Endless Nights

Slow Death

2010-12-06T01:01:00.000-08:00

I can tell myself a million times that everything will be alright but how does one believe in his own lies? I am not alright. I am not free. I am in a prison that I can never be released from and I am slowly dying. I can't deal with this alone but there is nobody I can turn to. Time... time is no longer my friend.

God? Are you still there? Why can't I feel you anymore?

No

2010-10-26T23:40:00.001-07:00

I opened my eyes and I was before Him - the Supreme Being, the One who was said to have one voice but many faces. The All Creator for whom millions have lived and died for out of sheer faith alone. I was finally before Him. The light emanating from Him was blinding but yet it did not hurt, while a host of heavenly beings suspended around Him, all seeming as if they were an extension of his being. It was like as if all the warmth of the world had become tangible and you know you will never want to be away from this ever again.

I was not the only mortal before Him. Standing in a line to my left were four others, a leader of men, a woman who had dedicated her virginity and life to religion, a pauper whose life had known all the sufferings of the world and a child, with innocence unblemished.

The Great being spoke, or seemingly spoke for his mouth did no move, "You are gathered before me for the day of judgment has come. You are chosen among humanity to judge your peers. The fate of all humanity now rests in your answers to my question. Bear in mind that your verdict must be unanimous. Should one of you oppose, then I shall deem all humanity flawed and unworthy of existence. Thus, here is my question: Does humankind deserve salvation?"

The great leader of men spoke first for it came natural to him to take charge, his answer delivered with such eloquence which made you believe that he was born to present these words, "My Lord, my answer is yes. For all the failures and wars that humanity has waged over the years, I have seen men capable of great deeds worthy of great promise."

The devoted woman spoke next, her voice trembling from the devotion and worship to the one thing that was the sole purpose of her life, "Oh Great Holy Father, my answer is yes - for I refuse to believe that we, your children are flawed when it is you who created us and gave us life."

The pauper, the one who knew nothing but hardship all his existence spoke at his turn, "I have known nothing but the ills and pain of life, but yet I have seen also seen the kindness of some people move mountains. I mean... surely that means something? My answer is yes... definitely yes..."

Then came the child's turn to speak, her voice timid before the vision in front of her, "Yes... I think I would like a chance to grow up, to live my dreams and have my own children some day so I could teach them all the things I have learned..."

And finally it was my turn - the commoner who probably represented every faceless men and women who had ever existed or yet to come. All faces turn to look at me. My peers all smiled with expectant looks on their faces. I couldn't help but smiled back. Then I turned to the Being whom I had half-believed throughout my entire life and I smiled at Him.

"No."

The Moment

2010-08-01T07:33:00.000-07:00

Today I cried. I cried for a moment lost in time. It was a moment where I felt love, peace and hope for the future. The three things which rarely comes in my life and now forever denied to me.

If I could choose a moment to live for an eternity, it would have been that moment. The sun on my skin, the sand at my feet, the soothing music in my ears while we drank beer by the sea.

That precious moment. Forever lost.

Now as my days grow darker, the memory of that moment in time will both warm me and haunt me. Will I have that moment again at the end of this painful journey?

Café del Mar, Sentosa Island, Singapore - 19 July 2009

Storm

2010-06-28T23:45:00.000-07:00

We were all beings who represented as aspect of existence. Our very being governs the weave of reality itself. Each of us has a counterpart, who were the opposite of the other. And that was the way it was. But for the billions of years since our existence we have become unchanging and that itself is becoming a danger. The eldest summons a conclave in the Glass Tower that lies above all reality and we come. In our high pinnacle, we oversee all.

So it was decided to change the balance, one of us must be sacrificed and sent into Reality to become mortal. To do so however will damage the fabric of existence. The eldest decided that the least significant of us will have to cross the barrier of the Halfway Realm to Reality. Functionless was the chosen one to fulfill the task. But she was fearful of the decision and refuses to comply for none of our kind has taken the journey across the Halfway Realm. To allay her fears, I volunteered to accompany her.

So we crossed the doorway, from the realm beyond existence into the Halfway Realm, which was a narrow claustrophobic corridor that connects both worlds. Once she has crossed into Reality, I must remain behind in the Halfway Realm and watch over her from behind the transparent doorway of which mortals cannot see but those of our kind are aware. I cannot cross the barrier for to do so will destroy space and time. So there I remained for 28 days while Functionless became mortal, all the while being able to see me waiting behind the doorway that no mortals can discern. Once she was fully mortal, she comes back to the doorway and begs me to stay with her. She begs and pleads, and finally she forcefully pulls me into Reality.

Immediately upon setting foot into Reality I became aware of its unraveling. The lack of my aspect in the weave has upset the balance. And to my horror, there beyond the horizon of the city, a terrible storm emerged like apocalyptic beast swallowing all in its path. Red lightning flashed in its all engulfing dark clouds. The very air crackled and smelled of electricity. Buildings crumbled before the lashing lightning and vanished in the darkness.

Pushing her away I dashed back into the Halfway Realm and stumbled back into the Glass Tower, just moments away before the Reality Storm engulfs the tower. My peers stare in horror at the vanishing horizon. With all my strength I reasserted myself back into the weave of Reality, bearing the brunt of the storm. The dark clouds recoiled almost immediately, as if struck by an invisible force. But not before several bolts of red hot lightning seared the tower, shaking it to the very foundations. The air was charged. And almost immediately, the storm disappears, thunder rumbling in its wake. My peers mumbled in silent wonder and terror of the vanishing storm as I felt the breath sucked out of me and I collapsed on my knees...

- excerpt

In Memoriam

2009-09-14T19:10:00.000-07:00

Patrick Wayne Swayze
(1952 - 2009)

In Memoriam

2009-07-31T19:49:00.001-07:00

Maria Corazon Cojuangco Aquino
1933 - 2009

In Memoriam

2009-07-25T11:18:00.001-07:00

Yasmin Ahmad
1958 - 2009

In Memoriam

2009-06-25T17:34:00.000-07:00

Farrah Fawcett
1947 - 2009

In Memoriam

2009-06-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson
1958 - 2009

Profile Headline FAIL

2009-06-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

Just some really FAIL headlines I found while trolling profile sites in boredom:

"i want to search any people that i can have fun with them.. " - well you can't discredit him for being not picky.

"Just me n me only..looking for below my age n ready for ltr not for fun..say no to sissy n chub also indians" - Racist! And uh... disciminator!

"Men with a great structure of body! Hot Sexy - MALAY ONLY " - Yeah everybody loves a great uh... erection.

"DONT TRUST ANY PEOPLE ESPECIALLY UR BF AND UR BEST FRIENDS..THEY WILL TREAT U BADLY ONE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! " - you can taste his bitterness all the way from here.

"Don't call me anything fussy because I'm a Headliner. " - trying to be witty FAIL.

"Hi, lets have fun" - direct WIN!

"HoNeSt-----The MoSt ImPortANt One.... TrUsT...sHouLd Be ALonG wIth RelAtIoNsHiP " - ThErE iS sOmEtHiNg aBoUt hIs RoLlEr CoAsTeR lEtTerIng tHat JuSt PuTs Me OfF.

"I'm mixed. Please don't ask about my new photos...I won't give it anyway... I already give my dick photos for you guys to see..." - an emotional plea.

"very open minded n don't like to be push in any situation... people will love me in the way i am... ... " - Loser WIN. Confidence FAIL.

"looking for fun and all that goes with it " - you know this guy absolutely knows a good bargain.

In Memoriam

2009-06-10T11:12:00.000-07:00

Shek Kin
1913 - 2009

In Memoriam

2009-06-05T00:53:00.000-07:00

David Carradine
1936 - 2009

In Memoriam

2009-06-05T00:48:00.001-07:00

Millvina Dean
1912 - 2009

In Memoriam

2009-04-28T23:02:00.001-07:00

Beatrice "Bea" Arthur
1922 - 2009

Of Pets

2009-04-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

I like having pets. I have had dogs since I was five - well up till I moved to the city anyway. After that there was a pet-less six years due to the fact I had no fixed lodgings, followed by the fact that I live alone and I hardly spend any time at home. Of course in those years, I had housemates who had pets, a rather old shaggy orange hamster whom I nicknamed Hamtaro (whom I ended up taking care of in my housemate's absence) and a tank of fish (that also ended up my responsibility in her absence).

When I did eventually have my own place I always wanted a dog but it didn't seem like a good idea to leave a dog alone in the house for 12 hours a day. I could imagine coming home to happy tail wagging in a background of chaos and "landmines". Eventually I did get a fish in a bowl but there didn't seem much amusement in that aside from the fact that they don't usually don't live long.

And then I considered getting a cat - but the fact their poop are probably the most hazardous things next to anthrax did not appeal to me. And cat hairs are likely to give me fits. My mom also does not like cats - she's fine with them, as long as they don't live with her. I also did not appreciate that cats often appear nonchalant towards their owners. One queen in the house was quite enough. Last week, I did the unthinkable. I did not do it on an impulse because I thought about it for at least two months. It is undeniable though that I was reckless with my considerations. Maybe I just wanted to be less analytical for once and take a risk. So now here I am saddled down by a pair of rabbits.

Buyer's remorse, I definitely have it. Mostly from the fact that they poop and pee with such frequency that I have to clear out the hutch at least twice a day. Other than that, I find them a source of amusement. For one thing, they seem to know where to do their business: at the litter tray. Their curious nature seem to test my patience and tickle me at the same time. I almost ended up squashing one of them yesterday when I decided to lie down on the floor last night to watch TV. The rascal decided it was worth investigating when it saw me sit down on the floor. Not to mention during their hours out of the hutch, I can't take my eyes off them. Wires and carpets seem fair game to them when it comes to chewing. Every few minutes I have to check underneath the sofa to make sure they are not up to mischief. And why didn't anyone mention that rabbits have horrible sharp claws? My mom is going to have a field day the next time she comes over.

Frustration

2009-04-14T20:03:00.001-07:00

This is an entry to alleviate Six's concern that my blog is dying, on top of the fact that I posted memoriams for two dead people twice in a row. What's wrong with honoring a geek who played a demon and a geek who is almost a demi-god to other geeks? In any case, Six, you will be happy to know that KFC is venturing into GRILLED chicken. A lot more healthier I must agree, but KGC just doesn't really have a nice ring to it - it sounds more like some secret terrorist organisation or some governmental department. Who can tell the difference nowadays.

So in case anyone out there is wondering why I often have a dearth and spurt period in producing blog entries, it is usually due to work. If I feel unhappy at work, entries come in less. Don't ask me why. The health of my writings is susceptible to my attitude and mood towards work. And at this moment, I am dying to get out but the current state of the world economy is holding me back from taking the risk. Low pay is better than no pay. I find it quite distressing how my creativity has been hitting a slump for the past 5 years. For any designer, that might as well be a death knell. And I don't know if it is just me or the state of the creative industry in Malaysia. For example, I have no real free reign over things I design. I might as well just ask my seniors and managers to dictate and I just vomit out the result, because in the end, none of the ideas are really mine. It doesn't help that my senior colleague speaks to me in a tone that I find demeaning. One might think I am not open to criticism, but I think there's a big difference in constructive criticism and plain insult. I hope this answers concerns as to why my Facebook status often expresses my urge for mayhem and violence towards my peers.

I don't think a holiday is going to help much either. I tend to come back feeling depressed and worse that it had to end and I am back to the vicious cycle. What I need is a job that I am interested in that doesn't make me feel like I am in a virtual prison for 8 hours a day. Right now, I feel like a trapped, stifled animal and I believe I am venting out my frustrations in unhealthy outlets. I NEED to GET OUT.

In Memoriam

2009-04-09T19:36:00.000-07:00

Dave Arneson
1947-2009

In Memoriam

2009-04-02T01:30:00.000-07:00

Andy Hallett
1975 - 2009

Silent Hill: Homecoming

2009-03-31T09:29:00.000-07:00

Contrary to what this image may imply, grabbing the enemy's boob is not going to help you defeat them.

I had followed the Silent Hill series since it was first released, well I don't know, back in my high school days? It freaked the crap out of me and I loved it. None of those Resident Evil cheap scare and gore tactics for me please. Silent Hill was the type of game that will leave you spooked enough to want to keep your bedroom door locked at night long after you played the game. When Silent Hill 4: The Room came out after a long wait, I was much elated to finally be able to play the game. Then I was much disappointed at the rather no-brainer plot and drastic control changes which seem to be only loosely connected to Silent Hill. So I was thinking, after all the wrong they done to the series in SH4, they would at least have bothered to redeem themselves in the next installment, Silent Hill: Homecoming (SH5). WRONG! Nevermind they'd only released Silent Hill: 0rigins for PSP, which left me much pissed, but SH5 turned out to be quite an angry disappointment.

OK maybe I have no right to complain since I resorted to downloading the PC version which took me hours to troubleshoot and then eventually, me buying the pirated version which also had the same bugs as the downloaded version. So again, nevermind. Bottomline was I managed to get the game to work: clever me. Firstly, I was much pleased that the graphic have obviously went through a major improvement since the last installment. But that's where the good things end, no thanks to Konami switching over production from Team Silent to Foundation 9 Entertainment and Double Helix in the US. Leave it to the Americans to spoil the game. For some reason they seem to think more monsters mean better gameplay. When will they ever learn that they should leave horror to the Japanese? There are so many monsters swarming every setting, that their mis-happened nightmarish appearances ceases to scare you but become annoying obstacles. And as if that wasn't enough, they seem to possess some kind of fatality move that if you don't mash your mouse fast enough(which is usually the case considering how difficult it is to maneuver with a mouse and keyboard), leaves you dead without being able to even put up a fight. And believe me, dying 5 times in a row on the same setting just leaves you exasperated rather than wishing to continue. Considering I have always loved the way the series allows you to explore and figure out creative ways to get around, the throngs of monsters swarming you like bitches in heat just makes that impossible.

And that's not all I want to rant about. I mean, what kind of dumb plot is it anyway that SH5 has? It's like they couldn't decide to go with an independent psychological horror which is what SH2 was or that they should stick with the often vague cultish connections first introduced in SH1. In the end, they ended up with yet another SH4-like storyline with thin plots, loosely tied with Silent Hill. If it is not because I procured the game through, ahem, "unofficial" means, I would be throwing up a ruckus in demanding my money back for this poor excuse of a continuance in the Silent Hill franchise. If Konami has any intention in keeping the series alive, they would have the next installment done by Team Silent again. Americans... MEH!

In Memoriam

2009-03-18T19:29:00.001-07:00

Natasha Richardson
1963 - 2009

Don't Blame The Video Games

2009-03-15T18:27:00.000-07:00

If anyone has been reading the New Straits Times today, you will be coming across the headlines "Are you doing this to your child?" with an cheapskate clip-art silhouette of a child and hastily montaged images of "violent video games" forming the child's brain. What is being implied of course is that video games are the source of violence and aggression in today's young. Hell, they are not really implying, but making outright claims that this is INDEED so.

I used to be an avid fan of video games, especially in my teenage years and early adulthood. I have many fond memories of running all-nighters to finish Diablo I and Dungeon Keeper. So I find these accusations that video games are the main cause of violent behaviour in the young ridiculous, even if there are scientific studies to prove that it might be so. I have randomly shot, bludgeoned and blown up things in games like Quake, Blood, Silent Hill and Resident Evil, but I think I grew up fine, if you discount the fact I am gay. Call it disturbing, but I laughed till I was in stitches while playing one of Quake III's free for all "fragging" modes online. My user handle: Sister Mary Jones. But no, I have never acted out any violent behaviours despite my penchant for violent video games.

Sure, granted, the random thought of wanting to decapitate some offending moron does come occasionally to my head but I think the more important thing here is the ability to make choices. And that, most of society would agree is what puts us above other living creatures. What impairs one's ability to make a simple choice of not acting like the jackass in the Virgina Tech shootings is plain ignorance. Maybe in his case, it was just evolution running its course in rooting out dead ends, unfortunate as it is for the rest who ended up as collateral damage. And I don't think those retards who sexually assault their own children and sisters got their inspiration from video games either.

So please, the next time your child acts like a loser, don't blame it on the video games. Start asking yourself whether you are bringing up your kid the right way instead. It's not the fault of the video games for doing the parenting instead of YOU.

Quote Me

2009-03-12T08:48:00.000-07:00

"So you were just methodically going through it like a clockwork? Insert coin for f*ck?" - on non-exciting sex.

"You DO NOT pick up stuff from the floor and put it in your mouth no matter how much time have transpired. I repeat: YOU DO NOT. EVER. Unless it’s a very expensive pill." - on retrieving food that has fallen to the floor.

"It's Chinese New Year in 3 weeks, my birthday in 2 - I want to look good enough to f*ck myself by then" - obsessing with the physical appearance.

"I love Stephanie Meyer's Twilight, it helps with my bowel movements." - on Stephenie Meyer's gruesome piece.

"Get a room. And your boyfriend is gay." - to a couple publicly displaying their affection on Valentine's Day.

"I am not sending your Siti (Nurhaliza cd) through normal post - it might get lost, which is not altogether a bad thing." - on how much I care about that 'gadis menyampah dari kampung'.

"Exes are best served in a coffin with a stake through the heart." - on exes.

"Oh that's not too hard if you like oysters..." - on oral sex with a female.

Dream Log

2009-03-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

*Missing memory*

I was in someone's house. It looked familiar because it looked somewhat like my house but I knew it wasn't mine but I somehow knew it belonged to a friend of mine. My friend's mom and another friend was cleaning a room, and I knew there were drugs in it. Somehow I just couldn't be bothered and I just lay there on the couch reading.

*Missing memory*

Somehow, friend's mom had not come across the drugs, because the other friend had hidden it. The other friend whom moments ago I could not identify now seem to have a face of an old schoomate. We were at the seaside, with the water up to our waists. He just began getting rid of the drugs which turned out to be cocaine by dumping it into the sea.

"How did you manage to evade the mom?" I asked.

"Just kept it out of her sight." he replied.

"Seems like such a waste to be getting rid of it like this..." I said impassively as I dumped a whole packet of the stuff into the sea.

*Missing memory*

We were at this strange pool by the sea. Someone appeared to be drowning in it. We could see him struggling underneath. Schoolmate jumps in and pulls him out after much difficulty. Drowning guy denied he was drowning and claims he was a diving instructor. Schoolmate and I leave, with me feeling much disgusted that he didn't even appear thankful. Schoolmate is sympathetic and decides we should go KFC so we did. Except KFC did not look like any regular KFC. It had a lot of funny stuff there which doesn't appear on the real world menu though I can no longer recall what it was. I just recalled I wanted the ordinary snack plate but the queue was long.

*Missing memory*

I was back at friend's place, where the drugs were. Friend turns out to be Laynie. I was lazing on the bed telling her how thankful she should be that we manage to hide the smack from her mom but she just laughs and made dismissive gestures.

Fragments I

2009-03-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

It's one of those days, when I want to blog but yet I can't bring myself to do it because my head is full of disjointed and incoherent thoughts. I can't focus on one topic and elaborate on it. Then I thought, who the hell cares because it's MY blog, so screw coherency. In the words of a former blog I used to visit almost religiously - but enough about you. ME. ME. ME. ME. Oh look, still me. Damn it, if you're reading this, please start blogging again.

Ants

Ants share a common ancestor with wasps and bees. They are the ultimate feminist's dream. A whole colony of females where males only function as a necessity to procreate. They are rather industrious and hardy little creatures, toiling day and night. All in the name of their queen. And they are everywhere in my home - my bathroom, my kitchen, my desk, my bedroom. Christ, what are they invading me for? My flat is so devoid of food, you would think it's Ethiopia... or maybe North Korea. They seem to avoid the ant bait, and insecticide is just as good as America's promise of hunting down Osama bin Laden. The funny thing is, they seem periodic. Occasionally they would vanish for a month or two, and they will be back again in full force. But meanwhile, I have to bear with their annoying presence. Did I mention they seem to have a taste for mouthwash?

Status

Facebook's user status is fun. I don't care what the hell some bitter sociopath have to say about it. It's fun. FUN! FUN! FUN! FUN!!! Alright, fine - it helps pass time in a company where instant messaging programs are blocked. If that doesn't sound incredulous, it gets un-blocked at exactly 12pm to 2pm and then from 5pm to 9am the next day. It's like as if they are control feeding their employees. It's 2pm, time for your daily dose of online communication. Eat up my little guinea pigs! The ridiculous thing is, the analysts have free reign over usage of instant messaging programs, supposedly to "communicate with the clients". In any case, I have been here for 2 years and the pressure to move on is growing, especially when the company seem to have changed their business direction and left their designers out of their plans. Now all we seem to be good for in the office is just shifting stuff around. Four years in university and degree worth RM60,000 and I end up a coolie. Fuck my life. And thank you Captain Najib Obvious for finally admitting the economy is screwed, therefore making the chances for brighter opportunities elsewhere slimmer.

Age

It seems I am not the only one feeling the death throes of youth. An ex-classmate laments how scary it is that he is nearing 30 while he reminisces how it didn't seem so long ago that we were back in school crazy about console games. Another groans that we didn't used to have to worry about things like sustaining a job and finances. An Indian ex-schoolmate (with a overbearing personality and potty mouth and yes I am adding these because I don't like her and also because it's all true) whines how it seem like yesterday that she was still 16. What does she have to complain about, she's just 27. Not taking lightly the humour of me charting her life from being a swamped mother of teenagers to old wrinkly hag, she asked me if my life was that miserable. I am gay and hating it, no longer young, still single because all gay men are too fucked up to maintain a relationship, stuck with a dead end job but still having to be thankful to have one due to the economy, closeted because mummy dearest would be suicidal if she knows and I live alone because I can't even find the time to have pets. She (Indian ex-schoolmate) is lucky I don't drug her and hack her legs off like Kathy Bates in Misery.

Take A Bow

2009-03-03T19:10:00.000-08:00

After 8 years of great memories and bringing performing arts in KL to a whole new level, the Actor's Studio Bangsar has finally closed its curtains for good on 28 February 2009. Apparently after all the renovation at Bangsar Shopping Centre, the management just did not include the theatre in its plans. Though founders Datuk Faridah Merican and Joe Hasham have said they will be looking for a new place, nothing much is solid yet. They still have their branch over at Penang, but it will rather be a great pity if they're not continuing here. One can still remember the anguish when the flood a few years back pretty much wrecked Actor's Studio main headquarters over at Dayabumi which in turn gave the branch at Bangsar much more prominence. Of course, there are still other venues of performing arts which are gaining popularity nowadays like KLPAC and the Istana Budaya, but it just wouldn't be same without Actor's Studio. Let's pray they will continue on.

My Debut Album/Make Me A Rock Band

2009-03-01T18:37:00.000-08:00

Another silly meme, courtesy of Alexander the Gay. It sounded fun, what can I say? Though I have mixed feelings about the result though...

Here are the rules:

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random”
or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:Random
The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Quotations Page and select "random quotations"
or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3
The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use Photoshop, GIMP, Inkscape, or similar to put it all together.

And my result:

What does this look like to you? Feels like one of those struggling Indie bands to me, which comes up with those music that they feel is artistic and intelligent while everyone else can't make heads or tails of. And the band would probably think you're a brainwashed capitalist dog if you don't understand them. On the other hand, it could be something along the lines of U2 or The Script.

In case anyone is wondering, the name of the band is the name of an asteroid while the album name was derived from a quote by Harry S. Truman. If you're reading this, you're considered tagged.

ANNIE, I LOVE YOU!!!

2009-02-25T19:45:00.000-08:00

I love Annie Lennox. I don't care if she's old enough to be my mother and that I am also a screaming fag. I would marry this woman in a blink. I know I have declared my undying love for Sarah McLachlan before, but Annie is a classic. This is the woman who inspired Neil Gaiman's anthromorphic aspect of Desire. She's the original gender chameleon. She might possibly be the only recording artist in the whole world who could get away with covering someone else's song and make it her own. Plus, she doesn't have granny arms like minging Madonna. Since embedding is disabled, click on the link below to see and listen to her latest single, a cover of Ash's Shining Light.

Click Me!

And I am much amused by some of the feedback on the single, most of them positive of course. Here's a few that really tickled me:

"After all these years, she still looks like an icon! Inspired cover version, and she could teach old slappers like Madonna a thing or two about how to get older with dignity and style. Not to mention how to sing! Well done Annie!"

"Annie i can't stand you....but...think this song suits your voice.

It truly hurt to say that."

"Annie is so useless and talentless and that is why she is Britains most successful female artsist and won grammys, brits, ivor novellos, golden globes, a oscar and countless others. Plus sold over 80 million records."

"Seriously, only this woman can pull off covering any song and positively own it!"

Oh wait... that last one was me...

White Lamb

2009-02-18T22:22:00.000-08:00

Remember Brown Bunny? Well now he has a new companion:

Meet White Lamb. Well, like Brown Bunny, it's not really a lamb. It's the 83rd edition of the Starbucks Bearista, dressed in a lamb suit. This is one of the two things that Starbucks is good for, and the only thing out of all their over-priced products that can make me willingly part with my hard earned money. Just for the record, this adorable creature cost me RM59. Way overboard for 9" stuffed toy. I am such a sucker for teddybears, and blast Starbucks for making them so cute. And how I itch when I saw how cheap and cute some of the past editions are on eBay.

I shall not spend money unnecessarily... I shall not spend money unnecessarily...

Of The Perak Fiasco & Racial Politics

2009-02-15T18:37:00.000-08:00

I am not usually politically inclined other than just making passing comments about current political issues. However like most of the younger generation, I do have a rebel streak so I pretty much hold the ruling government in contempt. Whatever the case I am never too fussy about who is at the top as long as they are doing the job they are suppose to do. As much disdain as I have for the ruling coalition, I have much respect for our ex-PM Tun Dr. Mahathir. He might not have been a leader who plays fair, but at least he WAS a leader, much unlike the constantly half-asleep Abdullah...

The recent fiasco in my home state of Perak does not really affect me much, though I would still rather see the Pakatan Rakyat in control. And like recent polls, the underhanded grab for power did not go down well with me. Though I did not like the fact that the much beloved Sultan Azlan Shah did not dissolve the state assembly (which would have been the most fair thing to do), I do believe in his wisdom it would have been the less problematic decision to acknowledge that PR had indeed lost its majority and should make way for BN. After all, didn't PR itself supported the notion of taking over the federal government via the defection tactic a few months back? Funny how when the tables are turned, we see a different face on both parties. So someone please tell me if my notion that there is no one worth voting for in the elections was wrong when we have a bunch of hypocrites as candidates.

What irks me however is the recent backlash that came from PR's action of wanting to sue the Malay ruler over his decision to acknowledge the new state government. Let's not forget, that it was Dr. M's, (a Malay man) actions in the past that removed the Malay rulers' immunity to the law. So what's the fuss if someone indeed decides to sue one of them? Don't get me wrong, because I have much pride in our country's unique royal heritage. Though in all logic, I believe it is nothing more than a cultural thing. It is rather sad to see, that in this day and age, when we are now finally witnessing a black man become the president of the United States, that our country's politics are still divided by racial lines. Sue a Sultan, and all a sudden it becomes a challenge to Malay rights. Frankly, I doubt the ruckus that is being raised has anything to do with their love for the Malay rulers. It is just another excuse to remind the minorities of the Ketuanan Melayu.

Every politician in power wants to harp about racial integration and harmony, but speak up about racial inequality and we have the issue above hit the fan. Our country's politics are undoubtedly ruled along lopsided racial lines, we just can't say it out loud, because we run the risk of questioning the "Malay rights" and therefore branded a racist and inciter. For goodness sake, after the last general elections we could not even accept a Menteri Besar from a minority race in a state where Malays are the majority. Does it really matter? The role of a leader is for the betterment of the people, so Malay or not should not be an issue, neither should it be a challenge to the national religion. No one is suppressing anyone's rights to worship here. Who cares what is the race or religion of a man or woman at the top post as long as he/she does the job well?

If I have ever voiced my support for the opposition, it is only because it seemed the lesser of two evils. At least DAP and PKR appeared more likely to end the racial divisions. No comment though, on PAS. We have wasted enough years with BN's other component parties' lack of vision and submission to UMNO's arrogance and ego. Any wonder why BN lost significant support from the people? Times are changing and despite already almost a year since the elections, BN still appears to be holding on to its archaic standards with nothing to show from its many promises to change. Even the more educated of Malay folks are feeling the less for the need to be coddled. I have no bones to pick with my Malay brothers and sisters, just the point of view that one race should be above all the rest does not sit well with me. I wonder if I will ever live to see a prime minister from a minority race. Then again, who can say?

F*** My Life

2009-02-12T20:16:00.000-08:00

There are worse things that could happen to someone on any fine day in the world. Like for instance, a bomb could land right on top of your home and obliterate your entire family while leaving you the maimed sole survivor, or maybe some crazy terrorist decides to send a plane right into your office building. But that's not really the point of this entry. I want to illustrate just how bad things can turn bad on you on any ordinary day.

1. You wake up late.

2. You go to get your breakfast at the nearby coffeeshop, and the people there decide to take their own sweet time to attend to your order.

3. The first signs of annoyance begin when the slow moving vehicles decides to hog the right lane and the left lane is full of slow rumbling trucks.

4. Some bright spark decided it was a good idea to have the Le Tour de Whatever route run through one of the deadliest traffic snarls of rush hour, the dreaded Lebuhraya (or Parking) Damansara - Puchong. It induces a virtual standstill through 3/4 of the entire length of the highway and spilling the mess into several connected routes.

5. It's everybody for themselves. Everyone has somewhere to get to on time, so hell, let's squeeze into whatever lane gets you there faster. Does anyone in the Klang Valley not realise it only slows down traffic even more? Cars start to scrape against each other, cars stop, and drivers argue about who bumped whose butt at the expense of further aggravating the jam.

6. Halfway through the stop and go traffic, you get a stomachache. The kind that probably is a man's closest equivalent to childbirth.

7. You finally get to a shortcut, only to have all the traffic lights (numbering about 10) along the route turn red at your turn, all the while trying your best not to empty your bowels on the carseat.

6. About 500 meters from your office, someone's car decides to breakdown, delaying you from your destination another further 10 minutes.

7. You finally arrive at your office building. You enter the carpark and a really 'considerate' person decides to hog the lane while he waits to take someone else's parking space despite the availability of many more and the other one takes his/her own sweet time to unlock, open the car door, step inside while arranging his/her belongings, check himself/herself in the mirror, buckle up, start the car, and then move out slowly while making sure he/she does not disturb the surrounding air.

8. Great, you finally manage to park and you have so far successfully not soiled your pants yet. You grab your bag, head for the elevator and find both are at the top floor.

9. The elevator finally arrives, and you get inside, all the while praying to whatever God or Supreme Being it is you believe in that it would just go all the way up without stopping. No such luck. It stops at the next floor and you find two people with a trolley talking with each other and not realising the elevator has arrived despite the loud chime. When they finally realise, they slowly push the laden trolley in. Just as the door is about to close, another two persons stops the elevator, and presses the floor right below yours.

10. The elevator stops at next floor, to open to no one waiting outside. Someone apparently thought it was a good idea to press for both floors to save their own time at the expense of someone else's.

11. You finally arrive at your floor, breaking out in a cold sweat from the effort of holding back your bowels, already one and a half hours late and you make a run for the toilet to find all the stalls occupied and the next nearest washroom is on the floor below.

12. You finally make it to an empty washroom, but someone in the next stall apparently could not stand the odour of his own discharge so he lights up a smoke. Heaven for him, suffocation for the one next door.

13. You're sweating from the agony of your efforts.

14. You finally arrive at the office, to a warm office. Because apparently all the women are cold blooded - they could not withstand the air-conditioning.

In the tradition of www.fmylife.com.... FML.

Happy Darwin Day

2009-02-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

Charles Robert Darwin - Evolution by Werner Horvath

Today marks the 200th anniversary of the birth of Charles Robert Darwin, the man who pioneered the theory of natural selection, the driving force behind the evolution of species. This year is also the 150th anniversary of the publication of his On the Origin of Species.

Thou Shalt Not Waste

2009-02-10T01:49:00.000-08:00

A friend brought a bag of these to my Christmas party back in December (obviously) and left it in my kitchen. For two months, I did not really bothered about it. Now I assumed it was untouched as it looked unopened. Three days ago I finally got around to it after feeling an itch to munch. To my horror, I found that the bag was opened. The contents exposed to the elements of my kitchen all this time.

And then curiosity got the best of me. I picked a piece from the bag and inspected it. No mold, no sign of a household pest infestation. Slowly, I drew the pretzel close to my mouth and I took a sniff. No offending odour. Then almost an afterthought, I popped it gingerly into my mouth and took a bite.

Two days later, I finished the whole bag. All 10 ounce of it.

Crouching Pirate Hidden Pimp

2009-02-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

I hardly ever buy DVDs nowadays, mostly because Food Snob dumps a portion of his cache on me once he's done watching them. Unfortunately after a year of doing so, he has yet to have a lot of hits as to guessing what type of movies are to my liking. So it was on one of those rare occasions yesterday that I decided to pay a visit to the neighbourhood DVD pirate which has a lot of titles to satisfy the finicky person like me. As most Malaysians are familiar with, DVD pirates are mostly a stereotypical lot. The Chinese lala beng types who used to rule Chinatown (which now resembles Banglatown more). Being the fact that the joint is new, the proprietor was very much friendly to any visitor who drops by. A little too friendly perhaps. At first he tried recommending titles to me. Me, being me however, usually do not appreciate being constantly harrassed while perusing though I just nodded and smiled to humour the man.

Then he began to explain to me his promotions, of how I can mix and match different sorts of DVDs in his shop and get one free if I buy five titles. He sneakily lead me to a section where softcore porn were among the mix, then he said in a coy tone that he had more hardcore ones in the room at the back and that he can recommend me some titles if I needed. I flustered and waved him away while trying to distract him by showing more interest in his Star Trek: Voyager boxed set ( I REALLY WAS INTERESTED IN THAT, OK?!). Not to be perturbed, he insisted and lead me to his secret stash. I had to humour him for a while browsing through various heterosexual hardcore porn while trying my best to feign interest in abnormally large bosoms and penis-chomping vaginas, though in reality I was more interested in the stack with a naked man brazenly displaying his genitalia.

"Try these titles! Got story wan!" he says (in Cantonese of course).

He left me alone after a while much to my relief, though I still had to pretend to browse through more titties and vaginas for fear he might be observing me through some secret hidden camera to find out my "consumer habits". I left the room unobtrusively as possible to avoid his attention, but alas:

"Aiyah boss, nothing you like?"

"Er. No." I felt as if everyone in the shop was looking at me, "I will just stick with your old movies thanks."

I quickly shuffled back to the Blu-ray section and made my choice and quickly paid for them. But DVDman was not about to let me go without a fight.

"You don't have to worry, I will never bluff you! What I recommend to you is all clear wan... I still want to make sure you come back right??"

"Right. That's what you DVD sellers say."

"Aiya, don't say like that la... tell you what...." he lowers his voice a notch, "If you want to kiu kai, you let me know! I do this also!"

"WHAT???!!! You do THAT as well??"

For those of you who don't know, kiu kai here is a crude way to say "soliciting the services of a prostitute".

"Yaaa! All Chung Guok mui (Mainland Chinese girls), guaranteed pretty! I don't do all those Malay, Malay wan. You just let me know what you want, I arrange for you!"

Dear God, that was the straw that broke MY back. I walked as fast as I could from the place without breaking into a panic run, half wanting to throw my earlier purchase back at the offending pimp. I felt as if I had just made a donation supporting the flesh trade. I have no problems with piracy, but I draw the line at prostituion. One thing is for sure, no way I am going back THERE again.

25

2009-02-01T22:06:00.001-08:00

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

1. I am one those who are termed as a "banana chinese". Though I dislike the label, I am proud to be one because I dislike Chinese pride or "kiasuism".

2. I read in the toilet. If it wasn't because dampness damages books, I would set up a bookshelf in there.

3. My dream job is to be a National Geographic journalist though sadly at this moment I am not even half a step near achieving that dream.

4. I was still washing my face with soap till I was 23 of which of all people, my mother made me use facial wash.

5. I am not very conventional or stereotypical when it comes to being gay, though occasionally I would ham it up just to annoy people or amuse myself.

6. I had my first flight at 28, in September last year.

7. I am an old fashioned romantic, though as I get older it becomes increasingly useless unless I want to seduce naive young boys.

8. I used to be terribly passionate about art but 4 years in university and 5 years in the industry has totally sucked the passion out of me.

9. I held a torch up for someone for almost 5 years and there was no happy ending to it.

10. I have appeared locally on TV before as an extra and internationally on BBC radio in an interview on gay people living in Kuala Lumpur.

11. The people I have dated are all different, from age group to personality and some even baffle me as to how I even ended up in a relationship with them. I must be desperate.

12. I hate idling and I have a short attention span unless it is something that interest me.

13. I have a morbid fascination for things associated with the dead - cemeteries, mummies, funerals, tombs etc.

14. I might possibly be the only one in my class in my schooling days who actually liked history for what it is and not a topic to ace in exams.

15. I hate and suck at mathematics. The day when I no longer had to deal with it after my foundation year in university was a day of celebration.

16. I have an overactive imagination. I formulate all sorts of scenarios in my head, and most of them are negative. Doesn't my blog user name already tells you something?

17. The only time you will ever catch me singing in public is when I am instructing in the gym.

18. I am very particular on who I consider as friends, and those that I do consider as friends have a special place in my life.

19. I love traveling but totally hate the logistics and planning.

20. If I could, I would like to change every single bit of my physical appearance - from my hair, down to my toes.

21. I think I am a terribly horny person.

22. I am very conservative when it comes to spending, unless it is something that I really, REALLY like.

23. Despite being gay, I still fantasize about having a family of my own and it saddens me sometimes that it probably will never come to be.

24. I get irked at people who take ages to answer me on messenger without a valid excuse.

25. I think I might be having commitment phobias.

Everyone who read this is considered tagged.

Starbucks English Muffin

2009-01-29T18:39:00.000-08:00

Starbucks English Muffin, oh I love! Want! Want! Want! None of their rubbish coffee but oh, the English muffin! Oral orgasm! How can something this simple taste so heavenly? A piece of chicken ham and a piece of poached egg with a slice of cheese, garnished with a light sprinkling of pepper, all sandwiched between a lovely muffin and toasted lightly. One bite and I can hear James Morrison's You Make It Real, Madonna's Like A Virgin... touched for the very first time. I am suppose to be on a post holiday diet. But the muffin... it called my name... oh you naughty muffin! Now I am going to have to eat you...

Dirty Sex

2009-01-07T18:30:00.000-08:00

This post is relevant to the previous post and contains graphic depiction of what is technically necrophilia. Do not read further beyond this point if that notion offends you, but I know you are going to read anyway, so shut up and just enjoy.

Now imagine this, young girl in the cemetery in the middle of the night, mourning the supposed death of her vampire lover. She drops flowers at his grave and then turns to leave. Suddenly a cold dirty hand bursts out from the ground and grabs her leg. Girl screams and falls. Hand grabs tighter, girl screams louder and struggles. Horrible naked corpse like figure emerges from the cemetery ground and envelopes itself around girl. Girl agonizes her doom.

"Sookehhhhh..." horrible naked corpse like figure drawls, "Sookehhhhhh... it's meee..."

Girl stops screaming, takes a look at horrible naked corpse like figure, who turns out to be supposed deceased lover - who technically is already deceased since he is an undead. Undead lover appears to be not so dead after all. In a moment of mixed relief and pent-up frustration, girl reaches out to dirt-encrusted undead lover and kisses him. Did I mention dirt-encrusted? Moment of relief turns to passion, and then to wild animalistic lust. Naked, dirty, undead lover pops fangs and proceeds to roughly thrust his filthy dirt-encrusted penis into girl. Did I mention dirt-encrusted? Undead lover proceeds to strip girl while roughly copulating with girl with his dirty penis, in the CEMETERY. After a while, undead lover sinks fangs into willing girl after she says, "Not the neck...".

Talk about dirty sex. Aye carumba!

Bloody Good

2009-01-05T18:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday while exploring one of the new highway clogging malls along LDP, Tropicana Mall, I found this series in a DVD pirate joint. I have read about it before, from the creator of one of my favourite TV series, Six Feet Under, Alan Ball. A series about vampires set two years after "coming out of the coffin" due to the invention of artificial blood. With no need to feed on humans anymore, vampires now live in the open. The premise, unfortunately resembles the recent stupid vampire movie, Twilight which had fan girls frothing and orgasming at the same time, a romance between a human and a vampire. The only difference is, under the creative direction of Alan Ball, True Blood becomes a masterful piece of storytelling, if you don't mind the often distracting graphic sex scenes and nudity. Hell, even the title sequence is crammed with 18SX rated visuals, so I think you wouldn't be seeing this on local TV anytime soon. But you can take some pointers from here Miss Meyer, that you don't need an over-the-top good looking vampire from your wet dreams to a hold a story. Seriously, sparkling vampires?

I digress, the series is based on the Sookie Stackhouse book series by Charlaine Harris. That's right, the protagonist has the kooky name Sookie Stackhouse (played by Academy Award winner Anna Paquin), who happens to be a telepath. Due to her abilities she finds herself unable to have a normal relationship, which brings her close to a vampire named Bill Compton who walks into the bar where she works as a waitress one night. Bill who is undead has no brainwaves, which makes his thoughts silent to Sookie - a match made in Heaven. Though the awkward romance between the two takes centerstage in the series, what makes it move are the colourful supporting characters set in the fictional redneck Louisiana town, Bon Temps. Sookie's boss, Sam Merlotte, who also happens to harbour romantic feelings for her is a closet shape-shifter, her best friend, Tara Thornton is believed to be contaminated by demons, and her brother, Jason is a horny womanizer and spent most of the first few episodes with his clothes off in often graphically simulated sex scenes. I have only watched four episodes and I am already loving it. Unfortunately it is still in its first season. Oh well, there is always House MD and Grey's Anatomy to distract me in the wait.

Tree Is A Company VI: Epilogue

2008-12-29T18:49:00.000-08:00

It's halfway through the twelve days of Christmas, after three tree changes, countless visits to countless malls, multiple rearrangements and ornament additions, an almost impossible quest for the right tree topper, three light blew outs and one house party later, I am proud to say the Christmas tree of 2008 was a success. I think it added a nice warm touch to my home for the holiday season. However the aftermath remains unclear as I have yet to receive my credit card bill though I know exactly how much I owe the bank. But nothing sinks in reality more than the tangible proof of your overspending. I also now have enough angel tree toppers to last another three years if I should decide to change my tree theme. I am, however, not looking forward to the end of the twelfth day and the monumental task of dismantling the whole thing and putting it back into storage. Makes me glad they don't have Chinese New Year trees...

In Memoriam

2008-12-25T22:46:00.000-08:00

Eartha Kitt
1927 - 2008

The Tai Chi Master

2008-12-21T19:37:00.000-08:00

One of the dangers in meeting new people is how the conversation can sometimes take a turn for the worse. Like for instance how I (think) offended this particular person without knowing it. We were talking about group exercise programs in the gyms upon which the topic fell on tai chi. He was relating to me how in his youth he had bad asthma and how this so called "master" taught him some tai chi breathing and exercises which helped him a lot. He elaborated on how this master was of great reputation and don't take students easily, sort of like your stereotypical "shi fu" stock character (think Pai Mei in Kill Bill), and how he said that he's just going to show him once on some basic exercises once and after that he shouldn't bother him again. Now I wouldn't be so taken aback by the rather arrogant behaviour of this "master" but I would admit to being dumbfounded as to why this person who is relating to me this story be talking about him so reverently.

Call me lacking in tact, but I pounced on it immediately, asking him why the man had to behave in such a haughty manner when it comes to imparting his skill. He explained to me that the "master" had such knowledge in his hands that he had to be careful in choosing who to teach them to, as the knowledge he had can empower someone with the ability to kill with his bare hands. Now that to me is pure poppycock. What did it have to do with the master's arrogant holier-than-thou attitude? Correct me if I am wrong, but any knowledge is a dangerous thing depending on how you wield it. Like how a car is an instrument for transport, but put it in the hands of a drunk and you have a weapon of mass destruction. So to me, having a little knowledge in martial arts does not automatically grant you divine status to judge everyone else. You can either choose to impart your knowledge wisely or not at all, so all the haughty behaviour was rather unnecessary.

I digress, this person did not take my point of view well at all. He then argued that he understood the master's opinion because being that he was a trainer of sorts as well, he believes one has to be stern when it comes to dealing with students as a way to build respect. But I countered, being stern was one thing, but behaving like you're a god when it comes to imparting knowledge is just uncalled for. I was reminded of the days when I was in high school where we had teachers of such who terrorized their students just because they were in a position of power. I bolstered the fact that I also trained people in my line of work and I understood the view of being stern, but I believed helping someone improve should be the basis of imparting a skill, not demonstrating your superiority to others. At this point, this person got exasperated and let slip that people like me should just "go home". Usually I don't take last resort retorts like that lightly but I can see when someone has hit his boiling point. But really, let's not forget, despite what a great kungfu master Pai Mei was, his arrogance became his downfall. And what did he die of? Getting poisoned - now THAT, is killing with style and finesse. Killing with your bare hand, so crude and barbaric.

In Memoriam

2008-12-18T18:27:00.001-08:00

Majel Barrett-Roddenberry
1932 - 2008

Tree Is A Company V: Angel... WIN?

2008-12-11T23:02:00.000-08:00

Finally, the right angel to top the tree! Almost exactly what I was hoping to find. And only for RM39.90, from your friendly store where furniture is sold like groceries, Ikano (where the infamous IKEA is also based).

Just the right size and colour too!

Heroic Chilean Dog

2008-12-09T21:39:00.000-08:00

I salute you, wherever you are. God bless. You are way better than any human being on this Earth.

Tree Is A Company IV: Christmas Lights FAIL... AGAIN

2008-12-09T18:44:00.001-08:00

Seriously, what are the chances that two strands of lights blow out before Christmas while the third replacement, after a painstaking extrication and replacement session, HAS A FAULTY CONNECTOR? My currently half unadorned Christmas tree sits in the center of the living room awaiting the next set of replacement lights, with ornaments strewn all over the floor and sofa.

Yes indeed, I DO hate Christmas.

On a positive not, I loved Bolt. You've got to admit, it was cheesy, it was predictable and it was definitely designed to make you go "Awwww..." but hell, it's one of those movies that just makes you feel all melted and warm and fuzzy inside. Almost brought a tear to my eye... ALMOST. It sure beats Twilight, although very much a faithful adaptation of the book despite the compressed timelines. Both are crap, and Stephenie Meyer ought to be shot for unleashing this gruesome equivalent of a teenage girl's wet dream into the world. What the hell is wrong with those people out there who loves this piece of literary garbage?

The line that really cracked me and whiterabbit up:

Edward: (Looking all angsty while getting all sparkly like Christmas tinsel under the sun) This is the skin of a monster.
Bella: You're so beautiful...

Both of us almost gagged.

Tree Is A Company III: Christmas Lights FAIL

2008-12-08T18:22:00.001-08:00

I thought that would be the end of it when I finally swore off spending more on the Christmas tree. Firstly, I have yet to stop visiting Christmas deco departments, mostly due to the fact that HRH is not around to smack me. However, I did not buy anything although my tree is still missing a topper which had me hunting in almost every major mall in the Klang Valley (other than the terribly secluded ones in Klang). The furthest I went would probably be the obscure Great Eastern Mall, located along Jalan Ampang, which is almost a good 45 minutes drive from where I stay, provided there is no bad traffic of course which is highly unlikely nowadays. They had some pretty ones which are unfortunately astronomically priced.

Secondly, I came out of my room one night into the living room to discover something was not quite right with my tree. It took me about 5 seconds to realise that the lower half of the tree was in darkness. Apparently the whole strand consisting of 100 lights had fried - which would mean I had to slowly extricate the mentioned section by removing all the ornaments. Fine, despite my annoyed disposition, I had to buy another strand of lights to replace the burnt out section (who the hell makes Christmas lights which fries the whole length?). To my annoyance, due to the rearranging, the tree now looks slightly unbalanced. To the lay person it would probably mean nothing, but the inner angsty artist in me screamed. Fine, nevermind, I thought, while I smothered the screaming angsty artist. Barely one hour later, the replaced section flickered and before my very eyes, the lower half of the tree was plunged into darkness again!

"Must... control... fist... of... death...."

It took all my strength to control the welling rabid madness within me and not rush towards my overpriced tree and rip it to pieces with my bare hands. Post mortem discovery - my multi-socket plug proved to be the culprit. The loose connection had somehow resulted in a surge. Result - another strand of lights needed, which means yet another painstaking removal and replacement session. Did I mention how much I hate Christmas?

Tree Is A Company (Part II)

2008-12-04T18:16:00.001-08:00

The troublesome and expensive Christmas tree, pictures as per requested.

A wider view of the tree with my pet house plant.

Angel tree topper FAIL. The angel that was too heavy for the tree from Pinky. But it is so pretty right?

Tree Is A Company

2008-12-04T18:14:00.001-08:00

I have a love hate relationship with Christmas. It's the season that gets me down and it is also the season that invokes unwelcome feelings in me. The only thing I love about Christmas are the Christmas trees. I am even less enthusiastic about receiving Christmas presents as compared to setting up a tree. Don't ask me why, but I have a feeling it stems from some repressed childhood thing when we used to set up an artificial tree back in hometown every Christmas season though nobody in my family are Christians. I never really asked my mother why we did it despite us being a family of freethinkers and pagan idol worshipers. I theorized it was really just for the sake of us kids. The "tradition" stopped after we started having dogs. According to my mother, she didn't want to have dog fur getting caught up in the tree though I suspected it was more because she didn't want the hassle of extracting the tree from our hazardously overloaded storeroom.

After a few years of living in the city alone and watching over the top and extravagant trees being set up in malls during Christmas season (I blame Metrojaya for the bulk of my obsession), I finally caved in last year and hastily bought a 5 feet tree from Tesco which I haphazardly cobbled together with budget trimmings in a vain attempt to make it look expensive. The end result was disastrous. Not so much because it ended up looking cheap and pathetic, but because it fueled by obsession that I needed to do better next year. My mother did not over-reacted as I thought she would when she popped by for a visit:

"A Christmas tree? You should have just asked for the old one at home if you wanted one instead of buying a new one."

I kept telling friends after that I am going to go bigger the next year, and get a 6 feet one. They just rolled their eyes and thought I was crazy. So my obsession began anew last month, the same moment Metrojaya began setting up their Christmas deco, so yes, they are to be blamed for my insanity. I attempted to refrain from giving in to my obsession to go bigger so I just hauled out the old 5 feet one and set it up, this time with new lights and ribbon garlands. The final result was no different from last year, it ended up looking sad and small in the corner of my living room and I couldn't bring myself to look upon it without feeling ashamed. With vengeance, I renewed my search for a bigger tree despite it being the middle of November, visiting different malls every few days and yes, bloody Metrojaya, in hopes of finding the tree of my dreams. No such luck from the latter considering their most decent trees were priced from RM400 onwards but God did it made my obsession burn. Just with luck, Carrefour was starting to sell trees, and the 6 feet one (made in Vietnam) was going for just RM50, and the branches look really thick with needles too. I could have made a Dr. Evil expression at the thought of getting a tree that large for such a steal.

So off I trotted home, delighted with my bargain to set up my tree. Coincidentally, Laynie was suppose to come over for a DVD night and found herself reluctantly drafted into my insane quest.

"Why the hell do you have two trees?"

I wasn't about to let my enthusiasm be dampened. But what's this as I began to unpack the thing:

"No hinged branches?"

It didn't look good. No hinged branches means higher susceptibility to wear and tear with each use. It was then I began to realize that nothing comes cheap without consequences. The quality was really poor. So poor that a little branch broke off as I was unfurling it. In my estimates, the tree probably wouldn't last 3 years without looking denuded. But still, I tried being optimistic. So after almost 3 hours, the end result was somewhat better than the previous tree. Not satisfied with the result, I started visiting malls again to compare. Yes, BACK TO METROJAYA... AGAIN. I wasn't going to be outdone, so after getting more trimmings from several places, I decided finally that my tree now looks more presentable...

Or does it?

Something was not right. After more visits to malls and more comparisons made later, I found my tree despite being 6 feet did not have foliage that covered the stand. But no, I wasn't going to feed my insane obsession of Christmas trees anymore. But itchy me, I could not resist a peek at the affluent neighbourbood malls of Bangsar during a lunch outing with whiterabbit.

"My tree needs berries," I proclaimed.

"Berries?"

"To top the tree!"

So yet another friend fell victim to my obsession and was for an hour dragged around Bangsar Village to look at Christmas decorations. The search turned up fruitless (excuse the pun), so off I went again, TO METROJAYA (curses!) and finally found what I was looking for. Berry branches, at RM10.90 a piece, and I got four. Finally I decided, this was going to be it. No more! Or so I vainly thought...

The nagging feeling that I had gotten myself a bad purchase with the RM50 tree continued to chew at my conscience. So this time I sneaked a peek at Bangsar Shopping Centre during closing hours after my session in the gym, and I caught sight of a nice tree going for RM249.

"Gulp. Must... resist..."

But I wasn't going to give in so easily, I had to go back this time and compare carefully. I can always decide again tomrrow because I would be around the area. So after coming home and staring at my already set up tree like for what seem like an eternity, I decided Carrefour tree had to go. So again I was in BSC the next day. However after closer inspection, I found I did not like that tree so much, so partially relieved, I did not make the purchase. It didn't end there - I somehow found myself in Pavilion, in the heart of KL. I was doomed the moment I stepped in Parkson. There among the trees available, was a 7 feet tree of excellent quality, with REAL pine cones, selling at RM599 for a discounted price of RM419.30.

"Gag."

It didn't help that I was also feeling somewhat depressed over the week over issues. The more sad I was, the more likely I will be to do stupid things to keep me preoccupied. I spent the next few hours running around in the Golden Triangle area looking at even MORE decorations in an attempt to discourage myself. I even saw a luxurious tree with detailed pine needles, going for RM1000+. I was going insane. RM419.30 is better than that price right? RIGHT??? My fate was sealed. In the end I was RM419.30 poorer, having two twinks lug my "Austrian Pine" to my car 4 floors down at the other end of the mall. A spectacle that HRH Nut would have been proud of. I spent a total 7 hours taking down my Carrefour tree and setting up the new one over the course of the next 24 hours. I'd even had to get another 2 strings of lights to light the whole tree. Three days later, after regular lunch with Pinky, I ended up with a Christmas angel doll with ceramic hands and head which Pinky insisted she paid for. Guess what, it didn't fit the tree. BLAST!!!! It now sits at the kitchen counter, looking like something from a horror movie and very out of place.

"You are to smack me if you ever see me wandering into anymore Christmas deco sales in malls," I said to HRH Nut.

"Why?"

"I probably spent close to RM800 this year on the Christmas tree."

"Good lord..."

"But then again I heard they have quite nice decos in Great Eastern Mall!"

*SMACK!*

Have Some Balls Abdullah

2008-03-09T19:56:00.000-07:00

The audacity of that man. In the 2004 elections Abdullah had no hesitation in admitting that the landslide victory of BN was the mandate of the people for his rule. Now that the tide has turned, he has the gall to refuse to resign and say why should he when BN still won the majority to form the federal government? That is likened to the army dictatorship in Myanmar ignoring the will of the people. He's not even clever enough to find a better reason. Koh Tsu Koon had the grace to bow out in the face of Gerakan's defeat. Your mandate has been revoked, so salvage your dignity and just leave. The people have spoken and so have your predecessor, Mahathir. In the past four years you have shown yourself to be nothing more than a weak leader behaving like a senile old fool. Your ineffective and inefficient rule is over.

I Don't Care About The Elections

2008-03-06T18:21:00.000-08:00

No, I don't care about the elections, and no, I am not a registered voter. I don't rule out one day I might exercise my rights to vote but right now I rather exercise my rights NOT to vote. Politicians and zealous friends can call people like me irresponsible but I think it takes greater restraint to not take sides. It seems rather pointless to me when I see no one worth voting for. The present government can just shut up because no matter what they say, it is a government divided by thinly veiled racial lines where equality, education and economic policies are concerned. I certainly have no faith in Abdullah Badawi, whom half the time looks like he doesn't know what he's talking about. Makes you wonder how this person stay up there when he answers question like a headless chicken during a recent interview by CNN. The opposition can promise nothing either because they have no experience whatsoever in running a country nor can they set aside their own differences to instill any confidence.

However when it comes to deciding the lesser of several evils, I would deny PAS any votes if I really had to choose. So despite my lack of confidence in the ruling coalition, I will certainly be glad to see them stamped out for good in the coming elections. As it is, the lines between state and religion are already blurred enough. To have this bunch of fundamentalist retards anywhere in the government is a hindrance to development if not a step backward. Hell, PAS should just come up with the tagline, "Vote PAS, think Afghanistan!".

So BN, DAP, PAS or whatever, I can't really be bothered with politics. To me, politics is just like money - by all pure logic, we don't really need it but through some twist in evolution, money has become the sole driving force in human survival. So for the same reasons we have somehow created a dependency on governments and politicians to survive. For the past five thousand years, humanity have created a muck that will take probably another few thousand years to unravel, if anybody is working towards Utopia in the first place. I am just waiting for tomorrow to come and go quickly come so that I don't have to read propaganda in the papers everyday, see eyesore banners in every corner of the streets and listening to silly politicians trying to outdo each other like some adult version of a kindergarten playground. Don't make us any promises because we don't need to hear it. Just shut up and do your job.

Hole In The Head

2008-03-04T18:09:00.000-08:00

I don't want to have to deal with this.

I am tired, fed up, angry, disappointed and upset but it's not your fault though I really want to blame you for everything.

You should have had more courage to hold on to me if I was everything you've ever wanted instead of blaming your past.

We all have our pasts, if I can deal with it, why can't you?

I don't want to keep feeling the way I do.

I don't want to keep repeating this painful cycle.

Why am I allowed to feel this kind of happiness when eventually it would be taken away - it's not fair and yes God, I blame You.

I don't know where I am and I don't know where I am going but I know I don't want to be here.

There are no happy endings for people like us - gay men are programmed to be tragic and it spreads like a virus.

I don't want to be noble when all I can feel is how hurt I am and I want to scream at you for the pain you caused me.

I have become too damaged to sustain any more blows.

I have become too jaded to even cry - all the response I could dredge up is numbness.

I don't want to explain to everyone how we're no longer an item and I want to be left alone.

In Memoriam

2008-02-19T19:32:00.001-08:00

Lydia Sum Din-Ha
1947 - 2008

In Memoriam

2008-02-11T16:35:00.001-08:00

Roy Scheider
1932 - 2008

Mouldy

2008-01-28T22:31:00.000-08:00

All around me are signs that age is catching up, even if I can afford to deny what I see in the mirror. Well okay, maybe I am not denying so much - I don't have as much hair as I used to have when I was 16 and of late, I can begin to see the vague outlines of crow's feet starting to form whenever I smile. Not good. People who die young, perhaps they are the lucky ones.

Physical aging aside, I managed to catch up on two schoolmates recently on Facebook. If they can have seven new wonders of the world, they should have seven new deadly sins and Facebook included as one of them for excessive but yet amusing waste of time. But I'm moving out of topic again, so back to the two schoolmates. I knew them back when I was in an experimental shithole of a school which ran on a single session. I was 16 then and they were about no more than 13? A bunch of bratty annoying kids - love them to bits. Fast forward 12 years later, I find them on Facebook and one is getting married... TO MY EX-CLASSMATE, while the other is practically a sarong party girl, dating a white guy in Singapore. My reaction? IMPOSSIBLE! Bratty girls simply do not grow up into attractive young women who marry your classmates and date white men. In my mind I still saw them as flat-chested, pinafore-wearing schoolgirls with horrible hair that would make drag queens scream. I felt like I stepped into the Twilight Zone... and it was about to get worse.

Few days ago, an ex-university classmate added me on Facebook as well. On her profile was the picture of a baby. At first I didn't pay much attention, and then I did a second take. Wait a minute, a baby? I clicked on the picture, and found out it had no description. A horrible truth began to dawn on me. I commented on the picture:

"OMG... is it yours?"

Few hours later, a reply came, "Yes. This fella is mine... huahahhaha...".

I didn't add the maniacal laughter, that was indeed her reply. My former flighty as a feather classmate had gotten married to my high school senior and with his help, produced a miniature version of herself. She is now a mother, while I, her cold logical friend who is of higher seniority is currently having commitment phobia and abandonment issues. God indeed has a very poor sense of humour. Despite looking way lot more attractive than I did 3 years ago, I am finding myself hard on reciprocating amorous attention. The irony of it was I could have easily returned such feelings 3 years ago. Now all I am capable of feeling is old, weary and wary.

I need to go practice dying glamorously naked on my bed now - whilst I still look pretty enough.

Funereal Hysteria

2008-01-27T18:11:00.000-08:00

As predicted, the "public mourning" for Heath Ledger has died down as news associated with his death begins to drop from the headlines. Barely a week ago I found myself the target for "cyber assassination" for openly criticising the public mourning for an actor whom none of us really know other than the roles he played and what the tabloids report.

"He's dead. He ain't getting any deader. Get over it."

Not that I am being insensitive. It's a tragedy that one so young with such a bright future ahead of him is prematurely snuffed out but that is all there is to it for one among many who doesn't know who Mr. Ledger really is. Closer to home, if anybody really bothered to read the newspapers nowadays, the promising life of a young medical student had also been prematurely terminated in a road accident caused by a bus driver with 30 summonses. As far as I am concerned, she deserved to be mourned as much as Mr. Ledger, but nobody but her family and friends are feeling it. The only difference is she was not some celebrity who frequently made the pages of magazines and entertained us on the silver screen. But she could have been a promising doctor who might have saved plenty of lives if she had lived. So no, I do not believe in mourning for people I do not know, especially foreign celebrities, as influential as they may be.

I also find it strange that people feel for Heath Ledger for the roles that he played and not the life that he led - namely Brokeback Mountain. First of all, Heath Ledger was not gay, and neither was Ang Lee's adaptation of Annie Proulx short story about gay cowboys very realistic either. Remember it was a story written in such a way as to play with one's emotions. Pity that nobody really remembered his role as a gay athlete having to deal with prejudice and coming out in the Australian teen series Sweat which was by far more set in reality. I find "I wish I knew how to quit you" cheesy at best.

Whilst Mr. Ledger is being buried amidst the media circus and mass mourning surrounding his tragic demise, many also seem to have missed the circumstances of his death. Though purely through evidential speculation at the moment, he seem to have overdosed on prescription drugs - a disturbingly common tale associated with celebrities nowadays. Don't get me wrong, I am not belittling those with illnesses that genuinely need such drugs, but people are turning to using prescription drugs as easily as popping a couple of aspirins. Though it is unknown as to whether Mr. Ledger truly needed them, the more nagging question was did he know the dangers of it. There was a lesson to be learned from his death and from many others that died like him, but many seem to be more interested in lamenting how they will never see his presence on the silver screen again while many more turn to drugs because it seems like such a hip thing to do when you are "depressed".

Make no mistake, Heath Ledger was very human. He was a father, a brother and a son. But like every one of us he was just as fallible. To quote Neil Gaiman's The Sandman character Death:

"You lived what anybody gets, Bernie. You got a lifetime. No more. No less. You got a lifetime."

It couldn't be more aptly said. So enough with the howling hysterical sorrow and let the dead sleep.

In Memoriam

2008-01-23T19:41:00.001-08:00

Heath Ledger
1979 - 2008

In Memoriam

2008-01-23T19:35:00.001-08:00

Sir Edmund Hillary
1919 - 2008

Polis Diraja Malaysia: A Royal Disgrace

2008-01-23T18:15:00.000-08:00

Take note that this is not an attack on the Malaysian police as a whole, but I can safely say that with how most of the force are behaving, it is starting to make their conduct questionable. This morning while once again braving the daily morning traffic horror at the LDP Sunway toll, what appeared to be a cop on a motorcycle stopped at the side of my car about 10 meters away from the toll when it was about to be my turn. Without saying anything, he made gestures to what seem like to me that I should follow my queue (which I was), then he proceeded to the same to the other line at the adjacent toll. Just as I was about to enter, he again pulled up at my side. This time I lowered my window to see what was the matter. In a rude tone he said:

"Pergilah tepi! You tak faham kah?" (Move to the side! You don't understand?")

It was then I realised that he was an outrider escorting some VIP. First of all, let me state that I believe that nobody, no matter how important they are, except ambulances or emergencies, should be given way on the road. By the look of how comfy this group of VIPs were in their car, they don't seem to be in any kind of emergency. Like everyone they should suffer like the rest of us stuck in the jam every morning. I mean we pay our taxes as well don't we? And if the VIP is a politician, all the more he/she should feel what the rest of us are feeling. After all, it's their fault for not managing the traffic system well. Take a look at the late Ghafar Baba who always insisted that he should not be escorted by outriders because he doesn't want to inconvenience other people. God rest his soul.

But I digress, I was much taken aback by the rudeness of this cop that I actually yelled back at him, "Belakang pun sudah block! Kalau boleh jalan, jalan sajalah!" (The back is already blocked! If they can move then move!")

Still, I was forced to give way, to not one VIP car, but several others as well in the entourage, further aggravating the jam which already had tempers flaring all around. This won't be the first time I had bad blood with the Malaysian police. Years back when I was still in high school, I had the very unfortunate experience of witnessing police brutality after being forced to participate in a police line-up. Not that I was the victim of their oppression of course. Me and several group of people had their identification cards illegally detained (I didn't know it was illegal then) by the police after what seem like a routine check at an arcade centre. We were told to go to the police station to collect them. We were made to wait in a small room and not told why we there. There was an open door connected to the next room where I could see a disheveled man in handcuffs being harassed by several plainclothes policemen. To my shock, they started assaulting him and told him to squat underneath a desk while one of them rested his foot on him like a footrest!

Never in my life have I ever witnessed with my own eyes a man being treated this way. It was almost as if he was worse than an animal. When the guy who was using him as a footrest saw me looking, he immediately went to close the door, as if he knew what he was doing was not meant to be witnessed by the public. I don't know what crime he has committed then but later did I find out he was a snatch thief after he was "herded" among us in a line-up while two women were brought in to identify him. It was after that incident that I lost my respect for the Malaysian police force in general.

Years later I had the "privilege" to experience police corruption at work after I was stopped for using the handphone whilst driving. My fault of course, and out of fear, I accepted the offer to bribe after he falsely threatened me that my driving license would be revoked on the spot and my driving privileges will be suspended for months pending hearing in court when in truth I would just be issued a summon. I lost RM100 in the process and feeling dirty having participated in the illegal transaction. Last year in May I was also summoned without notice after I was given warning that I cannot drive in a taxi/bus lane near KLCC. I only found out I had a summon after a colleague checked my record online, much to my disgust.

And who doesn't know that our police is already well known for inefficiency? I am sure anybody who had the unfortunate need to report a crime or IC loss will know. My ex had his house broken into once, and all they did was come around few hours later, look around half-heartedly and take a few statements. All that CSI thing you see on TV? I am beginning to wonder if it really does exist. If you are one of the common folk like me, don't expect to ever recover your stolen property, not unless you're a Datuk or Tan Sri, of which a suspect (or scapegoat) will definitely be in hand within the next 48 hours.

Having said that, I am sure they are a few dedicated men of law out there, just that the bad probably outweighs the good. If they are unhappy being underpaid then by all means go do something else. The rest of us have to deal with being unhappy with our jobs, I don't see why we have to deal with their disgruntled manners as well.

What Logic?

2008-01-15T20:57:00.000-08:00

There are things that people sometimes which just defies common sense and logic. Here are some that I come across everyday:

The McDonald's Drive-Through

So the purpose of a drive-through is for a speedy take-away without getting down from the car right? I actually experimented with this after what I thought was a rather lengthy wait in the drive-through. One day during a particularly long queue at the drive-through, I decided to just park my car and get my take-away right at the counter instead. Before I went in, I marked a car in the queue just to see who would be faster, me or the car. 5 minutes later I came out with my order and the car? Still where it was with the driver none too wiser. From that day onwards, no more drive-throughs for me, unless I am pretty sure there was no queue.

The Queue

There will always be those who ladle their food in tiny portions while the long queue at the back of them gets frustrated at their apparent slowness. Why not just take a big scoop and get EXACTLY the portion you want instead of taking it in tiny bits? And speaking of McDonald's earlier, there are also always those who would never consider about what they are ordering while lining up and then proceed to frustrate others at the back when their turn comes by asking, "Uhhh... how big your burger ar??".

The Reverse Parkers

It's quite a common sight to find people do reverse parking in shopping mall car-parks. Never mind that they drive huge big ass clumsy cars which are way too big for them, they also take a hell of a long time going back and forth several times before their car moves into the parking space. I have questioned several of my friends on why they choose to reverse park instead of just driving in head first. Usually the reply would be, "It's more easier for me to come out later". From my own personal experience?

Time it takes to reverse park = 30 - 60 seconds depending on how skillful you are
Time it takes to drive out a car which had been reverse-parked = 10 seconds

Time it takes to drive a car in directly = 10 seconds
Time it takes to drive out a car which had been direct parked = 20 seconds

Seriously.

In Memoriam

2007-12-27T08:46:00.000-08:00

Benazir Bhutto
1953 - 2007

My Personal "A Christmas Carol"

2007-12-18T19:16:00.000-08:00

Despite my rants about almost ending up with a Christmas tree, I still eventually ended up with a 5 feet monstrosity last week; barely 24 hours after snubbing Christmas. I must admit it does light up an otherwise empty corner in the living room. Less than a week later, the lights stopped working like they were intended and starting flashing harshly in an alarming manner. So that means more money needs to be forked out for new lights. Altogether I spent less than RM150 on a religious holiday that wasn't even mine to celebrate. But that's alright, I thought, maybe I just needed to get into the spirit of things and be a little less Ebenezer Scrooge for once. I had been disillusioned with Christmas since I outgrew my childhood. I think it started with the day my mom refused to put up the Christmas tree anymore which I believe is still in storage somewhere in the attic storage, being a gecko maternity hospital judging from the eggshells we find there each year when we do open the box.

"It would just be a fur trap," she said. The three dogs who were the main culprits for the furballs had long since passed on. The current two, one is practically a walking mop and the other had hair too short to gather furballs. Still, the old plastic tree stayed where it rests today - its memory so dim I could hardly remember how it looked like other than the fact it was probably colourful and tacky due to lack of a theme. So perhaps it was in memory of this forsaken childhood tree that I set the current one up in my present home. And that my folks is the allegory of the Ghost of Christmas Past paying me a visit.

So since now I have a tree, I thought perhaps I should expand on it and go on with the pot-luck party which I had been half-heartedly planning since 2 months ago. So for once maybe I could break a successive chain of depressive Christmasses by livening it up with friends. I even had a wonderful idea of using the tree to start a Christmas tradition for years to come. Maybe everyone could bring a special ornament of their own to put on the tree each year to mark their attendance. So gleefully I shared my idea with friends, but much to my dismay, all but one so far was enthusiastic about the idea. ONE. So screw you, Ghost of Christmas Present. Anybody thinking of making this idea of mine work, let me know. But please don't do this out of sympathy - I'm doing this to bring friends together and as a thanksgiving of sorts for each other. With Christmas looming less than a week away, I have a feeling that tree is going to stay empty for this year.

And if the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come decides to pay me a visit, I am slamming a spade flat out on his f*cking boney face.

Stupid Tree Hugger

2007-12-12T19:18:00.001-08:00

My favourite love-hate season is around the corner. I love it for the cosy and nostalgic mood it evokes and I hate it because I can never get cosy and the nostalgia makes me depressed. It's Christmas time folks, the season where everybody celebrates a holiday that nobody truly remembers what for. Originally to commemorate the birth of Christ whom bible historians believe was not even really born on December, 25th but probably somewhere in July. But thanks to the manipulations of the church, it was somehow moved to coincide with pagan winter festivals - probably to con pagans into converting. Seriously, so men gets to decide the Son-of-God's (who is suppose to be God's embodiment in the flesh but if that is the case why is God his own son?) birthday now? That aside, what are we really celebrating in Christmas anyway? I think Santa Claus and his gay elves are higher on the popularity list compared to Jesus on a holiday to remember his own birth.

Sorry, I am rambling and diverging from the original topic. Last night after feeling relatively disappointed and neglected over some issues, out of an inexplicable urge I almost ended up with a faux Christmas tree. For some reason I always liked these holiday monstrosities that cost a bomb and is only displayed once a year before being relegated to some obscure corner of the storeroom till one year later. I had the freaking 5 feet thing in my arms and was practically shopping for trimmings before I came to my senses. What the hell am I to do with a Christmas tree in a tiny suburban flat where pathetically single me lives alone and nobody ever bothers to visit (except when it suits their convenience)? I WASN'T EVEN A CHRISTIAN! I chucked the bloody thing in disgust back into its bin and got away from it as far as possible before my senses threaten to lapse again. Bear in mind I was at it for a full 30 minutes before logic finally surfaced.

I love/hate Christmas. It makes me feel funny. I don't like feeling funny. It's a time that makes me feel like spending quality time with loved ones when I would rather be left alone. The sight of Christmas trees makes me sigh, and then I feel like torching every single one I see with a flamethrower. It's the time of the year when my bed feels empty the most. What am I doing on that ruddy day? Screaming at gym members to pedal faster. Here's another Merry F*cking Christmas to me.

You Got Served

2007-12-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Seriously, after dozens of times being regularly taken for granted I rarely ever take it to heart. And I am beginning to feel like a total idiot. I have a friend who has a bad habit of making me look like a gate-crasher by making me go to functions, gatherings and parties which I am not invited to. I have my suspicions on his intentions of doing so, but I shall not elaborate. Usually I will turn up, despite huge misgivings and much protest, solely because I take the role of "friend" way too seriously. So most of the time I end up in events where I stood up like a sore thumb with most attendees wondering why I was even there in the first place among unfamiliar peers - possibly questioning amongst themselves if I was actually even invited. Out goes my dignity through the window like a ready whore with legs akimbo.

And so came one day when I decided he should return the favour, though not in the same manner as gate-crashing. It was just doing something for someone he knew anyway. And the reply I got was:

"No. He asked you not me."

The very same words I use - every time he cajoles me into gate-crashing. Suffice to say, I wasn't amused. Snapping back would be pointless since he would just go on the defensive and behave like I just had something sandpaper-y and hard shoved up my ass and not worth paying any attention to. Someone just put me out of my misery already.

You.Complete.Meme.

2007-10-24T19:30:00.000-07:00

I am bored so sue me. There's work to be done but I can't haul my sorry ass to finish it. Give me a break.

1. I've come to realise that my last kiss was one that I did not mean.

2. I am listening to the dead silence of the office and some chinese song playing on my colleague's pc.

3. I talk only when the key fits. At other times I have been said to be cold as ice.

4. I love not having to care about anything if I could.

5. My best friends are are people whom I could talk to. Not necessarily close, it's just that they have been around for a long time.

6. My car is a small affair but it gets me places.

7. My love life is like Ally McBeal, which spells comically tragic.

8. I hate it when people ask or spread rumours about my love life. Often I hear fantastical stories of my exploits which surprise even myself.

9. Love is something I hardly can remember anymore. I often live in fear that I will never love again.

10. Marriage is farcical and a relationship with guarantees of payback when it ends.

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking about me in a fond manner but I am thinking about running away.

12. I'm always fantasizing of a better life.

13. I have a secret cheesy crush on someone at the gym who can barely speak English.

14. My cell phone is mostly silent and is an irritant mostly because of unwanted messages and calls.

15. When I wake up in the morning,I always feel like I have died a little in my sleep.

16. When I go to bed at night, I wish I can have some peace of mind.

17. Right now I am thinking about what a troubled person I am.

18. Babies are, smelly weird pudgy creatures which may or may turn into a good looking person.

19. I get on MySpace, only to find that it's such user-unfriendly piece of trash.

20. Today I wish I could tell someone I do not love him.

21. Tonight I will probably be still thinking of the same thing.

22. Tomorrow I will be hoping that I could finally do it

23. I really want to feel at peace

24. Someone that will most likely repost this is someone who is just as bored as me.

Beauty & The Beast

2007-10-09T19:37:00.000-07:00

It pays to be pretty. When you're good looking, you simply can do no wrong, even if you're a serial child molester who dines on your neighbours' pets. It is not unusual to find a pretty boy ranting on his blog about "all the injustices of the world" and the mindless fans from near and far who quickly rally on his comment string to offer their support and sympathies. All in hopes of either consciously or unconsciously getting into pretty boys pants. Pretty boy's dilemmas by the way will usually consist of trivial things like:

"Oh why does no one understand the poor little ugly boy behind this pretty face?"
(To which fans will usually will attempt to dispel pretty boy's "insecurities" by telling him how pretty he is inside out)

"Oh why does no one like me?"
(Yeah right!)

"Yeer, I have a pimple on my face... not pretty anymore liao"
(Again fans will rally to comfort pretty boy on how he is still pretty to them)

And they can write the most outrageously pretentious poetic rubbish that no one really understands but yet fans will nod approvingly and praise pretty boy on how intelligent and talented he is. I am tempted to cut and paste examples of such comments here but that would be an act of provocation so I will just have make do with general examples. Trust me, the things that pretty boys' fans say are so cliched they make Jack and Rose believably tragic.

I will not deny that I get envious at times from how pretty people seem to get all the good attention so it tends to raise my hackles whenever pretty people start complaining about their love lives when they could almost easily have whoever they want by flashing their million dollar smiles. I have been known to my friends to be quite merciless with my comments, even if I happen to be dating a pretty boy. I simply refuse to fuel their need to have their egos stroked. You know you're pretty so shut up and be pretty. So when it comes to me, they are rather aghast and taken aback at my bluntness which is uncommon among their legion of fans. So yes, pretty boys don't expect me to offer you candy, but if you want to see the uglier side of life, baby, I'm your man.

Beyonce Shmyonce

2007-10-02T19:27:00.000-07:00

If I have to hear another queen whine about Beyonce canceling her scheduled concert in KL I will bust a nut. I don't give a rat's ass about whether or not the reasons she canceled was due to the government's strict dress code for stage performances. Don't get me wrong, I am not exactly fond of the government's dim-witted conservative backward mentality or the Muslim hardliners' fondness for women to be wrapped up like popiahs.

If you want to look at it from a religious point of view, seriously if God wants you to be all wrapped up He wouldn't have made Adam and Eve naked. Rather He would have made them equipped with unremovable jubahs and burqas. The whole concept of feeling shame of one's naked flesh came not from God, but from humankind's own incurable curiosity to disobey His strict orders not to eat from the Tree of Knowledge. And stop sneering you dumb male chauvinists, Eve didn't force the fruit down Adam's throat. The damn fool took it willingly. God didn't only throw Eve out, he threw BOTH of them out because both were equally guilty. And be reminded that men's first clothing were fig leaves, so all they covered were their privates, nobody said anything about hair, shoulders, knees or whatever.

In any case, I am rambling. Yes, I don't care if Beyonce is coming or not. I would not waste good money on that talentless over-the-top hack. I would pay to watch her tumble down 12 flights of stairs again though. I will pay extra if she lands flat on her face. Anyone who has to cancel their appearance because they are forbidden to flaunt and shake their boobies and booty on stage to cover up their lack of talent is better off not coming anyway. Tells you something doesn't it? Religious fanatics and Beyonce fans, don't bother arguing. You're dumb and I'm brilliant. Such narcissism, I know, Laynie would have been proud.

Me

2007-09-19T19:57:00.000-07:00

Most days I feel like I am constantly abusing or punishing myself for something. The only problem is I don't know what that something is.

Maybe it is for the one night stands which I thought will make me feel better but only made me feel worse.

Maybe it is for the times I could have made a difference in someone's life but I didn't.

Maybe it is just for the reason that I am never satisfied with myself.

Maybe it is just because I plain hate myself and I am constantly at war with my soul.

It is on days of such that I do impulsive things so that I don't have to look like myself. So if anyone is wondering about the dyed hair, there's your answer. Last Sunday after torturing myself in the gym, I decided I just decided I did not like the person in the mirror so I got a haircut and changed my hair colour. I don't feel like I am living for myself, like I am some perverted caricature person that my peers, family and society expect me to be.

And so I go on day after day denying myself the enjoyment of life. Little things I could always do to make myself feel better, like go on a holiday. But I keep telling myself I cannot afford it even though I know very well I could. It would set finances back for a few months but do I really need to be so thrifty? And there are the occasions that I keep feeding myself junk simply because I feel stressed and depressed only to regret it later on. All it takes is someone telling me that I have put on weight and I will feel like I have put on a 100lbs. Rejection makes me feel like I am unwanted and ugly. Acceptance fills me with dread and phobia.

Right now I just don't feel like doing anything. I know I am not happy but I don't know what can cheer me up. I just feel like going home, strip off everything and hide under the covers, sleep and never wake up.

Garden Of Souls

2007-09-18T01:49:00.000-07:00

People will say I am morbid but I love cemeteries. Sure they are places of death and mourning but they are also very peaceful. Back in my hometown, I used to live walking distance from a chinese cemetery probably as old as the town itself judging from some of the crumbling tombstones. It's a pity I don't know how to read chinese or I would know this for sure. There were evenings which I would spend jogging at the cemetery rather than the noisy human infested Lake Gardens.

Don't I find it scary? I guess not. In fact after a while, the dead almost seem like old friends with their familiar tombs. Like one of those crazy in your head moments from Six Feet Under where characters speak with the dead, you can almost imagine them lounging among their graves greeting you as you go by. I guess that is why some people call cemeteries, gardens of souls. Of course I have never seen anything out of the ordinary amidst the broken stones so I generally think the whole concept of cemeteries being horrible places is pure codswollop perpetuated by Hollywood horror films. Nothing much other than the occasional squirrel, some monkeys and yes, even farm animals like chickens, cows and goats live among the dead - which can be a real nuisance if you ever seen the size of cow crap.

I think jogging in the cemetery is among one of the things I missed the most after starting life in KL.

He Will Be Loved

2007-09-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

I must have at least seen this video a dozen times with no audio, thanks to Fitness First's Astro broadcast. For those who are not familiar with this, you have to plug in headphones to sockets mounted on the treadmills, steppers and exercise bikes to get the audio of at least six different channels that they have on different TV sets at the same time. Because I rarely if ever use the aforementioned machines I don't get to hear whatever I am watching, so using my imagination to fill in the gaps have become somewhat a norm.

So anyway this particular video tends to get a lot of airplay whenever I am either working out with weights or waiting to do my class. Every time I see it I've always wondered who the hot guy in the video was. Before you shriek how can I not know who that is, let me finish my story first OK? My imagination tends to lend him a deep sexy masculine voice not unlike that of Chris Daughtry or perhaps J.D. Fortune of INXS. The music, judging from the video, I would imagine it to be somewhat along the lines of INXS or U2. As for some reason I always seem to be missing out the credits displayed at the start or end of the video, I didn't even know what band or who the singer was.

OK now you can shriek at my ignorance. Only did I realise last night that I was oogling at the lead member of the band (for three months at least), whose music drives me up the wall and makes me switch stations everytime they play on radio - Maroon 5. I was oogling at Adam Levine, whose voice makes me want to strangle the owner. Seriously, it's a crime for such a handsome face to have such an irritating voice. It's like David Beckham, such a manly face (I still think he's gay though), but with a voice that induces an imagination of me slapping him repeatedly with my sandals. What... I never really liked them so I never did bother to find out how they all looked like OK? And despite the irony that I now find the lead singer highly attractive does not change my opinion that the music is like fingernails across a blackboard to my ears. Can God like switch his body with that of new INXS frontman J.D. Fortune? Don't get me wrong, J.D. Fortune is hot but looks totally gay. Besides I think that will make me appreciate Adam Levine more.

The Fool

2007-09-10T19:58:00.000-07:00

I don't know what has gotten into me or why I agreed to the date. Maybe it was at first I thought he was cute in picture and most importantly he had a nice personality. Then when I met him and he turned out not as cute as I thought he would be. But he could be, if I put him in one of my classes everyday for the next 3 months. I know, call me superficial but I think in recent years I have learned to accept that all living things are biologically superficial. It helps strengthen the gene pool. Natural selection favours the strong and the pretty, though being gay kind of negates that theory since we don't breed. We just imitate the act.

Anyway, I don't think I am ready after my disastrous attempt at a relationship 3 months ago. Considering the guy himself seems to able to talk about nothing but his ex. Who is he kidding, he is barely over his ex. Everything he liked about me, he compared to his ex, down to how my weight feels the same on his motorbike. Yes, he took me on a "joyride" on his motorbike. It was so romantic I could have threw up from how cliche it was but I felt nothing because I just didn't feel physically attracted to him. Being a piscean as well makes him a bit way too intense for my liking. I seem to have an affinity to these fish types and in the end they always make me feel like I want to go on a morphine induced coma for the rest of my life. The other thing being he didn't even realise he had a piece of vegetable stuck between his teeth for the whole duration of time he was speaking to me since dinner and that he forgot to zip his pants after a visit to the men's room. Me being too polite, just kept my mouth shut and had my Ally McBeal moments in silence.

Which boils down to the question, why did I even agree to it. Maybe I am being too nice to say no. I told him to expect nothing, that it was nothing but just a try at dating. It that warning enough? Or perhaps I am being too judgmental of his appearance to let it overshadow his nicer personality? So maybe I am not wrong to give him a small chance, right? RIGHT?

In Memoriam

2007-09-06T00:21:00.001-07:00

Luciano Pavarotti
1935 - 2007

Impermanence

2007-09-05T23:16:00.000-07:00

There is a scene from Neil Gaiman's Endless Nights (yes that is what my blog's name is based on) in the story Destruction on the Peninsula, where an archaeologist often have visions of a post apocalyptic hell in which everything is in ruins and every person on the street was dead and decomposing. For the past week since Robin's death I have often returned to the memory of his disturbingly "restored" corpse lying in the casket. I am no stranger to the topic of death but it's often like a revisit through an old photo album of the subject whenever someone close passes on. And then I imagine the body decomposing underneath the silent earth in its claustrophobic box. In the enclosed oxygen deprived environment it would probably mummify. In a few years, the casket will eventually give way to rot, finally allowing further decomposition to continue. In a decade or so, nothing left but bones. In a few hundred years, the gravestone would have weathered, perhaps rendering the identity of the grave occupant anonymous. A thousand years, nothing more than graying bones. All those who have lived with his memory had long since been lost - me included.

I stepped into the gym and after a grueling workout, I stood on the balcony surveying the floor. Overweight people huffing and puffing on the treadmills while the others half-heartedly heaving on the various exercise machines. Their personal trainers stood by, goading them on. Pretty people with their fine sinewy bodies effortlessly punishing their bodies to further perfection. Suddenly before my eyes, all of them became decayed corpses, dead, jaws slack and opened - worm food. As pretty as we are now, we will all come to the same destination eventually. Death waits at the crossroads with a patient smile. I echoed her smile.

The Wake

2007-08-28T19:17:00.001-07:00

To me it is always a good thing to die young, however it is a tragedy for those you leave behind, I mean if you really do go somewhere when you die. Nowadays I must say my faith in the afterlife is not too strong. For some reason I am surrendered to the notion that when the heart stops and the brain dies, that's it. No light at the end of the tunnel, just nothing. The person we once were is just snuffed out to make way for the next generation. Yesterday's leftovers in the cycle of life.

Whatever my beliefs are, young deaths are never easy to accept, as in my cousin's case. I will not relate the cause of death but I would say in my personal opinion, was senseless. Funerals are for the living and so family and friends gathered last night, or at least those who could come anyway. I am never one too keen on family gatherings but being one who valued familial bonds I was compelled to attend the wake. What can I say? In reality, wakes of those who die of natural causes are rarely ever sombre. Mildly depressing maybe but never sombre. In a way they are no different from weddings, there are laughter and there are tears. Mostly tears but the laughter is always present. Most of all you find revelations and questions about the deceased that no one ever spoke of before.

I was pretty hesitant to view the casket and I knew I would regret it when I did but I went ahead with it anyway. And as I anticipated I did regret my decision. When the person is gone they just cease to be the person that you know. That was not the cousin I know lying in that wooden box. No offence Robin but we should sue the funeral director for the poor caricature they made of your body. One of the cousins commented he looked happy, I begged to differ. Maybe it was an act of self reassurance, but he certainly didn't look happy to me. The photo of him laughing on display, now that is him. Speaking of not happy, I immediately found myself whored to eligible female friends of his sister whom I am close with, much to my chagrin. But it wasn't a night to take centerstage so I held my tongue and led myself to be introduced as the eligible "good looking cousin".

I am most concerned for my aunt. Her hair is already too white for her age. Losing my uncle was one thing, but losing my cousin was probably a blow to her that I couldn't even begin to imagine. The old should never have to send off the young. The funeral is today but I am not attending due to work commitments. Why do I feel so guilty?

In Memory of Robin

2007-08-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

Eat My Ass

2007-08-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

Normally my only reaction to Axcesticon is a roll of eyes or a snort of contempt at yet another attempt to glorify gayness. Last year's was pretty cheesy at most. This time around, my eyes nearly fell out of their sockets when I logged in and was greeted by this picture. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean it in a good way. Can someone point out to me what's wrong with this this picture? What they heck, I will say it anyway. If I were the guy in the middle I would be totally terrified that I have a perverted looking character peeling my pants and looking mighty pleased like as if he was about to eat my ass.

Seriously, no offence to any of the contestants, but if I found out that I am being portrayed like a pervert about to chew someone's ass I would go all out to block this image from ever seeing the light of day. Murder, if that is what it takes. It's not even pornographic. It's just plain salah.

Well Blow Me...

2007-08-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

The amazing Annie Lennox is back! Her PR machine clicked into high gear today and it was formally announced that the singer's new album is titled "Song Of Mass Destruction" and will be out in stores on October 2.

Click on the image above to get a better view of the very theatrical and slightly eerie cover art for the new album.

Highlight on "Song Of Mass Destructions" is the song "Sing" that includes Madonna, Sarah McLachlan, Celine Dion, Fergie, Faith Hill, Pink, Dido, Gladys Knight, kd Lang, Angelique Kidjo, Bonnie Raitt, Shakira, Melissa Etheridge, Anastasia, Joss Stone, KT Tunstall and many others.

The song was inspired by Annie's involvement with Nelson Mandela's 46664 and Treatment Action Campaign (TAC) organizations fighting for human rights, education and health care for those affected by the HIV AIDS virus. (Kudos to Matt for having the scoop a few weeks ago and giving me heads up.)

Read the entire press annoucement about "Songs Of Mass Destruction" after the jump.

NEW ALBUM “SONGS OF MASS DESTUCTION” TO BE

RELEASED OCTOBER 2nd 2007.

"I feel closer to my own cutting edge than before and my voice seems to be in it's prime" - Annie Lennox

(NEW YORK) - July 18, 2007 - Multi-million selling, iconic artist Annie Lennox will release her fourth solo album, “Songs Of Mass Destruction,” on October 2nd, 2007 through Arista Records. The album was recorded in London, Los Angeles and Miami with veteran producer Glen Ballard (of Alanis Morissette’s 'Jagged Little Pill' fame).

In a career that has spanned over 25 years, including the 15 years since Annie released her first solo album, Diva, no other British female artist has achieved so much recognition. Over 78 million in global sales, and 33 hit singles compliment the 4 Grammies, 11 BRITS, 5 Ivor Novellos, the Oscar, and the 2 Golden Globes amongst other accolades.

“Songs Of Mass Destruction” showcases an artist who is unafraid of pushing boundaries and challenging herself. Annie delivers thought provoking and intelligent lyrics matched with her distinctive pop sound. She says that this album is the closest she’s been so far to that authentically raw and emotional place, infused with the contrasts of beauty, yearning and sadness. The result, from the haunting introductory song, 'Dark Road' to the closing epic, 'Fingernail Moon', is a sumptuous musical soundscape within which Annie's soulful voice shines and soars.

In addition to being an incredibly successful artist, Annie is a celebrated activist and humanitarian. The new album features the soaring and powerful feminist anthem 'Sing', born out of Annie's involvement with Nelson Mandela's 46664 and Treatment Action Campaign (TAC) - organizations fighting for human rights, education and health care for those affected by the HIV AIDS virus. The track 'Sing' features 23 of the most recognized and successful female solo artists in the world, invited by Annie, to raise awareness and finances for TAC initiatives. Included among the group are superstars such as Madonna, Sarah McLachlan, Celine Dion, Fergie, Faith Hill, Pink, Dido, Gladys Knight, kd Lang, Angelique Kidjo, Bonnie Raitt, Shakira, Melissa Etheridge, Anastasia, Joss Stone, KT Tunstall and many others, as well as TAC activist members own vocal group known as 'The Genetics', whose CD of music inspired Annie to make 'Sing' a reality.

This article is lifted from arjanwrites music blog.

Oh I can hardly wait! She sounds absolutely great with her new single Dark Road which seems a return to prime after her dismal sounding last album Bare!

A Comparison

2007-08-09T19:25:00.000-07:00

A topic that I have often discussed with friends is why gay relationships usually fail in comparison with straight relationships. Not to say our straight counterparts have it any easier, they probably have their own troubles as well. So what is it that makes straight relationships last longer in comparison to our often two months flings? Here's an easy pictorial journey:

In an average heterosexual's life:

The teenage years

The adult years

Marriage

Pregnancy

Family life

The kids grow up and have their own families

And then they grow old together

In an average homosexual's life:

First year of coming out

...average of 10x during the first year

5 years in the gay scene

...already lost count after the second year

10 years in the gay scene

...no longer counting

30 years in the gay scene

No more "I love you's"... (At 50 years)

Your funeral, and that's the only guy who ever loved you but you didn't realise attending in drag

Any questions?

Scout's Honour

2007-08-06T21:02:00.000-07:00

I remembered the time I was passed over from being selected for scouts. It was back in primary school and I was given a miss over the excuse that the quota is full. Right, what rubbish. In any case, I wasn't overly disappointed, considering the scout teacher was a total psycho case. If he was still a teacher today I think he would have long since found himself behind bars for abuse and assault. Seriously back then, Mr. Psycho had a reputation for excessive use of force. Rumour had it that he had drew blood before from past students and that his wife left him because of spousal abuse.

Anyway, bitter and disillusioned about being rejected from the "exclusive boys' club", I ended up becoming a member of the St. John's Ambulance instead. Go ahead, laugh and call me a fag. In times of emergency, a medical officer can strip anyone of their rank for being medically incompetent and take charge. Take that you testosterone filled brats. In any case, the scouts are not as manly as one would assume. The founder, Robert Baden-Powell was speculated to be a repressed homosexual who often praised the male anatomy and denigrated the female one. He also enjoyed seeing his underlings stripped down for a swim and had a special youthful "friend" whom he fondly refers to as "the boy". So the next time you scout boys think you're so manly, just remember you had your origins as an old pervert's fantasy.

A Message From The Dark Side There Is...

2007-08-05T22:39:00.001-07:00

I am not as guiltless and righteous as I may seem most of the time to most people. More than often many have had the notion that just because I rarely seem interested in the issue of coupling means I rarely if ever participate in carnal desires. I had my fair share of empty passions, usually to just temporarily fill a void. But no, this does not happen often, and I can still count such encounters with one hand thankfully. As are all one night stands, the remedial effects usually last as long as the act itself. After which, leaves one feeling more empty than ever and at worst, bring undesired attention later on.

Retribution finally caught up me this morning when I was rudely awoken at 6am by a message alert which all my friends know is a loud Yoda declaring, "Mmmm... a message from the dark side there is...". It couldn't be more appropriate. Turns out the message was from someone I did the dirty with over a year ago as fuck therapy after having my heart broken. Let's call this someone, "Ray". After having slept with Ray twice and toyed with the idea that maybe we could see each a regularly (though knowing for sure that the idea was as stupid as putting a can in the microwave), I cut off contact with him after a brief period of silence led him to not remember who I was on MSN. Talk about major blow to the dignity. So imagine my surprise at the message this morning. Ray wants someone to hug him because he is feeling the blues. This one will go down in my books as the most odd request made the most odd hour. Certainly one does not message a fling from a year ago for hugs after a long period of silence do they? It is almost an invitation for a bitch slap.

However ever the nice person, I just told him to just go to sleep and he will feel better when he wakes up and left it just at that. Bewildered by the strange exchange, I could no longer go back to sleep. It's one of those days when I wish my life was a lot more simpler, where I live in Tuscany with dogs and an olive orchard and my neighbours are weird Italians who are forever jolly and eccentric.

BEEFCAKE!!!

2007-08-01T00:56:00.000-07:00

7 months ago I hauled my sorry ass for a long delayed trip down to Singapore for the first time in almost 20 years and I returned with this book.

Honestly, I haven't heard of Vincent Ng until I saw this book. Supposedly he is a former national athlete in Singapore and is currently now a MediaCorp artiste. Actually I don't know if I should use the word "artiste" considering most reviews about him speaks of how he acts like a block of wood and the only saving grace about him are constant scenes of him topless. I admit, my shallowness got the better of me when I bought the book but I did rant for a long time I wanted to work towards achieving a body like Mr. Ng. The book is a hoot, with language an amateur could beat without trying. But what healthy hot-blooded gay male wouldn't give in to such wanton display of muscular man flesh, right? RIGHT??

7 months later and I am nowhere near this. Don't blame Vince's book though, I am not exactly the most disciplined person when it comes to eating but yet I work out more religiously than religion. One of the reasons why my recent attempt at a relationship failed was because I preferred working out to paktor-ing. When I tell people I am a gym instructor, the first reaction I usually get will be, "Wow, you must have six packs!". Yes I do have six packs, but they come in a convenient bargain of ONE large pack. OK maybe I am being a bit too modest, it's not exactly a large pack but it is not definitely something I would flaunt around shirtless without sucking in my breath. RPM everyday takes a chunk out of my attempts to bulk up but the good side of it is that it keeps me on the lean side, except again, on the abs part.

So now on the seventh month of owning the book and leaving it languishing at my bedside, I am finally making yet another attempt to turn myself into a Vincent Ng clone, just his body that is, heaven forbid, not his wood block acting skills and horrible England. As I told rpmnut, he can't act to save his nuts.

Good luck to me. For the amusement of my readers, here is an excerpt of an interview with Vincent Ng just to show that the only desirable part about him is his body.

Q : Which muscle best describes who you are and why?
Vincent: “I guess it might be my stomach muscles. Most people I meet in photo shoots normally ask me how I achieve my abs but I actually don’t do much to achieve my six-pack. If you ask me which muscles I like best in my body, I’ll say my back muscles; I think they are neglected hahah!” His manager muttered to us nonchalantly: “Aiyah, Vincent can get a six-pack just by sneezing!” Hahah!

Q : Did you go for any waxing or body hair removal for the photos in the book?
Vincent: “Never.”

Q : Weren’t you worried about any hairs peeking out?
Vincent: “They (the photographers) did find a nipple hair lah… the hair on my right nipple is quite long lah… but it can’t be seen in the photo.”

Q : What about the lower part of your body? After all, you wore only briefs in some photos.
Vincent: “No mah… can’t be seen… ok lah… it’s quite well-hidden. I tucked in everything.” (Stifled chuckles all around at Vincent’s choice of words)

Q : Well, did you trim yourself?
Vincent: “A bit lah… nothing drastic… I tucked most of them in lah…”

Elliot Almighty

2007-07-22T20:57:00.000-07:00

Now what would happen if God in the guise of Morgan Freeman decides to grant me omnipotent powers to teach me a lesson due to my discontent towards life in general. I would say it would be His biggest mistake after Lucifer... and humans. OK, before I get trashed for being sacrilegious, this entry is not meant to offend the Almighty. Honestly if I were a god, mankind would tremble in fear. They would be sacrificing everything from their pets to their children in hopes of placating my wrath. For one thing I would have no qualms about making dramatic appearances and demonstrating my awesome powers to terrorise mankind into submission.

Forget burning bushes, angels, prophets and saints, I would be making personal appearances Godzilla style. I would smite disbelieving humans in an overkill display of godly powers.

Puny human: You're not God... you're a MONSTER! I don't believe in you!!!
*KRAKOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!*
*Puny human disintegrates in a pile of cinders*
Spouse of puny human: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
*KRAKOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!*
*Spouse of puny human also disintegrates in a pile of cinders*
*Laughs maniacally*

I would be parting traffic jams like the Red Sea everyday on my way to work, or rather I would just blast them out of my way. Wait, why would God even need to work? On the good side, there would be no extremism because zealots would be too busy worshiping me in terror, of which there would still be no respite anyway because I would still be busy zapping at random just because I like doing it. Why bother worshiping then? Don't do it and I still smite the poor sods with a giant fist from the heavens. I will erase the troublesome Middle-East with but a stroke of my thumb and turn everyone there gay just because it seems ironically amusing to me. I will turn all the Chinese into tree hugging hippies and the Americans into fabulously campy cross dressers. FEAR ME!!!

Unfortunately, it is just another boring week day in the office, and God I am not. But one can still daydream no?

Harry Potter & The Gay Innuendos

2007-07-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

I was among the throngs of Dementhors... excuse me, demented people who embraced the throngs to watch the fifth big screen adaptation of Devil's henchwoman... I'm sorry, J.K. Rowling's piece of hacked-up cat furball of a book, Harry Potter & The Order of the Phoenix. My question is, what order? Judging from my none too kind opinion, I am sure one would have already guessed without much difficulty that I am not much of a fan of the geeky one who survived because some baddie without a nose didn't have much sense to use more traditional methods to murder a baby instead of sticking a wand where it didn't belong.

Sean had to bribe me with this to watch the movie

But anyway, back to the question, yes, what order? I don't know if it was because the original plot of the book was heavily condensed for the motion picture, but it sure fits poorly especially when the aforementioned order only makes up less than 10 minutes of screen time. That refers too to the ensemble of Oscar winners and nominees and A-grade thespians who make an appearance. One would wonder what Emma Thompson's Sybill Trelawney or Maggie Smith's Minerva Mcgonagall was doing in there or Helena Bonham Carter's Bellatrix LeStrange too other than to screech wildly before despatching Gary Oldman's Sirius Black (which I understood had fans protesting and sobbing buckets). And if anyone is thinking Ralph Fiennes' Voldermort is the main villain, you are gravely mistaken. In fact he just ends up looking retarded with every close up, noseless. What a waste of Mr Fiennes' good looks. The honor instead goes to the annoying Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton), whom I must praise, made the character absolutely hateful. Enough to make you wish you did not have to tolerate another appearance of her pussy obsessed character.

Other than that, the whole movie was just nothing more than a rollercoaster of amusement decked with all the trappings of yet another Hollywood blockbuster, nothing more. I thought it had plots and effects shamelessly stolen from Star Wars and Lord of the Rings. What kept me entertained was the variety of unintentional (or was it?) gay innuendos riddled throughout the movie, including Sirius Black's unabashed gushing and adoration for Harry's late father James Potter. Albus Dumbledore's last line, "I care for you too much, Harry" had me in stitches. I am sure you do you dirty old fucker.

This Episode Has Been Brought To You By The Number 4

2007-06-26T00:57:00.000-07:00

Hooray, I am slapped with a meme. Finally, fun with questions.

4 jobs I've had in my life:

1. Promoter - For one month during my third year in university, I was one among the slaves who toil at one of the great monuments of capitalism that is Mid Valley Megamall. Until today I have great empathy to these frontline cannon fodders of those pretentious clothing brands. To this very day, I have a distinct hatred towards security guards of a certain departmental store for their anal ways. However, never since then have I had colleagues who were that fun to work with.

2. Multimedia/Web Designer - I am not sure you could even call this work. I was paid a measly RM700 the first month and then nothing for the next three. How I managed to survive that long surprises me to this day. I was young then and very much in love. Yes I worked with the ex, and the explosive confrontation in and out of the office shall forever scar my memory. But being trained in this line, I am still a web designer till the present.

3. Writer - This was one of the best jobs ever, great colleagues, great perks. Pity the evil fiend of a marketing director whom we are still in the middle of suing.

4. Group Exercise Instructor - A profession I accidentally stumbled upon, and never looked back since. I get paid to exercise and yell at people now who wouldn't want that?

4 movies I can watch over and over again

1. Under the Tuscan Sun - A chick flick with a not too conventional but idealistic love story loosely based on the book of the same name. Plenty of lovely Italian scenery.

2. Calmi Cuori Appassionatti - A multi-lingual love story starring Kelly Chen and Yutaka Takenouchi about a lover's tiff which separated a pair of lovers for 10 years and a promise to meet again at the Duomo in Florence. Soundtrack by Enya and yes, more love scenery of Italy.

3. The Sweetest Thing - A total no brainer romance-comedy with Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair that serves no purpose other than to make you feel good on your worst days.

4. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy - Do I need to explain this one?

4 places I've been on vacation

1. Singapore - I like this city state. It reminds me of Legoland.

2. Lang Tengah - A quaint little island on the east coast neighbouring Redang and Perhentian. I have always hoped to go back but haven't come about to doing that.

3. Langkawi - I thought it was nice the first time I went there, then it just lost its novelty the second time around. The best part of the whole trip was my mom's quest to locate her long lost landlord who kindly took her in during the days when she was a struggling trainee teacher sent to no man's land. Turns out missing landlord's family is now one of the richest on the island.

4. Melaka - Though I am just a mere one and a half hour's drive away from this place, the rustic feel of Melaka town never fails to calm me down. I had a totally tragic date which turned out to be one of the best there. I had not went back since the relationship turned ugly.

4 favourite foods

1. Yin Yeung
2. Braised Yee Mee
3. Jalan Gasing Chicken Rice
4. Just about any kind of fruits except durians and jackfruits.

4 favourite places I'd like to visit

1. Italy - refer to above.
2. Egypt - I am just dying to see mummies.
3. Greece - I am just dying to see who came after the mummies.
4. Europe - I am just a sucker for rustic European landscapes.

4 most overused words

1. "Sungguh!"
2. "OMG/Oh my God"
3. "Mahder (mother)"
4. "Kan ne... (Fuck...)"

4 TV shows I love

1. Ally McBeal - Do I need to say more?
2. All 3 CSI's - I just love those whodunnit series.
3. Star Trek - I can just re-watch these over and over again, except Enterprise, that one sucked.
4. Six Feet Under - There's something about this series that just keeps me hooked. Used to watch it with the ex. It took me over three years before I eventually went back to completing the whole series.

Nobody Sleeps

2007-06-15T00:39:00.000-07:00

And so I am back after almost a month on hiatus, not that I was really truly away anyway since I actually log on everyday, just that I never bothered to post anything. I really should be working but I am not and for what is worth, I don't really care. I hardly have time for myself nowadays. My house is in a bloody mess, and for some probably loneliness driven reason, I got myself involved with someone. Don't think I want to discuss this as of yet as I have no real vision of where this is headed but for once, maybe I am with somebody who likes me more than I like him. Could be a good thing, could be a bad thing, we shall see as time goes by. I don't know if I am feeling happy or not, but ever since falling out of a messy love affair over a year ago, I set my life on a fast pace and found it very hard to slow down since. Finding time to cultivate a relationship at the moment makes it feel like I drove right into traffic jam.

There are differences to work out which I have yet to overcome. Things which have I picked up along the way to keep me going which I am still reluctant to sacrifice to sustain a second person in my life. The ghosts of previously failed loves return to haunt me periodically though I might say they are more of an annoyance than a source of fear. I think I have become so jaded that the fear of falling out again seem trivial. However I have not found the generosity in me to forgive exes and former lovers. It feels remarkable to me sometimes how one can love and hate someone at the same time. Perhaps those two are the one and the same after all. Love is hate, hate is love. Without one, there is no other.

Of recent as well, I found myself mentioned in passing from someone's blog. A mention from a time when I spent hours on mIRC while I was in university because back in those days, internet was the only entertainment you could find. My university is located in what today I still term as Nuclear Holocaust. Nothing but barren red earth for miles. Buildings so sterile that algae wouldn't even grow on the walls. There are roads that abruptly end mid-air (I am not kidding). In any case, the location mattered little, it's a more decadent past I would rather put behind. I think my IRC nickname is still notorious till today, my dry humour and sarcasm in chatrooms coupled with a good command of English was often taken as a sign of arrogance by most. Then again it was an image I often encouraged. Still, it was pretty unnerving to see my nickname mentioned again after all these years since I retired mIRC. Even the chatroom in which I promoted my notoriety is no longer in existence. I often found it amusing that people often tried to put a face to that personality I cultivated online. More often than not, those who do eventually see the real me still maintain that impression from cyberspace. Cold, bitchy, arrogant, aloof.

Some things never change even if you do.

Madonna is Evil

2007-05-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

I have seen this video since some time back, but it only occurred to me recently how prophetic it might be. In any case, take a look at it first then you will know what I am talking about. Of course everyone remembered that infamous lesbian smooch between Madonna and Britney Spears. At that point of time, Madonna had just release her last single, "Hollywood" from her dismal album American Life. You would think her "Madgesty" had probably seen better days. Britney of course had yet to make her idiotic gaffs that had probably made immediate rival, Christina Aguilera, smirked with satisfaction.

Remarkably enough, not long after that Madonna made a spectacular comeback with Confessions On The Dancefloor while Britney's once glittering career was in ruins, spent on marrying obvious losers and making babies and also making a total ass out of herself. I also happened to read about an interview with Madonna on the gay magazine "Out" yesterday in where she tells her daughter Lourdes that the infamous liplock was some kind of "energy exchange" of sorts. Christ, everyone knows she's bitchy, but now she is just plain evil.

I almost feel sorry for Britney.

Almost.

Blow Hot, Blow Cold

2007-05-14T20:04:00.000-07:00

No you perverts, it's not a new form of oral stimulation. I am talking about the weather these past few weeks. During the day it's so hot that you can make a stew at the sidewalk. On second thought, better not, because you're likely to burn a hole in your pot. Then on occasions during the night, it begins to rain cats and dogs and a cow or two although the past few days we're seeing less of those.

Take last weekend for example, not only was it hot but I also had the pleasure of my mom's company yet again in less than a week since her last visit. So to top it off we had errands to run around town. The city was literally baking, even keeping to the shade was no respite. I think the worst part was sending her off at the Puduraya bus station. I think I sweat so much it made my sweating in RPM look like a light misting and believe me, I sweat A LOT. The bus station felt like a furnace and the jostling people and haggling conductors only further aggravated my stretched limit. But of course, due to the fact that it was my mother I had to play gallant and accompany her for an hour plus before her bus arrived, even when she told I can leave. When she finally got onto the bus, I think I almost ran to the refuge of my car air conditioner. I think I would have ran too if I didn't think it would make me even more hotter. When I finally got back after the long drive home (of which the car air conditioner did little to alleviate my condition), I thought I would never be that fast and happy to get out of my clothes - sexual situations exempted.

Late into the night however, a freaky storm started to rage around my area. All a sudden without a warning, winds started whipping the trees outside like as if they were going to get uprooted. For a second, I almost thought it would. Can't say much about the rain though. I think I have pee that comes out stronger than the trickle I saw last night.

Slogan This

2007-05-08T22:47:00.000-07:00

Did anyone notice the recent increase of cars with slogan stickers at the rear windscreen? You know, the kind usually with some witty words designed to either amuse or annoy the driver behind you. For me unfortunately, I fall in the category of the latter. At first it seem amusing because it was not exactly a common sight. Then some wise guy decided to mass produce the same lines and before you know it, everyone on the road has the same car stickers with the same annoying slogans. It often makes me want to make my own as a rebuttal to every one else's repetitive slogans. For instance:

"Little Kalifah on board" or other common variations of "Baby on board"
Reply: "I don't give a shit about that inbred retard you have on board"

"Honk if you're horny"
Reply: "I'll f*ck you if I'm horny"

"Not so close! I hardly know you!"
Reply: "Don't give yourself airs, now get out of my way bitch"

"You kiss, you pay!"
Reply: "I'll double the price, now suck my dick"

"Don't steal this car, the other other one is nicer..."
Reply: "I stole the other car and planted a bomb in yours"

So if you see a silver Kelisa come up behind you, do me a favour and remove the offensive piece of shit before I curse you down to seven generations.

Get Me A Dog

2007-05-03T19:12:00.000-07:00

I often find myself annoyed at people with indecisiveness about being attracted to me. Is it so hard to just say it instead of circling around me like a demented hyena? Worst still are people who do that but they haven't even met you. I am not going to explain this but in this day, that's how all gay romances seem to start - from the anonymity of the internet. I however being the old fashioned type deem this totally ridiculous though the younger me would have been totally into it. Anyway, such is a typical online conversation derived from one of the "demented circling hyenas":

Anonymous: Hi, what are doing home early?
Me: Why? Cannot meh?
Anonymous: No mah, you usually don't come online at this hour...
Me: I am not staying long, just checking my mail, then I am going to bed.
Anonymous: OK lor... better not disturb you then...
Me: Why? You have anything to say to me?
Anonymous: No wor... do you have anything to say to me?
Me: Nope.
Anonymous: OK lor, then good night la.
Me: OK, good night.

Ten minutes later...

Anonymous: Wei...
Me: Yes? What are you still doing here?
Anonymous: That's the same question I should ask you?

(Christ...)

Anonymous: When are you sleeping?
Me: Soon, in a few more minutes.
Anonymous: OK, then good night la...
Me: Good night.

Another ten minutes later...

Anonymous: Wei...
Me: Yes?
Me: Again?
Anonymous: Lucky you still haven't gone offline hehe.
Anonymous: Can I ask you something?
Me: Ask lor...
Anonymous: Last night I try to come online through my mobile, did you see me ar?
Me: I didn't come online last night.
Anonymous: Sure or not?
Me: Yes, I was watching TV.
Anonymous: So you didn't receive my message?
Me: If I did receive it I would have answered.
Anonymous: Sure or not? I am not VIP to you also.
Me: Yes, very sure.
Anonymous: OK lor, bye lah...
Me: Yes, bye... again. *Goes invisible*

Ten years of gay dating and I have come to these conclusions.

The ones you like will never like you back or will just date you half-heartedly and then dump you like a pair of ill-fitting shoes leaving you a brokenhearted mess. They will also leave you asking (as Vanessa Williams put it) "How could you give your love to someone else and share your dreams with me". They will treat you like their best buddy as they make constant use of you for their own contentment. Either way, you will always be the fool.

The ones whom are mutually attracted to you as you are to them will never confess and instead play a hide and seek game with you. When you eventually give up, they will come back to haunt you after a period of time asking (either you or mutual friends) why didn't you try to go further with them. Either that or they will make it seem like you've wronged them.

The ones that like you are never the types you want. Enough said.

I give up. There will never be any satisfaction or happiness to derive from the so called "other half" when it seems more than often a burdensome extension rather than the missing piece.

Pool Prodigal

2007-05-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

After a long absence, I have finally made a return to my favourite sport before gym came along and sucked up most of my evening hours: swimming. It took me much procrastination before I could make myself go again. It must have been at least over a year when I last visited the public pool, which is in Bangsar by the way and not the notorious Kelana Jaya one. Gym was not the primary reason that kept me away though. The last time I was there, a kid learning how to swim threw a tantrum in the pool and then proceeded to copiously puke his lunch at the poolside drain, much to the disgust of his instructor and my horror. The instructor then scolded him about how he is always puking at the pool. My eyes widened at the thought of the kid vomiting frequently at the pool. If you think that was bad, few minutes later he climbed out of the pool and relieved his bladder right at the same spot, without removing his trunks. And then he jumped right back in. The instructor appeared traumatised. I on the other had my last straw, and I couldn't evacuate from the pool fast enough. Either I could really smell the urea and puke or my mind was playing tricks on me. All the kid's unapologetic mother could do was chastise her kid in a way someone would to a cute puppy who made a mess.

"Sanjay! NOOOO! You shouldn't do that!"

OK well I don't think his name was Sanjay. I just used the name to emphasize on how Indian the whole exchange was. Anyway I was too traumatised at the thought of the contaminated pool, so I stayed away in what was initially just suppose to be a few months till the pool was cleansed. I did not relish the thought of visiting the cruisy Kelana Jaya pool or the freezing 3K indoor pool at Subang Jaya, so that brought me to the present - the return of the prodigal.

Now I chose the mid-afternoon hour because I thought that would be the time when fussy mothers would keep their pests hidden indoors in fear of the sun. Turns out I was wrong. What initially turned out to be just a family began to multiply to several menaces of all shapes and sizes. Obese children began jumping into the pool. Some of these obese kids had long trailing langsuir-like hair which threatened to choke the unsuspecting swimmer who swims too close. Some of these obese kids were also fully clothed despite written rules stating one should be in proper swimming attire. Soon after, the flabby uncles came along, followed by the inevitable hirsute Indian who looked like he was wearing a gorilla costume. Annoying children seem to be bumping into me on purpose despite me being stationary between laps and all their equally irritating mothers could do was smile encouragingly. It wasn't long before the whole pool began to resemble the aftermath of a tsunami. One hour and a few laps later, I found myself in gym again.

Oh well, at least I got a nice tan from it.

Soft Places

2007-04-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

Fourth Dream

I do not recall much about this one. Perhaps I took too long to record it. The earliest part I could recall from it was that I was catching the coverage of the end of the world on television. The world was strangely calm despite the knowledge that everyone was doomed. Suddenly I was in the scene on TV. I was at some beachfront. There was a huge manor facing it and there were people milling about on the beach. The weather was dreary. I knew it was cold, not because I felt it, but because it was snowing. Large snowflakes were falling from the dark skies. So large, you could see the patterns on them, yet they were falling ever so gently. Somehow I knew I was in England though I have never been there. The people were dressed in Edwardian styled clothing. All seem calm and collected, looking towards the sea. They were anticipating something, but what? Were they waiting for the world to end?

*missing memory*

It was no longer the end of the world anymore. Somehow the situation in the dream had transitioned. But I was still in England with my mom. I went off alone to walk along the streets. None of the buildings look familiar to me. I wanted to go to the beach but the beach was filthy. The water was murky and there were all sorts of debris washed up along the shore. All a sudden I was walking among bookshelves, and the street was no longer a street but it seem to be some kind of huge bookstore. On the shelves were a lot of art related books and magazines but all of them seem to be outdated. I couldn't remember the titles but I think one of them spelled, "How to Draw Couples in Love".

*missing memory*

Fifth Dream

*missing memory*

I was in some kind of meeting. I forgot what it was about but I was bored. I decided to escape to the washroom. I calmly went through the door that clearly said "GENTS" but strangely there were women inside of it. The women stared at me as if I was the intruder. I went back to the door again and it still clearly said, "GENTS". Another woman came through the door and she seem shocked to see me there, and then she became angry.

"What are you doing here?!" she asked angrily.

"This is the gents, I think you're in the wrong place," I answered.

"I don't believe you!" she replied back.

So I took her to the door and showed her the sign. She covered her mouth in embarrassment, and then she quickly left without another word. After a while, a guy came in, he looked pretty ordinary but attractive in a way. He smiled at me and made some small talk which I couldn't remember what. He asked me if I would like to do lunch with him and I agreed. We came out of the washroom and without surprise, it seem to lead right onto a street. It was suppose to be somewhere in KL, but it looked more like Singapore. I followed him as he lead the way. I knew he was interested in me. Halfway following him, I seem to find something wrong with my pants and I had to take them off. RIGHT ON THE STREETS! No one even seem to care or notice that I was standing there with my pants off in ridiculous looking boxers (though I don't wear boxers in real life).

I had to find a place to put my pants on again and I quickly darted into this shop. I couldn't really describe it, just that it looked more like some kind of emporium. So I slipped my pants on again but when I came out I had lost the guy. I didn't know how to find him again because I don't even have his number and he didn't have mine. I remember being only slightly disappointed.

*missing memory*

I was cycling home on a mountain bike. When I came home, my mom told me someone was waiting for me. There was someone lying on my couch reading. When I went around it, I saw it was the same guy I lost on the streets. He smiled, and somehow I thought it was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

"Hey!"

Somehow he had found my number through the newspaper which he showed me. That was when I realised that the number was not mine, and that I was not even myself. I was someone else.

Cheeky Cheeky

2007-04-26T18:53:00.000-07:00

Hitz.fm this morning was apparently clearing old hits from their database. These "old hits" were apparently none other than the audio terrorists of yesteryears. I am talking about songs like The Ketchup Song, The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum) and probably a host of other irritating lala beng "hits" like Macarena, Blue (Da Ba Dee) and God-knows-what-else. Notice how all the titles doesn't even seem to make any sense? The Cheeky Song? Touch My Bum? Why not Squeeze My Boobies while they're at it.

So anyway there I was arriving at the office and I was struggling to find my season parking pass while I opened my car windows. As I slipped the pass into the slot, I'd suddenly noticed to my horror, that Dr Bombay's Calcutta (a.k.a. Taxi, Taxi, Taxi) was playing relatively loudly on my radio. Loud enough for anyone within a 10 meter radius to hear. Nearby was a bank, a cafeteria and a restaurant. Right across the road was a school. I have inadvertently showed the world that I was a lala beng sans the multi-coloured bad hair and Harajuku fashion. Needless to say, I couldn't close the window fast enough to control the damage. And it didn't occur to me to just change the radio station.

Fuck.

Snakes & Ladders

2007-04-25T19:14:00.000-07:00

Third Dream

*missing memory*

I was in the gym. It was suppose to be Fitness First but it does not look like any of the Fitness First outlets I am familiar with. Someone who shall not be named was there but I do not look at him. Even in my dreams I have a dislike for him.

*missing memory*

I was walking to the locker and shower room. Like the rest of the gym it does not look familiar. I went to use the showers and it definitely looks unfamiliar. The shower stalls suddenly seem to resemble some kind of kampung house toilet. Yes, TOILET! In fact it seem more like the shower was a squatting toilet with the shower head right above. The toilet was filthy but I used it to shower anyway. Even stranger, the door seem to have some kind of netting where you can look out but people from outside can't look in.

*missing memory*

We had left the gym. I don't know who "we" were but they seem to be my friends. Only one of them was someone I know; Manny, a fellow instructor from the gym. We were going up this house on the hill. I don't know whose house it was or why we were going there. Funny thing in dreams you don't ask questions such as these, you just do what you have to do. The house was just an ordinary house, not big, not small either. In the house's grounds were a lot of snakes, but I didn't know this yet until we reached the gate, and someone yelled and ran. And then I saw it, one of the snakes, it reared its head aggressively and hissed at me. I jumped around to avoid it. That's when I noticed there were dead snakes all around. Some bloodied, some mutilated, some dismembered. I ran clumsily to avoid stepping on the gruesome sight all around me. An intruder had killed the snakes. Suddenly we were all on guard. I picked up a stick and from the hand of one of my companions I grabbed what seem to resemble a part of a broken umbrella. I was wielding it like as if it was some kind of lightsaber.

"I think you would need something stronger than that," Manny said, gesturing at my pathetic looking stick.

"It's ok," I replied quite confidently.

As we progressed cautiously towards the house, someone had swept away all the corpses of the snakes. Two of us finally reached the opened front door, and I went for the nearest room. I threw open the door and swung my "weapon" around offensively and yelled, "FREEZE! DON'T MOVE!". But in the room was just a half-dressed guy and I somehow knew he was a tenant of the house.

"What...?!" he replied, obviously shocked at my intrusion.

I did not answer him and proceeded to check the rest of the house. I knew whoever killed the snakes was gone. Suddenly I was sitting down, with both my parents on either side of me. From the top level of the house, a group of blonde young girls in very girlish dresses came trooping down but there were no stairs, just half-completed metal ladders. When they came to the unfinished rung, they just made a huge leap down and landed neatly on their feet. Though I never seen them in my life, I knew they were daughters of a friend who lived in the house.

My father said, "It would be good to have some young children in the house."

"Not unless they are yours," my mother quipped

"Just try to think about when we were young," I said.

And then I woke up.

In Memoriam

2007-04-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

Boris Yeltsin
1931 - 2007

Dream Log

2007-04-22T05:18:00.000-07:00

First Dream

In my dream he was going out with my ex. He was someone who completed my life a year ago, and then it ended against my wishes. My EX. Both of them were sitting side by side in this cafeteria place that I have never seen before but can only be conjured up in dreams.

"Yeah, they have been seeing each other," Vince suddenly told me. He just appeared out of nowhere in the way that is only possible in dreams.

Stab to the heart. I remembered trying to move out of sight.

*missing memory*

I was crying, and he was trying to comfort me. I didn't give a shit about the ex. But I was upset about him. He held me and told me not to cry. I think I wanted to tell him how much I still love and miss him but I can't remember if I did. But he didn't need to be told does he?

*missing memory*

I was in this place that resembled one of those ancient South American Mayan/Incan temple complexes. Some crazy priest was holding us prisoner. "Us"? "Us" was a group of people I don't seem to know. The crazy priest had opened a tomb and in it was the richly decorated skeleton of some long dead lord. He poured some flammable stuff into the tomb and said he was going to burn the remains, and when it is gone one of us will have to lie in the tomb. The person he referred to was specific, and it was this blond woman who was with us. Suddenly she was lying on the slab above the tomb, dressed in white. I knew I had to stop him. I picked up a stick and bludgeoned the crazy old man. Although he appeared affected by the blows he didn't seem injured, and then he said he would follow us.

*missing memory*

Second Dream

I was in this theatre. The kind where you do live plays in. I don't remember what we were discussing about but Nicholas Cage was among us. Not just ordinary Nicholas Cage, but an old Nicholas Cage. When we were done talking, I offered to walk Mr Cage to wherever he needed to go. I offered him my arm to hold and he gladly took it.

"I just watched one of your movies recently, Mr Cage," I said casually as he shuffled along.

"Oh really, which one?" he replied.

I found I couldn't remember the name of the movie and I was trying to describe it to him, and he passively suggested a few titles. None of which I remembered.

"The Vampire's Kiss," I suddenly remembered.

He just nodded absently.

When we reached our destination he said, "Next time, go watch something more worthwhile with your friends,".

I guess he didn't really liked that movie either. And "your friends"? I watched that movie alone.

Jack Ass

2007-04-18T20:20:00.000-07:00

"You had a hundred billion chances and ways to have avoided today. But you decided to spill my blood. You forced me into a corner and gave me only one option. The decision was yours. Now you have blood on your hands that will never wash off."

"Your Mercedes wasn't enough, you brats. Your golden necklaces weren't enough, you snobs. Your trust funds wasn't enough. Your vodka and cognac wasn't enough. All your debaucheries weren't enough. Those weren't enough to fulfill your hedonistic needs. You had everything."

Oh yeah, Mr Cho, you certainly made a point there. The point that you will be nothing more than the loser jack ass that you always were. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but the whole shooting incident at Virginia Tech, Blacksburg is absurd. Not that I am insensitive to the people who lost their lives and those who were affected by it. What kind of world have we come to where self righteous nerds go around shooting fellow students just because they couldn't get over their own angst. Seriously, evaluate it yourself, and you will realise the whole incident was stupid and sad to say, those 32 people died a meaningless death. There was no point to prove and there is really nothing to learn from it.

Few million years of evolution and here we are, buffoons who give way to their emotions to kill. So perhaps we are no different from our cousins at the lower end of the gene pool. At least animals kill to survive. This dim wit here killed because he doesn't have what other people have. Oh God, fucking get over yourself. You certainly did the right thing by killing yourself after your stupid deed. You're a waste of resources. The only tragedy is those other people have to die with you.

"Oooo... Lookit me, I am gonna blow my brains out because I can't be hedonistic like you!"

*Update

Colleague: Hey look, they have pictures of the Virginia Tech shooter online (colleague is rather slow with international news).
Me: It's been on since yesterday.
Colleague: Shit. (apparently shocked at the pictures)
Me: I think he looks like an idiot.
Colleague: Yeah man...

Enough said.

Awwwww...

2007-04-17T23:23:00.000-07:00

Now normally I am not a fan of animal movies. Why? Because they all tend to be stereotypical and tend to have scenes designed specifically to not only pull at your heartstrings but to forcefully yank at them till you are reduced to a wide eyed chibi going "Awwwwww...". But due to unforeseen circumstances, my intended purchase Perfume: The Story of a Murderer turned out to be a horribly censored copy with skips, so I ended up exchanging it for Charlotte's Web.

"What a huge difference!" said Sean.

Yes, from a pseudo-art movie about an insane body-odour obsessed killer to a good old-fashioned family movie designed specifically to make you go "Awwwww...". From the moment I set eyes on the DVD cover, I knew I was trapped.

Awwwwww...

Even the normally annoying Dakota Fanning who makes you want to bash her squealing character in War of the Worlds looks so sweet she makes you go.... yes you guessed it:

Awwwwww...

And who would have thought a villainous husband stealer like Julia Roberts who was so convincingly bitchy in Erin Brokovich could give life to the selfless spider Charlotte with her voice?

Awwwwww...

And all of the rest of the farm animals, voiced by such a star-studded cast which includes, Oprah Winfrey, Kathy Bates, Reba McEntire, Robert Redford, Steve Buscemi and John Cleese, they were simply adorable.

Awwwwww...

As expected, the ending just simply makes your heart bleed at the sheer goodness of the whole movie. Down to the closing credits with the theme "Ordinary Miracle" by my favourite artist Sarah McLachlan totally makes me go...

Awwwwww...

Play-Doh of God

2007-04-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

"BASEL, Switzerland (Reuters) - Steel and coal from the Titanic have been transformed into a new line of luxury wristwatches that claim to capture the essence of the legendary oceanliner which sank in 1912."

Are crocodiles scary? Maybe. Are tigers dangerous? Perhaps. Are sharks really bloodthirsty killers? Could be (although scientists say otherwise). But I think God made a mistake when he created humans. Or maybe He is just a Great Child who fashioned us out of cosmic Play-Doh and then like all children tend to be with a new toy, lost interest in us after a while. Over time, His creations ran amok on evolution, and one day decided to make watches out of the remains of a tragedy. No doubt if this happened in 1917, people of that era would have viewed it in bad taste. It would be like making toilet bowls out of ground up rubble of the World Trade Centre. 95 years from now this might just come true, and people of the future would worship the long deceased author of this blog as the new Nostradmus. But it would feel luxurious wouldn't it, crapping on the recycled rubble of America's "Greatest Tragedy" which probably contains miniscule remnants of its victims.

Speaking of human remains, anyone read about the company which could turn human cremains (that's the word for the remains of a cremated body) into a diamond? Yes folks, what they do is take your late grandmother's ashes and subject her carbon to intense pressure to artificially create a diamond. I can imagine the conversation now:

Dream guy: Hey, I have been watching you all night and I think you're hot.
Me: Oh gosh... hehe...
Dream guy: My name is [insert hot name] by the way, and I am wearing my grandmother around my finger.
Me: Uh... *stares at diamond ring in disbelief*

Or worse:

Dream guy: Darling, we have been together for some time...
Me: Yes?
Dream guy: Would you marry me? *on bended knee presenting diamond ring*
Me: OH GOD! YES YES YES!!! Oh baby, it's beautiful!
Dream guy: *Puts ring on my finger* I'm so glad you like it! It's made out of my grandmother by the way. Grandma, you look over my baby now.
Me: ...

It's like meeting the man of my dreams, and then meeting his beautiful pressurized grandmother.

Humans... joy.

Curse You Fetish Thieves

2007-04-10T19:21:00.000-07:00

I seem to have lost my pants somewhere in the gym. It's the second time this have happened. And these are one of my favourite Nike 3/4 tights which cost me RM100+ which I bought after much consideration about over a year ago. Not that someone pinned me down and removed my pants forcefully of course, but apparently I seem to have left them in the shower last week but did not notice the loss until I put away my laundry yesterday night. A call to the gym reception revealed there were no pants of that description in the lost and found. Which can only mean some dishonest sodding thief conveniently claimed it for his own. It makes me wonder what disturbed person would take someone else's intimate belongings, sweat-soaked ones at that. I do believe my underwear was still in them. It's like stealing someone's used tampon and using it...

I mean I can understand if someone was to just take your mp3 player or handphone but soiled pants, shoes, or any article of clothing is just plain disgusting. So whoever took my pants, if you even venture to put it on, washed or otherwise, I curse your dick with an incurable rot which will spread slowly and soon engulf your entire genitalia causing it to fall off in tiny chunks. And that won't be the end, the rot will then spread slowly through your body inside out, causing your insides to decompose. Eventually your body will bloat up but you won't die yet you fetish thief, till your belly explodes in a hail of stinking liquified offal.

Gorillas in the Mass

2007-04-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: The entry below may contain contents offensive to certain readers. Read at your own discretion

Nickkiest: Let's go to church?
Me: Huh? What? Why all a sudden?
Nickkiest: Dunno? Just feel like going. Come la!
Me: Me? Go to church? Me? The heathen pagan sodomite?

That was exactly my reaction to Nickkiest's suggestion to go for Easter Mass. Don't be misled into thinking that I am one of those guys that used to be a good Catholic boy until the day I was corrupted by homosexual debaucheries. The fact is I was never an avid church goer because I was never a Christian in the first place - hence the heathen pagan part. Though I am not exactly a stranger in church, I never had pleasant memories of my visits. The last time I sat through a Sunday service, I left feeling disgusted at the priest's bigoted and narrow minded preaching. As much as I understood the Catholic Church's stand on homosexual relations, I was kind of flabbergasted when the priest mentioned "mixed marriages are bad". Though I might have misunderstood what he meant by that, it is that kind of clumsy statement that puts people off and throws the whole of Christianity into bad light. I have great respect for Christianity, just like any other religion, just not most of its hopelessly outdated human made ideologies.

Such was the case when Nickkiest led me into an Easter Sunday service last Saturday. The fact that I was not a Christian made me itch. Now I know exactly what the phrase "stood out like a sore thumb" meant. Not that the swarm of Catholics noticed a heathen in their midst, even if he was wearing a pagan symbol around his neck (I have a penchant for ankhs). I was also dealing with the reality that I was cooking underneath my denim jacket on a balmy Saturday evening among the throngs of Easter devotees. Not that I had a choice, because I didn't find it particularly respectful to be exposing too much flesh in a holy place since I was wearing a sleeveless underneath. It kind of left me cursing when I caught sight of a rather pasty flabby lala boy wearing a black tank top. Why me, the heathen even bothered with his dressing I had no idea.

Barely 15 minutes into the service, I was starting to get bored. Forgive me, but even though I am not a Christian I had hoped at least the service would have been inspiring. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. I will spare the details lest I offend my Christian friends. Let's just say I didn't get the divine revelations or cultural sights that I've hoped for. 40 minutes into it, Nickkiest began to have his doubts and regrets about coming. Our whispered criticisms didn't go unnoticed by an elderly woman in front of us who gave me a dirty look. Not that she heard what we said of course but she probably found our conversation unacceptable while the priest was talking. Like she even paid any attention - I could have sworn she dozed off a few times through the readings. Very soon we were devolved into speaking to each other via typed texts on our mobiles. I know, it was very rude behaviour, but we just couldn't help ourselves. Anything would have been less dangerous than nodding off.

Finally we just couldn't stand it anymore, so we left before the service was done - half guilt ridden for our unbecoming behaviour and half glad that we took flight. I had partially hoped that maybe a sudden bolt of lightning would strike me down for my sins of blasphemy. Even that might have been a divine revelation, albeit a painful and deadly one. I had always wanted to see what a Christmas mass is like but last Saturday's experience have kind of left me feeling doubtful of the idea. Lord save us.

In Memoriam

2007-04-08T18:44:00.000-07:00

Johnny Hart
1931 - 2007

Blood & Testosterone

2007-04-04T20:02:00.000-07:00

That's what I thought would have been a better title for the movie "300", though I am sure the ingenious Malay translation of "300 Pahlawan Berani Mati" or something along that line was very good also. If I had to listen to Gerard Butler yell "SPARTANS!!" or "SPARTA!!" one more time I swear I will develop a rash, in my ear canal.

"SPARTAAAAAA!!!!"
Leonidas does his manly thing, and you wonder why their helmets are so thick.

Yes, after much delaying and failure to procure tickets to this movie, I finally got around to watching it after three weeks since its Malaysian release. Accompanying me also was Sean, a fellow movie enthusiast who had also miraculously missed the early bird bandwagons to catch the much hyped movie. Though I have no choice but to agree that the generous show of muscular male physiques was very... ahem, impressive, the massive overdose of testosterone and male camaraderie was quite gagging. It's enough to make you want to put them on your lap and spank the manliness out of those well formed asses.

"I am beautiful, no matter what you say... words can't bring me down~"
Leonidas does his not so manly thing. Queen Gorgo appears stunned.

Who am I to say anyway, perhaps ancient Sparta was very much as Zack Snyder portrayed it. I have to admit, the whole over-the-top imagery was quite breathtaking (except the Oracle's suspiciously beer-commercial like trance sequence) . Nevermind that it was not 100% historically accurate (when was any movie anyway), so critics, Iranians, Persians, self-appointed-historians and whatevers can put a sock into it because movies are made for entertainment. Get it? EN-TER-TAIN-MENT. It often baffles me as to how world leaders can make an ass out of themselves over a work of fiction when ordinary citizens can just laugh about it in good nature.

"All you have to do, is just bend over... I mean, kneel before me..."
How they made hottie Rodrigo Santoro into this over-sized drag queen baffles me.

Sean and I were having this this little exchange as we were coming out after the movie:

Sean: Sparta doesn't look like a very nice place to be born in, in those times, does it? (referring to their practice of abandoning weak/malformed/defective babies on Mt Taygetos to die).
Me: Oh well, I wasn't exactly born defective, maybe if I was born there I could have had those abs that I so badly wanted by now.
Sean: ...

I think Sean summed up 300 pretty nicely:

"Next time can we just go watch a good old fashion romantic comedy?"

For once, I had to agree. Now I have to suffer a few weeks of insecurity every time I take a look in the mirror. God damn it.