit: eeyerrrr
whiterabbit: you make it sound so disgusting
me: long hair ger ger who gigger gigger (giggle giggle) over Rain
me: and goes "omg like he is sooooooo hawt"
whiterabbit: EWWWWW
me: yes now we're sisters both you and I
me: we will have slumber parties every weekend and gigger gigger over Rain and other hotties and have pink pillow fights
whiterabbit: get away from me you freak
me: this is so going into my blog
me: your boyfriend f*cks guys??
whiterabbit: you wish
me: only if your boyfriend looks like Rain (the Korean popstar)
whiterabbit: lolololol
whiterabbit: Rain is so hot
whiterabbit: ironic as that sounds
me: why ironic?
whiterabbit: Rain?
whiterabbit: hot?
me: oh darling that was so lame
me: and here I was thinking of something more complicated like thinking Rain was hot was too bimbonic for the likes of you
whiterabbit: oh, didn't you know?
whiterabbit: I've changed
me: yes, gone was the angst dyke
me: now long hair ger ger (girl girl) liao
whiterabbit: eeyerrrr
whiterabbit: you make it sound so disgusting
me: long hair ger ger who gigger gigger (giggle giggle) over Rain
me: and goes "omg like he is sooooooo hawt"
whiterabbit: EWWWWW
me: yes now we're sisters both you and I
me: we will have slumber parties every weekend and gigger gigger over Rain and other hotties and have pink pillow fights
whiterabbit: get away from me you freak
me: this is so going into my blog
Friday, April 07, 2006
Precious Little Angel
I normally don't talk about my the work I do in gym, partly because I feel it's nothing much to shout about and partly because I don't think I am an extraordinary instructor anyway. Though I enjoy instructing (fine, I will admit it gives me an ego boost), I don't think I am the kind who garners a following, so when I do get a few regulars who show up at my class everytime I teach it is always a pleasure.
For some weeks though, one particular regular failed to show up and last Thursday she finally made an appearance. After the class, just out of formality I asked her about her absence.
"Oh... my daughter has brain tumour"
For a moment I couldn't quite believe what my ears made out.
"I beg your pardon?" I replied.
"My daughter has brain tumour, so I had to stay over at the hospital"
"Oh dear!" I checked myself, I didn't know if such an exclamation was rude.
Thank goodness she didn't. She further explained to me the ordeal her 11 year old daughter had been going through since eight. Apparently the tumour wasn't the spreading kind, but it just keeps growing and at the moment the doctors couldn't find any permanent solution other than 'trimming' the tumour every now. Chemotherapy wasn't exactly working so now they are recommending radiotherapy. She claimed after three years she was kind of used to it.
I looked at her face and I wasn't quite certain if she was trying to convince herself or me. I felt sorry for her and her daughter for having to suffer unnecessarily at such a young age. Corny as it may for me to say this, makes you wonder if we're taking for granted for being able to live relatively healthy lives. I never had to go through the anxiety of having a family member living with a life threatening disease and hopefully never have to. But yet here was this mother, who attends my class almost every week, perhaps just for a moment to escape from the fear.
As she thanked me before she left, I offered my wishes that her daughter get well soon and that she also remember to take care of herself. Perhaps I have little faith in God, but in a silent prayer I genuinely hoped for her daughter's speedy recovery.
For some weeks though, one particular regular failed to show up and last Thursday she finally made an appearance. After the class, just out of formality I asked her about her absence.
"Oh... my daughter has brain tumour"
For a moment I couldn't quite believe what my ears made out.
"I beg your pardon?" I replied.
"My daughter has brain tumour, so I had to stay over at the hospital"
"Oh dear!" I checked myself, I didn't know if such an exclamation was rude.
Thank goodness she didn't. She further explained to me the ordeal her 11 year old daughter had been going through since eight. Apparently the tumour wasn't the spreading kind, but it just keeps growing and at the moment the doctors couldn't find any permanent solution other than 'trimming' the tumour every now. Chemotherapy wasn't exactly working so now they are recommending radiotherapy. She claimed after three years she was kind of used to it.
I looked at her face and I wasn't quite certain if she was trying to convince herself or me. I felt sorry for her and her daughter for having to suffer unnecessarily at such a young age. Corny as it may for me to say this, makes you wonder if we're taking for granted for being able to live relatively healthy lives. I never had to go through the anxiety of having a family member living with a life threatening disease and hopefully never have to. But yet here was this mother, who attends my class almost every week, perhaps just for a moment to escape from the fear.
As she thanked me before she left, I offered my wishes that her daughter get well soon and that she also remember to take care of herself. Perhaps I have little faith in God, but in a silent prayer I genuinely hoped for her daughter's speedy recovery.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Lament of the Pseudo Breeder
Look at me.
Do I look straight?
I was told I do.
No I am not flattering myself. I had been approached once in Liquid and was asked if I was really gay. Well unless I was a clueless jock who thinks gay club means lesbian action or I was actually a lass with a really tight bra, I find that question quite redundant. And yes, once upon a time I did go to Liquid, twice a week and the podium was my former throne.
That aside, looking straight is not exactly a good thing. Quite possibly someone might be fantasizing about doing naughty things to the supposedly straight guy they have been observing for months but that is just akin to mental masturbation. You're getting the kicks and I am getting blue balls. Perhaps passing off as a heterosexual breeder might be every flamboyant queen's secret wish, but trust me, it's a lonely road I walk. The only time someone ever made a pass at me at a gay joint was a weird guy who wanted to kiss me on my forehead. What do I look like? Frodo Baggins? I know my legs are hairy but I assure you my feet are quite follicle free.
Things are not looking so bright either in the gym. Bad enough no gay men dares to venture into the class I teach, the ladies are clueless about my sexuality too. One made one of those titter titter remarks to me that most of the male instructors are gay without realising she was actually talking to one. Another time a bunch of bawdy male pot-bellied breeders made loud comments after overhearing a couple of gay guys flirting with each other. Right after the two walked off to exchange numbers this was what I heard.
"Why ar these gay flers... got nice pussy and soft breasts don't want, wanna play backside... ha ha ha!"
Hello? And I was barely a meter from them. Christ... what do I need to do? Wear a feather boa to gym?
Do I look straight?
I was told I do.
No I am not flattering myself. I had been approached once in Liquid and was asked if I was really gay. Well unless I was a clueless jock who thinks gay club means lesbian action or I was actually a lass with a really tight bra, I find that question quite redundant. And yes, once upon a time I did go to Liquid, twice a week and the podium was my former throne.
That aside, looking straight is not exactly a good thing. Quite possibly someone might be fantasizing about doing naughty things to the supposedly straight guy they have been observing for months but that is just akin to mental masturbation. You're getting the kicks and I am getting blue balls. Perhaps passing off as a heterosexual breeder might be every flamboyant queen's secret wish, but trust me, it's a lonely road I walk. The only time someone ever made a pass at me at a gay joint was a weird guy who wanted to kiss me on my forehead. What do I look like? Frodo Baggins? I know my legs are hairy but I assure you my feet are quite follicle free.
Things are not looking so bright either in the gym. Bad enough no gay men dares to venture into the class I teach, the ladies are clueless about my sexuality too. One made one of those titter titter remarks to me that most of the male instructors are gay without realising she was actually talking to one. Another time a bunch of bawdy male pot-bellied breeders made loud comments after overhearing a couple of gay guys flirting with each other. Right after the two walked off to exchange numbers this was what I heard.
"Why ar these gay flers... got nice pussy and soft breasts don't want, wanna play backside... ha ha ha!"
Hello? And I was barely a meter from them. Christ... what do I need to do? Wear a feather boa to gym?
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Most Touching Or Haunting Movie/TV Themes
Just a list I am making up about some movie and tv themes that I felt are really touching or haunting as well as capturing the moment, and here it is in no particular order:
1. Yours Forever by John Mellencamp (from The Perfect Storm)
2. Angel by Sarah McLachlan (from City of Angels)
3. Da An (The Answer) by Coco Lee (from Bishonen)
4. Leaving On A Jet Plane by Chantal Kreviazuk (from Armageddon)
5. My Funny Friend And Me by Sting (from The Emperor's New Groove)
6. The Distance by Evan & Jaron (from Serendipity)
7. The Steward Of Gondor by Billy Boyd (from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
8. When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan (from Toy Story 2)
9. Never Saw Blue Like That by Shawn Colvin (from Runaway Bride)
10. Waiting In Vain by Annie Lennox (from Serendipity)
11. Uninvited by Alanis Morissette (from City of Angels)
12. When You Know by Shawn Colvin (from Serendipity)
13. Into The West by Annie Lennox (from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
14. Too Lost In You by Sugababes (from Love Actually)
15. Book Of Days by Enya (from Calmi Cuori Appassionati)
16. If I Apologised by Josefine Cronholm (from Mirrormask)
17. You Will Be My Ain True Love by Alison Krauss & Sting (from Cold Mountain)
18. The Scarlet Tide by Alison Krauss (from Cold Mountain)
19. Almost Unreal by Roxette (from Super Mario Brothers)
20. Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion (from Up Close and Personal)
21. Separate Lives by Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin (from White Nights)
22. Beauty & The Beast by Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson (from Beauty & The Beast)
23. If I Never Knew You by Jon Secada & Shanice (from Pocahontas)
24. Once Upon A December by Deana Carter (from Anastasia)
25. Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler (from Beaches)
26. Streets Of Philadelphia by Bruce Springsteen (from Philadelphia)
27. Iris by Goo Goo Dolls (from City of Angels)
28. Don't Let Go by Bryan Adams & Sarah McLachlan (from Spirit: Stallion of Cimarron)
29. Besame Mucho by Cesaria Evora (from Great Expectations)
1. Yours Forever by John Mellencamp (from The Perfect Storm)
2. Angel by Sarah McLachlan (from City of Angels)
3. Da An (The Answer) by Coco Lee (from Bishonen)
4. Leaving On A Jet Plane by Chantal Kreviazuk (from Armageddon)
5. My Funny Friend And Me by Sting (from The Emperor's New Groove)
6. The Distance by Evan & Jaron (from Serendipity)
7. The Steward Of Gondor by Billy Boyd (from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
8. When She Loved Me by Sarah McLachlan (from Toy Story 2)
9. Never Saw Blue Like That by Shawn Colvin (from Runaway Bride)
10. Waiting In Vain by Annie Lennox (from Serendipity)
11. Uninvited by Alanis Morissette (from City of Angels)
12. When You Know by Shawn Colvin (from Serendipity)
13. Into The West by Annie Lennox (from Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King)
14. Too Lost In You by Sugababes (from Love Actually)
15. Book Of Days by Enya (from Calmi Cuori Appassionati)
16. If I Apologised by Josefine Cronholm (from Mirrormask)
17. You Will Be My Ain True Love by Alison Krauss & Sting (from Cold Mountain)
18. The Scarlet Tide by Alison Krauss (from Cold Mountain)
19. Almost Unreal by Roxette (from Super Mario Brothers)
20. Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion (from Up Close and Personal)
21. Separate Lives by Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin (from White Nights)
22. Beauty & The Beast by Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson (from Beauty & The Beast)
23. If I Never Knew You by Jon Secada & Shanice (from Pocahontas)
24. Once Upon A December by Deana Carter (from Anastasia)
25. Wind Beneath My Wings by Bette Midler (from Beaches)
26. Streets Of Philadelphia by Bruce Springsteen (from Philadelphia)
27. Iris by Goo Goo Dolls (from City of Angels)
28. Don't Let Go by Bryan Adams & Sarah McLachlan (from Spirit: Stallion of Cimarron)
29. Besame Mucho by Cesaria Evora (from Great Expectations)
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Jurassic Bark
I have blogged about this particular episode of Futurama before in Livejournal, though I am too lazy to locate that entry. It has to be one of the most touching episodes of Futurama. Considering that Futurama is a no-brainer cartoon, this is truly unusual. You can see it now for yourself and be your own judge. I think it's a story that most dog lovers would be able to relate to. The last scene is totally heartbreaking.
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